To think that when I've been away for the weekend ...

[CocktailQueen]

I would prefer that some housework and tidying was done, so the house doesn't look like shit when I get home, instead of a bunch of 'welcome home' flowers?? Or Aibu and ungrateful??

I went away leaving DH at home with dc 7 & 3. I left a list which had a couple of housework tasks on it and came home to find everything tidy and jobs done :)

It can be done.

Restandpeace, would you live in a shit tip, and expect someone to come in and clean up after you? Or would you clean up after yourself?

Why should the person/people the OP lives with not clean up after themselves (proviso about the two DC under 3, as above, but even then, there is a bare minimum that should be done).

Why should you do all the thinking, Haunted? Surely your DH can work out for himself what jobs need doing?

I was in hospital for two nights and asked DH to Hoover before I came home. His reply was "but that's your job".

Sanity he did routine stuff without a list. These were the jobs I usually do. In addition he fixed our solar hot water that was not on my list.

I really don't think the OP expected a spring clean or standards better than hers, but just the place to be as she left it.

Maybe I'm lucky I married a grown up who is completely able to look after DCs and keep a reasonable house. As I can, it would not even cone into question.

Wow, the age of sexism is not yet dead...
The gender of the parent who's been away shouldn't make any difference at all. If you've been in the house and made a mess, you clean it up. What the other adult had been doing is totally irrelevant.

Ok reverse it.

The H has been away all weekend let's say on a jolly. The DW has been at home on her home with the dc and doesn't do any housework for whatever reasons.

The DH goes apeshit.

And you'd still be saying he was U?

And you'd still be saying he wasn't U.

There is worse...

My ex used to do bugger all except make mess while I was there.

I went away for a week leaving the house spotless.

Came back and ex wanted a medal because it looked exactly how i'd left it.

Proving that he could clear up after himself but chose to leave it all to me.

One of the many reasons he is my ex.

TheCatsbollock, would the mess be left be for him to clean? In that case yes he would not be U.
If the mess is for the wife to clean because she is the one who cleans it anyway as "it is her job" than he is U: she can do it maybe on monday when dc are at school or whenever she wants.

Yanbu. Unless one of the DCs has been ill, or circumstances have been unusually tricky, it's reasonable to expect a reasonably tidy house. You shouldn't have to "repay" anyone for time away by tidying up their mess, no matter what you've been doing. In saying this, I'm assuming you're not away every weekend, and that you reciprocate re weekends away etc.

Hmm, was he at home by himself or with dc? Dh has g

Dh

Yanbu. I am less tidy than dh. And if I'm alone with ds for the weekend the house won't be spotless when he gets back. But I always make an effort to tidy up and make it nice because nothing ruins time away than coming home to chaos. I also do the standard washing, putting away etc.

If I go a way, he house will be spotless when I get back because that's dh. But he will make some effort to do some washing etc so that I don't return to piles and piles of it.

It's just respect for the person you share your home and life with not to expect them to "pay" for time away. Dh "pays" me by taking ds out for an afternoon or giving me a really good lie in and vice versa.

ARGGGHHH this time then!
Dh often goes away with work and when he gets home the house is a mess and I'm even more o a mess, but then he has gone away and left me with a 3yo, 2yo and 1mo. So if there are young kids involved, YABU, if not yanbu.

Dc are 7 and 20. Dh also had his DS - my dss - staying over weekend. DS today said, we tidied last night. Dd said, oh, it's always messy when you come back...

I was away for a weekend with my dsis, btw.

No - dc are 7 and 10! Dss is 20...

Without knowing the OP'S situation ie if there are children, if so how many and their ages, was there clubs, activities to attend, homework to do, whether the house was already untidy when she left etc we are pissing in the wind.

Wow, catching up here.

Have not gone apeshit at all! Have asked dc to tidy tonight - dh working late - and have caught up on washing, cleaning bathrooms myself. Not said anything to dh.

Jeez, sorry for not giving enough info in op! Dh shopped on Friday for weekend. I had ironed dc school uniform for today. House tidy when I left. Dh not done my usual daily tidy...

Dh had done dishwasher and supervised dd homework but that was about it. You need to point out what needs doing to him. Tis a bit depressing. But the night before I left he shopped and did surprise BBQ for us all...

He doesn't sound too bad tbh OP.
He did the shopping for the weekend, sorted homework, dishwasher and a BBQ.

I was expecting a lot worse.

It does not sound too bad, true.

However... To play devil's advicate, not to the op who seems cool about it all, but in the usual feminist terms, Would you say of a wife "but the night before he left she shopped and cooked dinner?"...

Ha, ShouldHave, that's a good point!!! I do 'appreciate' things he does more than the (same) things that I do ... Will re-read Wifework

He knows that I hate untidiness - can't relax unless things are in their place - so I spent half an hour tidying yesterday - with the kids - and putting on two washes. Hum.