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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend one is being a bit unfair to friend 2?

33 replies

Snowcherriesfromfrance · 22/06/2014 22:37

Friend One - let's call her A had a DD a few weeks ago.
Friend Two - let's call her B has been struggling to have a baby for quite a while and we all know this.

B struggled whilst A was pregnant and withdrew from the group a bit but did help to organise A's baby shower and bought a substantial gift to it (Moses basket and stand). A and B have always been close up until now. Probably the closest in the group actually.

I saw A today and she moaned on and on about how B isn't interested in her baby and she is going to "cut people out" who aren't interested in her baby because her baby is "amazing" and "fascinating." May I add that A has shown zero interest in anyone else's baby, ever. She said that B has only been to visit once and didnt bring a very good or personal gift (clothes) that weren't even wrapped and were obviously bought as an afterthought. Despite the fact that B has already paid quite a bit for a nice thoughtful gift at the baby shower (I loathe baby showers anyway). I did gently point this out to A as I appreciate she is still in the newborn phase but I did feel sorry for B.
Plus tbh generally are people that interested in other people's babies? I'm not especially, particularly when they are so tiny they aren't doing anything. A then went on for quite a while about her DD's "amazing head control" and "ability to grasp things already" I know I sound like a bitch but honestly, aibu to think she could be a little more understanding towards B who she is now "cutting out." A said "if you're not interested in my baby then I'm not interested in you." And she wasn't even joking.

OP posts:
ThatSmellsLikePoo · 22/06/2014 22:39

She's going to find herself staggeringly short of friends before too long.

grobagsforever · 22/06/2014 22:47

A is a bitch, sorry! How can anyone be so self obsessed? Does she know about B's struggles?

LST · 22/06/2014 22:47

Newborna do make you go a bit crazy for a while. But she sounds like a massive cow bag! Shock

LST · 22/06/2014 22:47

Newborns*

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 22/06/2014 22:48

She's going to find herself very short of friends soon. She won't be cutting them out, they'll be cutting her out.

Original poster
Snowcherriesfromfrance · 22/06/2014 22:50

She knows of B's struggles.

I said maybe B would be in contact more when baby was a bit older and that was when she told me in no uncertain terms that if you're not interested in her baby she's not interested in you!
I would perhaps find it less annoying but she is not the first in the group to have a baby and as I said she has shown zero interest in anyone else's baby / children. It's obviously different when it's your own - but why does she not realise this?!

OP posts:
Xcountry · 22/06/2014 22:50

I'm not into other peoples babies either, and its quite possible that your friend is struggling to come to terms with her infertility issue herself but is trying to make a reasonable effort. If that's the kind of person she is then your other friend doesn't need someone like that in her life whilst she is going through her own stuff.

Original poster
Snowcherriesfromfrance · 22/06/2014 22:52

B has done pretty well tbh. Especially given that A made comments such as 'I'm a bit disappointed I got pregnant do quickly, I was hoping it would take a bit longer as it's not that convenient at the moment' in front of her when she first fell pregnant!

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 22/06/2014 22:53

Well, to be fair, the first 4 weeks, I was completely infatuated with DD and everyone had to hear about her. DH was worse than me. Bought diapers, went to check out lady ffs. "Yep. Buying these for my baby. Wife just had her. She's gorgeous, not like those other ugly newborns, here let me show you a picture". Grin

Things settle down after a few weeks. By week 6 I was well over showing off newborn.

SnapeAndLily · 22/06/2014 22:53

Friend A is a prize bitch. How can she be so insensitive? Sad

PuggyMum · 22/06/2014 22:55

Poor B.

fluffyraggies · 22/06/2014 22:55

If i were you i would advise B to leave A in her self absorbed bubble.

'A' may come to her senses one day and cringe at her behavior and maybe even apologise to B, but B shouldn't hold her breath waiting.

Poussay · 22/06/2014 22:57

From your description A is an absolute bitch.

Sounds a bit like someone I know. I lost a baby, she got pregnant shortly after and threw a strop that I hadn't given her pregnancy enough attention Hmm Hmm

B is better off without a shit friend like A.

Hope B gets to have a baby too before long.

Mouthfulofquiz · 22/06/2014 22:58

Babies do funny things to people! She's going to be very lonely if she carries on like this! I wish people would be more sensitive sometimes. Would you be brave enough to be honest with her in a few weeks time maybe?

Personally I do find other people's babies interesting - and I do find it slightly hurtful that my goddaughter's mum shows a spectacular lack of interest in my boys, despite me showing much interest in her little girl. But that's another issue!

Rhine · 22/06/2014 22:59

Friend A sounds like a vacuous cow. How the hell can a new born baby be "fascinating"? All they do is piss, shit, eat and sleep.

Original poster
Snowcherriesfromfrance · 22/06/2014 23:01

Well I appreciate to her that the baby is fascinating.
I do think it's a bit much to expect everyone else to find her fascinating too.

But in B's case it's probably nothing to do with her interest in babies, but more to do with her struggle to TTC.

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 22/06/2014 23:03

Wow.. Friend A should cut friend B out and do friend B a massive favour. How self obsessed can you get? Friend A is a really shitty friend..

I have never had any interest in other people's babies and I never expected other people to be that interested in my DD..

Maybe you should show friend A this thread!

QuintessentiallyQS · 22/06/2014 23:07

I think very few people have self insight enough to remember their own behavior in a certain situation and put two and two together.

Friend A is a bitch and I am surprised you did not put her straight.

Tangerinefairy · 22/06/2014 23:10

Friend A is not a very pleasant person by the sound of it.

WooWooOwl · 22/06/2014 23:10

I agree that A is a complete bitch. And I was completely unreasonable when I had my PFB, so I tend to be very understanding about post natal irrationality.

Apart from anything else, do people really expect a gift when they baby's born after they have already had a baby shower?

If I were you I'd make it easy on myself and stop showing interest in the baby so I could be cut out too.

Icimoi · 22/06/2014 23:13

Certainly, if A is going to cut out of her life everyone who fails to demonstrate utter fascination with her sprog, she's destined to have a very lonely life. I suspect reality will dawn on her at some point. But it's particularly mean of her to take that attitude in relation to B, and I'd love to know how she justifies it.

iamsoannoyed · 22/06/2014 23:20

A sounds like a real pain- is this normal for her? Or is she just in that weird pfb newborn haze, where people can be massively irrational. I'm just wondering (trying to be charitable) if this is out of character or not, as that would depend on how I'd deal with it.

If it is totally out of character, I would persevere for a bit and hope for sanity to return soon (although I'd be honest when she said/did something out of order).

If it's not out of character, and she's always unpleasant, then I would just distance myself. Although if she is always so awful, why would you all be friends with her in the 1st place?

The way she's going, she'll soon have very few friends.

I also wonder if there's a bit of both the PFB irrationality, plus a bit of hurt at B's (who you say was very close friend) distancing herself? Although I understand why B would do it, and A should be understanding of that, I know from personal experience that it can be quite hurtful that a good friend distances themselves because you managed to conceive while they can't.

That said, she seems very ungrateful and lacking in graciousness about gifts. No excuse for that.

Sidthesausage · 22/06/2014 23:52

I think 1 is being v PFB and one tracked minded. She seems to have no empathy/consideration for 2 at all.

Sidthesausage · 22/06/2014 23:56

If she mentions it again tell her that B's really struggling with co circling and you expect her with drawing is more about her coping with the situation.

MissMilbanke · 22/06/2014 23:56

What do you think ? Is she being unfair ?

If it were me I would speak to B and leave A well alone.

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