To be ready to scream at cats?

[wadingthroughtreacleuphill]

I moved in with DP over a month ago. I have two cats. I fully expected some teething problems but this is ridiculous.

Cats are petrified of DP. They hide, dash upstairs like a fire is on their heels as soon as they hear his voice. They aren't eating properly as a result - they won't come down when he's here. They won't come inside if they are out and he's in.

It's a non problem I'm sure, but it is driving me mad.

Any advice? We've tried Feliway but it hasn't made a difference.

Can you feed them in a spare bedroom until they get used to him?

He needs to become their only source of food

The way to a cat's heart is definitely through its stomach

Seriously, stop feeding them or even giving them the odd treat/titbit

Let him be the only way they can fill their bellies

Not really - they just won't come in when he's in or go anywhere near him. The spare rooms are upstairs and we'd never get them in. They eat in the kitchen and he isn't there when they eat, but if he speaks they dart off and hide somewhere looking terrified.

I feel really sorry for them but it's awful! He is sick of them now too and has said we should rehome them!

Worra, seriously, I think they'd starve to death!!

Your wise cats are trying to tell you something. Has he buried the ex under the patio?

Hehe pink; they hate everyone who isn't me! Always have

Confine them to the house. Bribery. He should be the only food source. And attention/play source. Is he willing to to make an effort?

I agree with him feeding them.

Also shut them in a room together and get him to play with them or fuss them even if they don't want to.

Put an old worn tshirt of his in their sleeping area so they can get used to his scent.

Does he have an extra loud voice - that could scare them.

Don't rehome them - they will get used to him. A month isn't long in cat terms.

"Also shut them in a room together and get him to play with them or fuss them even if they don't want to"

FFS do not do this. Keep on with the Feliway. Can you change time of 1 meal so he feeds it to them? Put a dirty t-shirt of his down in a very appealing/sunny place for them to sleep on?

Also, sorry but are you sure he hasn't done anything to hurt or frighten them? Because if rehoming them was always on his agenda...

He has frightened them, and hurt them although not intentionally. Just trying to stroke them and grabbing them (his old cat liked being picked up) then not getting the hint when they struggled.

He's made an 'effort' - this is part of the issue. But now he says they are feral and should be rehomed (they won't be!)

But I can see his point. They poo in hidey-holes (old house) as they won't come downstairs and use the litter tray. They don't have mealtimes as such any more - they eat when I can persuade them in when dp is out

I feel so sad and guilty.

DP's clothes smell horrible - can't see them wanting to lie on those!

Ah. Okay. Well he needs to stop forcing his 'attention' on them and wait for them to relax enough to approach him.

But, he should still be the one feeding them. At proper times! You have to stop undermining him by sneak-feeding them and being a source of re-enforcement of the unwanted behaviour. You aren't helping the situation.

After feeding, he (not you!) could offer a short playtime to them, use one of those fishing rod time things with dangley toys so his hands are both safe and also less intimidating to the cats.

Put a litter tray upstairs and one downstairs. Make sure doors are shut to rooms where they pooing.

You really need to act as a team on this.

You know they're scared because he hurt them and you still want to scream at them? Your poor cats. Yabvu.

And make sure that they have plenty of 'safe' places in the accessed areas, high spots and hidey holes where they know they can retreated to without fear of being pestered!

He doesn't sound very nice to me, poor cats. If you want to make this work (note: am not saying LTB although am tempted to, especially given the smelly clothes), you need to give your cats a safe place where he doesn't go other than to leave food for them. Somewhere with Feliway, litter trays, places to hide, and food.

If they poo in random places I can fully understand why he'd rather they weren't there.

I never really liked that musical either

Give them a litter tray where they are, for starters. At least one. Probably two.
And water and food. Again at least two sources of water.

Not all together in the same place obviously. Cats like water separate from food. And litter tray obvs. But give them their own space, with everything in it.

And that is for starters.

And let them have weeks before you expect them to get used to it. You've just moved them off their territory. They are freaking out.

My shy young male cat was terrified of my cat sitter when she came for the initial visit and for the first few days of her sitting but he soon realised she was feeding him and came around. She told me she also won him over by not moving too fast when she first came in the door, making soft eye contact, and playing with him with a laser pen. He loves her now and even pined for her when I got back from my last trip.

Food and being calm and patient around them does seem to help.

Also re horrible smelling clothes, maybe I just have a particularly weird kitty but he LOVES DPs cycling clothes after a bike ride, if DP leaves them next to washer, the cat will go and roll in them! So maybe stinky clothes could be just the trick!

Not the point of the thread but his clothes smell horrible! ?

Our cat likes nothing better than our stinky running kit, especially after it's matured a bit. Cats are odd.

They do softly. His old around the house clothes stink. Work clothes don't. He gave up smoking a while back and chews niquitin or whatever it's called compulsively, and everywhere stinks of it. I don't love it but I obviously don't want him to smoke, so ...

I don't think I'm explaining too well, but the cats essentially just bolt for cover whenever they see him. Giving them time together in a room wouldn't work as this wouldn't happen - cats would be in same room as DP. The house is old, open plan, fireplaces, and even if we trapped them in the same room as DP they would hide somewhere.

I know it's a stupid problem but it's upsetting me. We can't just relax as there's constantly a terrified cat running for cover. They are my babies, I won't rehome them as apart from anything it isn't just DP they hate, they quite literally won't tolerate anyone who isn't me

They were rescue kittens and so I don't know their history, if they were hurt or harmed in some way. With me they used to be very loving and affectionate, just timid, but they've even given me a wide berth recently.

I recently moved with two cats, one of which is very highly strung and wasn't at all happy about the whole situation.

We did the feliway thing, but frankly cat nip spray seemed to work a million times better and getting them nicely toasted a couple of times a day seemed to bring them on leaps and bounds with settling in.

You could try your vets for some proper anxiety medication, despite the cost I think I'd do it if my dp started making noises about rehoming them.

I agree with the advice to keep them inside for a couple of weeks, try to avoid forcing it too much, but they need to get used to his smells and noises.

Create a safe space for your cats which they have to themselves. Then gradually widen it so they can choose to encounter you or not. Use Feliway. Accept it could take months.

Try sprinkling some dried valerian in a room on the floor, then the next day do the same again, but put your dp's tshirt next to it. Do this for a few days.

And take things slow and stead and give it time. It's still early doors.

We've had a rescue cat for 12 months now, and she has sat on my knee once, and dh's knee twice in that time. Be patient.