To think it’s insensitive for slim people to talk about how fat they are around fat people?

[treesandbirdsandbees]

Today at work a group of women were talking about how they’re all starting a diet because they are all ‘getting so fat and disgusting’ and how they can’t possibly get any bigger because they’d be embarrassed to leave the house and one of them who is single was saying she’d never meet a man if she was any bigger because no men ‘would ever find a fattie attractive’.

None of them are over a size 10

I am overweight. I am trying to lose it and it is gradually reducing but slowly and I know it’s my problem and other people shouldn’t moderate their conversation because of it but am I being unreasonable to think it’s insensitive to go on about it so much and make such offensive comments around people who really are overweight?

I don’t think it was aimed at me or that they were trying to be nasty but it made me feel uncomfortable as if that’s what they think of people who are overweight then it must be what they think of me.

Absolutely. Completely rude and insensitive and boring as well. Women speaking negatively about their bodies projects poor body images on young women and girls. So some people have different shapes and sizes so what? Have they really nothing better to talk about?

I love a good diet talk. My friends and I often discuss our diets.

Mumsnet is full of intelligent and well educated women. It also has an entire talk topic dedicated to weight loss. It's a topic that has much relevance today, like it or not, and people are entitled to talk about it. Arguably a couple of the comments weren't kind, although I believe the lady in question was talking about herself, but the point is, it doesn't make people vapid, or stupid, or shallow.

Chelsy - but they were using extremely negative and judgmental language to describe their concern with putting on weight: saying they'd never leave the house and no man would find a fattie attractive etc... that's loaded language full of scorn for any woman who is overweight. It's one thing to want to be in better shape and to discuss it, but to sit around saying things like this is ugly and juvenile. I sense they were perfectly aware of the OP being within hearing distance.

I can't stand people going on about their weight but I listen politely.
But its no less boring to hear someone who is a size 20 than it is to hear someone who is a size 10

Does it not cross your mind that those women who are thin actually perceive themselves as fat and disgusting?

That they may feel just as bad as you do about their bodies?

So many women have a skewed view of their bodies it is entirely possible that they think they need to loose weight as much as you think you do.

For goodness sake is there nothing that women won't criticise other women for?

My goodness lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout

What an ignorant rant that was

It wasn't about you it was how they felt about their own bodies

But as I said earlier, if you were freaking out about turning, say 40, and you felt that people over 40 were just past it, would you really choose to express that to a bunch of people say in their 60s? Or would you have enough insight into other peoples feelings to think hmmm I might talk about that with my younger friends/colleagues as it's a bit more rude to bang on about being so old when they are clearly older than me?

It's all relative. We've had a new member of staff join and she (at a very rough guess) must be around a size 22. She alludes to her weight sometimes but she doesn't seem uncomfortable in the slightest about it. As a consequence I've stopped 'seeing' her size, she's just my really nice colleague that will natter away about anything, including joining in on diet chat and "I do not feel fabulous today" discussions. None of us would ever come out with stuff like "I'd never find a man if I were any bigger", that's pretty bad, but maybe your weight issues aren't as noticeable to your workmates as they are to you.

HappyYoni the people talking about losing weight, weren't expressing anything to the OP.

They were talking amongst themselves

If I had a problem with turning 40 and I was amongst a group of colleagues who were also in the same boat, why wouldn't I express my concerns to them?

The same way that even when I am feeling really skint I won't go on about it in front of friends who I know are more hard up than me. It doesn't matter whether you're talking weight, money, age whatever, it's still rude. Spots as well, sometimes I get a ginormous spot which I hate, but I wouldn't start saying oh I'm so spotty I must deal with my terrible spots, if I was in the company of someone who clearly had much worse spots.
Surely this is all just good manners and awareness of your audience??

Because saying I'm getting so old and disgusting in front of someone who is obviously even older would be really quite insensitive in my book.

Oh I don't know

Weight is such a personal thing and not everyone takes offence when someone slimmer than them states that they need/want to lose weight.

The 'no men would eve find a fattie attractive' was nasty and ignorant though.

The rest is just boring diet talk imo.

YABU. They made some stupid unkind comments, no justification for those but even slim people get unhappy with their weight. I'm a size six but have recently gained 2kg, I feel fat and less confident in my clothes so I'm eating more healthily. Should I wait until I've gained three stones before I address my eating? I think not.

I don't discuss this with people though as diet talk bores me shitless and I view it as a personal matter but there's no rule that says you have to be overweight to talk about losing weight.

Body insecurity and low self esteem isn't limited to only fat people. There are just as many unhappy skinny people are there are fat people.

I'm on the heavier side of healthy weight so I'm not fat, but not skinny. If I'm feeling upset about being overweight, seeing a fat person also feeling overweight isn't going to make me feel any better. I really could care less how fat another person is, I'm upset about my weight on my body. I don't even think about other people's weight let alone judge it.

I'm 5' 3" and weigh just over 8st so size 8-10. However, my midriff isn't flat so I still feel fat. Body issues belong to people of all shapes and sizes.

YABU. I'm a size 10-12 but carrying 2 stone of baby weight (DS is 15 weeks). I feel fat and gross and want to get back to how I was. I don't care if someone who is bigger takes offence at that, it's all relative.

Tbh I think the op was rude listening to their conversation talking about their weight.

If they directed anything to you then that would be insensitive, but they were having a private conversation and you happened to hear.

I would rather they could have the conversation in front of me than behind my back, or worse still halt the conversation as I approached.

Yes, I do think it insensitive. I have a very overweight friend trying to lose weight. I need to lose just over a stone but don't talk about it to her. Why would I want her to feel bad, which she would.

The idea the people saying "fat and disgusting" and "no man would ever find a fattie attractive" in front of a fatter woman is Not insensitive is beyond me.

Anyone who calls fat people disgusting or unattractive ought to meet my mate.

She is larger than average and has men drooling at her feet. It's very blatant ...

yawn - reminds me of when I worked in an office with loads of females talking about their weight and their latest diet. All about being 'good' all week and then 'treating' themselves at the weekend, the latest diet drink........yawn. At the end of the year most of them were the same weight as they were 12 months ago - nothing ever changed long term- and it was incredibly boring to have to listen to them. I never talked about my body, shape, size and I was considered 'fortunate' not to have to worry about such things - just smiled and nodded. I never passed opinions on their issues either - just left them to get on with it. First world problems!

Yes they were very thoughtless and shallow. I have slimmed down from a 16, to a gargantuan. Size 10

Did the single girl actually say "no man fancies a fattie" or did she say something about wanting to lose weight herself as she was a fattie and didn't want to stay single? Don't take it as an insult, listen instead to someone blaming themselves for their situation.

And yes, size 10 can be overweight, I'm short so a size 6 still doesn't mean a flat stomach, size 10 is fat on my frame, a lot of woman aren't thin at a 10, and really it's best to diet when you've only got a few pounds to lose than to wait until it's a lot.

First of all congratulations on your weight loss.

Just to echo everyone else here that wanting to lose weight/get fitter isn't purely the domain of anyone over dress size 12.

And how do you know none of them are over a size 10? I am slim, but not in proportion and hate my hips and thighs, yet women who are larger than me are always saying that I am stick thin, which IMO is just as offensive as being called a fatty. They assume I am a size 8 and I'm not - I wear size 12 jeans.

Some of the comments were unpleasant, but as you said, they weren't aimed at you and you have to accept that women of all shapes and sizes aren't all happy with their weight. So you just have to suck it up I'm afraid.