To ask about married life after baby? Help.

[TryingToFixThis]

(Name changed because I don't want all my laundry on the same sn)

When I got pregnant with DD, he was great, very supportive. Did all the errand runs, picked up all the house chores because I was too tired/sick the whole time. When DD was born he was right there taking care of baby the first few nights so I could get sleep and recover after a rough week of labor, false alarms and hospital visits. He works, I stay home with DD. We split the night shifts, he does his fair share and is a hands on father. Ok, so you get it. He's an excellent DH.

We haven't DTD since before DD was born a few months ago. We're both feeling ready again. But I'm tired, he's tired. It just never happens.

I've been cranky and irritable for the last few weeks, not wanting any physical attention after being with DD all day. He always takes her off my hands, cooks dinner. Baby is teething, teething toys aren't working, and every day is just her fussing and crying, which just zaps all my emotional energy.

He called me at work during lunch, saying he was feeling like we were drifting and that we never see each other for more than an hour each day, where he talks and I zone out. I agreed. We said we'd talk when he gets home tonight and figure out a plan because this isn't working and we can't continue on this current path. But I said I'd plan a fun date for this Saturday as a start that we can look over when he gets home, and we'd take it from there.

Anyway, his idea of talking at the end of the day is talking about his favorite video games or showing me youtube videos. I have nothing better to talk about, and I'm bored to death of "How's baby" to change the topic. I need help articulating why this is not "talking" at the end of the day with each other.

So I need your help mn with a few things:

• Creative date ideas (I'd rather not default to dinner and a movie)
• As stupid as this sounds, conversation prompts. I got a couples journal that you fill out with each other so that's a good start.
• How to get through day with baby and still have energy.
• How did you manage married life with a baby? We spend all our energy on the baby and not on each other anymore. Is this just how it's going to be and we need to adjust or is there some sort of fix?

Igggi - okay so 15 nights of mini break is unrealistic for many - but a mini break here and there is a godsend.

Babies / very young toddlers don't need holidays. They have no clue they're on a 'fun' holiday, all they know is that their routine is shot to shit so they're unsettled /grumpy / cry a lot etc... and are actually probably worse off than if you'd left them at home in familiar surroundings with grandparents.

No objection to the odd break, obviously very good for parents to do this - I do think you are taking it to extremes! My dcs have always been happy on holiday, firstly as they continue to be with their mum and dad, and get more attention from us than they would at home in fact, and when a bit older as they enjoy the freedom of holidays, more time in the outdoors etc. My two year old is currently laughing like a drain in the other room in the caravan we are staying in - no way would he be happier at home!

Aw Op it's really early days. My DD was such hard work at that age, a real cryer although she slept reasonably well which was good for us. We also used to split the night into shifts so we both got some sleep, but I was always tired and so was DP. You have to believe everyone that is telling you it is temporary because it is; within the next few months at some point your DD will sleep through the bulk of the night and everything feels much much better.

As for sex, we were both too tired and/or busy at night so this was reserved for nap time at the weekend! You have to try and make a bit of time, and just do it instead of worrying about it - you'll enjoy it and it will be great for getting your relationship going again.

It will get better, little babies are hard and time consuming.

Like others have said I think you and your DH are worrying a bit too soon. I can say that me and DH had the most rock steady of relationships before DD, we'd been through most things you could think of and rather than shaken had grown stronger and more attached than ever - this includes job loss, risk of having no home, debts, being taken to court, financial crises and struggling to buy food, even a family member's terminal illness and major family feuds across both families that tried to tear us apart. We weren't phased, we handled it all. But a baby...

Kids are hard, being a parent is hard - harder than either of us gave it credit for, and it really has strained our relationship when nothing previously had managed to. I'm a fan of the "give it time theory". In fact something I first heard of on here was another MNer saying how no couple should be allowed to split in the first few years after having a child because the toll on the relationship a child can take can be that big and that common. I remember this often when times are tough and have spoken to DH about this as well. It's important to manage your expectations and accept that things will be tough for a while, that doesn't make the relationship bad or mean that you can't last or are better off separating. Sometimes it seems that me and DH are just trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel and reminding ourselves that it's there.

Keep trying to connect, however small the gesture may seem. Try to avoid taking the stress out on one another as much as possible - and if you do make sure to show your concern and care for one another.

Maninawomansworld- four or five breaks a year of three or four nights at a time!!??
You are very very lucky to do that. Those opportunities are simply not available to many. We don't even come close!