To not regret losing my virginity to someone I didn't love?

[sinningsaint]

Wasn't sure where to post this so posted it here for the traffic and I know i'm probably going to get flamed for this but AIBU to not regret losing my virginity to someone with no mutual love? After reading a thread this morning I was just thinking about my first time and whether I had any regrets, to which I decided, despite barely knowing the guy, I didn't. I was 16 and he was a co-worker (my first job as a waitress, he was a chef) who was 11 years my senior, I realised then he was possibly taking advantage of me but I didn't care, and for some reason still don't. I have told all my DC's, like most parents, they should lose their virginity to someone they truly love and trust, but now wonder why as I didn't and it never affected me. I know it's best to lose your virginity to someone you love and trust but was just wondering whether anybody else has no regrets on losing it to someone they didn't?

Tough one - I was always perfectly happy with the idea that if you wait until you are in love with someone it will be a better experience because they will care about you more. (particularly if you got pregnant, which I was so afraid of as a teenager!)

However, I spent a while reading the blogs of people (men and women) who grew up with 'promise rings' to save their virginity for marriage, and it has open up my eyes to how much pressure that puts on people to basically deny all sexual interest through adolescence in case they are tempted - then when they do meet someone they like suddenly turn their libido on.

Waiting for someone you love isn't quite as bad as that obviously! But it does set people up to feel bad about themselves if for some reason that isn't what happens.

I think I'll be avoiding it as advice to the DDs.

I don't think its something you should regret - if anything it helps you deal with the disappointment of your first time if you haven't built it up to be all fireworks. I was 13, pissed, out my face and don't really remember it. Same story for the next two. Then I moved county and school and met the wonderful DH. I don't regret the ones before him either but I don't really think about them, theyre not important and nearly 16 years later D and I are still together and just as in love as we were back in highschool.

I was 14 and just curious. He was 18. We'd been snogging in lots of different locations going out for 4 weeks. No illusions of love. He wanted to do it, i wanted to know what it was like, he was a great kisser - so ...

I found it rather long-winded and a bit embarrassing. I clearly remember about half way through suddenly realising i hadn't done my maths homework and that i aught to think of an excuse before school in the morning.

I dumped him a week later because he behaved like a prat a the ice rink. No regrets.

Happy days

The statistical reality is that most if us lose our virginity before we're 20. I didn't have the first clue what love really meant or stood for until I was more like 30. Even if I had felt I "loved" my first boyfriend with whom I lost my virginity, what would that have really MEANT? I was 16 - I didn't have a clue about anything, including love. I would have loved him in. 16 year old way (ie in quite a shallow short term way with no major tests of our relationship). Best case scenario is that you like, trust and feel comfortable with the person with whom you lose your virginity. I don't think love is necessary..or perhaps even desirable?

I regret losing it to the boy I did. But only because his Penis was so big it gave me unrealistic expectations.

MumoftheMoos

" I had a wail of a time! " Quite appropriate!

At the time I thought I loved the guy I lost my virginity to, but I was 15 so what did I know?

I have really find memories of him and the occasion so no regrets here.

I do regret a LOT of the other people I slept with in my late teens/early 20's though. Not because I didn't love them (and I didn't) but because I had really low self esteem and had a string of one night stands, thinking I would find love but ending up walking away feeling used and dirty

A friend of mine lost her virginity to a... carrot. She did not want her first boyfriend get too cocky about "breaking the lock". Their relationship was really weird.

Errr .... I am not sure sticking something up there is losing virginity!

If that were the case we'd all be thinking fondly of tampax.

There was a really good link someone posted on another thread about losing virginity not being hymen-breaking, because the hymen is not a seal of skin (otherwise period blood wouldn't be able to come out would it?)

I think it depends on the overall experience. If you wait for the right guy, it may be far more nerve wracking and awkward, and that could ruin it.

I had just turned 14 and he was nearly 22. I'd been with him a month, loved him madly, felt uncomfortable, hurried to put my clothes back on and go home after (I regret that) I was devastated for a long time when it ended 6 months later. I did once get very upset when I realised how wrong he was, even though I did want to and make the choice to. But I can't say I regret the experience. He was kind, it felt good enough, it was in a bed etc...

Tbh, I have bigger things to regret than my virginity loss

haha I know the last post was a while ago. Anyways, I lost my virginity this past Sunday. In the super bowl yes. Well before, let me tell you that my older sister lost it at 21. With her now boyfriend. My twin is still virgin. I was always told it had to be with a special person. So I waited. At 17 I dated few guys, and they were loosers. I just wanted to get it over but was forcing myself to created this romantic dates with guys who were not worth it. So I got disappointed. I got hurt. After a year I open Tinder and realize all the guys just wanted sex. Now I'm very sexual. I watched porn since I was early teens. so anyways, I remember the day I came to my job. My co worker is not hadnsome at all. His ok. I mean more like ugly side. I always felt comfortable around him. I know him for a year almost. Anyways, So I woke up that sunday and he invite me to his house. I said yes jk. So he has invinte me and I never appear. I started to think, because few month ago he said that at 18 he lost it with a much older woman. His 28 and I'm 18. yes 10 years older. Anyways I appear at his studio. He serve me some Sangria, we ate Pizza. We talk for a bit. We had sex. It hurts at first but than I liked it. He knew how to do it well. One of the reasons why I choice him. He didn't know I was virgin until I told him before he went in. Anyways, he pay for my taxi. My parents don't believe the lie I told them. Haha But hey I mean I don't regret it. It happen. I will see him this Saturday. He hasn't text me or anything. Honestly that's the only thing that bugs me. Eh, at the end I think we both where concern. But it happen. There's nothing I can do. At the next day I wasn't in pain. The only thing that bother me is that he couldn't call the cab, he just told me to go down the street and grab one. Well what can I expect, it wasn't romantic lol but just physical. I don't love him and He doesn't love me. So I feel that it's good cause If I lost it with someone I love and he left than I think that would hurt more. I would feel like he only used me. Well I know that my first time was because I decided it would be. Believe me, I didn't plan it. It was spontaneous. So yeah I don't regret it but I won't deny, I haven't stop thinking about it. I can imagine he is like what ever cause I mean we are nothing and his 28, probably fucked many girls already. I don't care. It bothers me a bit, but who cares. Is done, and now I can have sex and fun without having to wait for my first love. Who knows when it will come. But hey I would have experience.