"Family long term finances" - sorry, it's a long one

[Justfuckitupagain]

I've just logged onto the email account that DH and I share.

In the inbox, there is an email to DH from FIL with two things in the subject heading, and this is the second one.

I looked at the email (not particularly snooping - it's a shared account so please don't flame me) and it's obvious that there has been a conversation where bits have been deleted iyswim.

To give a bit of background, FIL especially is one of the most money grabbing gits I've ever met. He convinced his mother before she died to change her will so that he was favoured over his siblings. He openly admits this. MIL's father died last year, and he keeps going on and on about how they haven't received anything from the estate (MIL's mother is thankfully still with us so I just assumed that it would go to her? Not that it's any of my business of course)

Also, so as not to drip feed, before DH and I got together, FIL had an agreement with DH that, when buying a property, whatever DH put in as a deposit he would match. FIL insisted that this was a written agreement. When we bought the house (which I ploughed all my savings into and my mum and dad helped massively too) FIL announced over dinner that if we split up he wanted his money back with interest. Completely understandable, but actually it had fuck all to do with me - our finances were separate until we got married (which wasn't for years). It wasn't what he said, more the way he said it (he previously told me that DH and I weren't suited and he was surprised that we lasted more than a month - that was 14 years ago).

When my own grandparents passed he wanted to know the ins and outs of their wills. In addition, DH's brother "bought a share" of the family home and DH didn't find out about this until 3 years later.

I don't know why I'm posting. I suppose I'm asking aibu to be a bit pissed off, especially as I dread another onslaught by FIL to find out about our finances. Also DH and I have no secrets whatsoever, aibu to feel a bit hurt/confused as to why this appears to have been covered up?

Reading back, I think I probably am bu. I dislike PILs immensely - that is probably clouding my judgement.

Wibu to ask DH what it's all about? I know for a fact that, if he has covered anything up, it would be because he knows they upset me.

[PetulaGordino]

The thing is, what can he do? If you stay in the same house until he dies, he can't will part of your house to anyone else because he doesn't legally own any of it. If you sell you're under no obligation to give him any money unless you feel you want to (and tbh I probably would, just to shut him up). Just because he blathers on about is doesn't mean any of it is real.

It sounds as though he sees your dh's (and by extension your) property as part of his "empire", like he's Lord Downton and he gives you all some annual stipend etc, and he's free to move "his" assets about according to his whim, and make "long term family financial plans" that include your assets.

He was very generous to offer money to assist with the house purchase. But that doesn't mean he owns you all for evermore

[PetulaGordino]

(The "by extension" part I meant from his POV - I of course think you are an individual separate from your husband!)

[ChelsyHandy]

He doesn't own a share of your house though. He has an unsecured collateral contract with your DH, his son.

The other house owned in part with your DH is an odd arrangement too. In fact all of his meddling in property sounds a bloody disaster.

I am surprised you allowed this - do you feel you were coerced and did you have independent legal advice? I think you really need to prioritise getting it sorted out asap and I think a quick visit to a solicitor might help things appear more clearly to you.

[Inertia]

I agree with Chelsy, you do need professional legal advice even if that means you going alongbon your own.

[PancakesAndMapleSyrup]

that piece of paper is likley to mean nothing, and yes i would DEMAND get a copy and be checked over by a solicitor. That way either you either pay him back now with a contract drawn up by a solicitor stating he has received the fundsor, if it does mean fa, then put it at the back of your mind and dont ever worry about his demands but distance yourselves. Your dh would not go behind you back with this though would he?