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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I feel my son is being exploited, WIBU to contact the college running his apprenticeship without his knowledge?

38 replies

carlajean · 23/06/2014 08:58

My son is in his mid-20s and is on apprenticeship. I feel he is being exploited (12 hour days, and he has worked most Bank Holidays and at least one day every weekend). Because he wants to do well, he doesn't rock the boat by sticking to his set hours. He hasn't taken any holiday this year because the company say that they need him to come in to get the work through.
He also refuses to tell the College about this for the same reasons.
WIBU to tell the College about my concerns (on the basis that they should be able to go in and investigate it without revealing that I have contacted them).
Before I get flamed, I am aware that he is an adult and has to make his own choices. And part of me thinks that he has to develop some backbone himself, but he literally has no life apart from work/eat/sleep.

OP posts:

MrsWinnibago · 23/06/2014 09:01

YABU. He's a man! You can talk to him about it...guide him...but for a grown man's Mother to intervene...not on.

slartybartfast · 23/06/2014 09:01

how long has the apprenticeship got? another year?
but mid twenties I think sadly you need to leave him to make decisions.

owlbegoing · 23/06/2014 09:02

I would

FoxSticks · 23/06/2014 09:04

Please don't, how humiliating for him to have his mum trying to sort out what she sees as his problems for him. Sometimes you have to work hard and go above and beyond to get on in life. I'd be proud of my son's work ethic if I were you.

Cyclebump · 23/06/2014 09:06

Humiliation on an epic scale! He's an adult, I would never forgive you if you were my parent in that situation.

Damnautocorrect · 23/06/2014 09:07

Sounds like the hours my oh does, he employes apprentices and they do slightly less than him but not far short of it.
When they complete it and get a qualified job that's what's expected of them wherever they work.
Is that the case here where it's just the nature of the beast? Or are others on the course doing a lot less?

HecatePropylaea · 23/06/2014 09:10

Why are the college not monitoring this? Are they not supposed to keep an eye on these things? Maybe have time sheets or records of hours worked?

but no, I don't think you should go and sort it out for him. You are right, he is a grown man. That won't help him to mature and to learn how to solve problems. You don't become a mature and capable adult by taking it up the arse until mummy comes along and kicks their arses for you

If he is making a choice to allow the company to take advantage of him, that's up to him. Clearly he feels the benefit to him outweighs all else. He is choosing this and as an adult he has the right to make even the daftest of choices

By the time I was in my mid 20s, I was married with two children and living 150 miles away from my mother. I'd have been laughed out of town if she'd rolled up her sleeves and tried to sort stuff out for me. you have to let your son be the adult he is. I had my fair share of crappy jobs and exploitation when I first started working and it teaches you a lot I promise you! I can't remember where I heard the saying "you never lose you only learn" but it's true.

slartybartfast · 23/06/2014 09:12

he should get holidays though?
but if he wont rock the boat it is difficult.

slartybartfast · 23/06/2014 09:13

absolutely. It is a steep learning curve for him.

Chippednailvarnish · 23/06/2014 09:17

12 hour days, 6 days a week isn't that unusual. Does he get time off to attend college?

Has he attempted to book holiday? If he hasn't, he is actually part of the problem.

Dubjackeen · 23/06/2014 09:19

No, not get involved, at that age, that would be very humiliating for him. How much longer is the apprenticeship?

Cornettoninja · 23/06/2014 09:19

What industry is he doing the apprenticeship in?

Some industries, well, those kinds of hours are pretty much normal, so I suppose you have to weigh up his ambitions and qualifications against his working conditions.

If he was younger (teens) or working considerably different hours to his colleagues then yes maybe I would be leaning towards having a word with the college.

He does need to get assertive about his holidays though. At a minimum he should be getting the statutory minimum. Has he talked about the culture there? Do other people take theirs?

Icelollycraving · 23/06/2014 09:20

Please don't. He's an adult. How utterly humiliating for him!
Unless of course there is a drip feed of him having some kind of SN.

Original poster

carlajean · 23/06/2014 09:22

thank you all very much, a much needed sanity check has been provided.

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 23/06/2014 09:22

Oh god sake, please dont do this your son is obviously trying tomakea good impression or something he is daft not taking holidays nobody appreciates a martyr, aask your son why he thinks he needs to work that long,

TwinkleTwinkleStarlight · 23/06/2014 09:22

Please do not do this. Of course you can guide him, but at mid 20s if he has an issue with it then it should be him who is pointing it out.

With regards to holidays, then again has he actually asked for them? If not then he has to be proactive. They will not just automatically asign them to him.

PiratePanda · 23/06/2014 09:24

Under the data protection act they will be unable to speak to you, as your son is over 18. All you'll do is HUGELY embarrass your son and make him the butt of ribbing or worse.

Nothing you can do.

Bearbehind · 23/06/2014 09:26

I would

Really???

You'd really fight the battles of a grown man who's more than old enough to have his own children?

I can't imagine how mortifying it would be if Mummy rang to complain.

slartybartfast · 23/06/2014 09:27

suggest he books a week off in august for instance. - perhaps he wasnt asking in time?

Mrsjayy · 23/06/2014 09:27

Can you imagine the conversation so carlason your mum was on the phone earlier saying she thinks you are working to hard

LightastheBreeze · 23/06/2014 09:35

The only thing you can do is offer advice, like you would any adult or work colleague.

musicalendorphins2 · 23/06/2014 09:40

My sons would die if I did that! The reason I know this is, I was also an over protective mum, and that is just the sort of thing that would have kept me awake worrying at night. I got a grip though! They won't grow up to be men if you treat them like boys.

He'll be ok OP!

FoxSticks · 23/06/2014 09:42

I used to be an HR Manager, we used to get a lot of mums and unbelievably wives, calling in to complain on behalf of their kids/wives. You'd be surprised how many do get involved. The people they were calling in in behalf of were never thankful for it.

FoxSticks · 23/06/2014 09:43

Sorry that should have been kids/husbands

Chwaraeteg · 23/06/2014 09:50

The college would have no responsibility for this. The employer is responsible for employment issues (such as making sure your son takes his holidays), the college is so.ply responsible for ensuring your son is covering the work needed for his qualification. There should be an agreement setting out each parties responsibilities.

You could inform the national apprentice service if the employer is not meeting their obligations as part of the apprenticeship. This organisation deals with accreditation, funding and advertising for apprenticeships. Not sure how much help they would be willing to offer if they were contacted by you, a third party, rather than your son though.

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