Were you happy with your life when you were 30? Any advice?

[findingthehope]

Know I'm being a little unreasonable with how I feel on this one. I'm soon to turn 30, and feeling upset that this is the last summer in my twenties, and that I have nothing really to show for them. I have a broken engagement behind me, another love affair that nearly broke me. I don't think I have ever been really loved by a partner. I have no children, but hope to have them one day. I manage a chronic health condition that leaves me feeling like crap regularly, and had struggles with depression and eating disorders, which I'm now doing better at. My mum died six years ago, and I still miss her so much, and though I talk to my dad every week he left me and mum when I was small and we are not close.

Counselling has made me a bit more confident in myself, and as a result I'm seeing how carelessly a lot of people treat me, so I have stopped doing all the work with 'friends' and now as a result am usually alone.

The best thing in my life is that I have recently started a good job that I feel I can excel in and hopefully make good money in as I become experienced.

What was your life like at 30? Did you have everything sorted out? Had you done lots of amazing things eg travelling?

Feel like I've wasted a lot of time and put energy into all the wrong things. I feel unreasonable because I have an education, a job, and am quite young in a way and hopefully have time to change things, and also because I do feel the things I have gone through have matured me and given me insight into a big range of life experiences and hardships and how to overcome them. But this weekend I'm feeling alone and forgotten about and totally pointless as a person, and it feels awful.

Please share your experiences of when you were able to turn your life around???

I don't have any big ideas about what you do to change things. I don't think you need to treat 30 as a deadline and put yourself under huge pressure, but there's no harm in spending the next year building on the changes you've made so far. Partner and babies are difficult to timetable, but it absolutely makes sense to surround yourself with more positive people and to spend time doing stuff you genuinely enjoy.

Hi findingthehope You have your life ahead of you and mustn't give way to negative emotions such as But this weekend I'm feeling alone and forgotten about and totally pointless as a person, and it feels awful -

I can't tell you "you aren't a pointless person", when I don't have enough info about your life and your personal circumstances to tell you why you aren't. To my mind, individuals are not pointless, we all have something to give the world and things to make us feel fulfilled.

Perhaps the best comfort and advice I can give you as you enter your 30th year is to learn from your mistakes, remember that every mistake is an opportunity to find out about yourself and decide you are going to do things differently in the future. You are now at a point in time when you have the chance to do that.

Maybe a starting point could be to focus on what you could start to do to make yourself feel you have a purpose. You have an education, I hope you can manage your condition over time to enable you to build on your new job success.

My life now is a lot better than when I was 30, I have grown into myself hugely through a combination of tragedy (yes the most painful things in life sometimes teach us how precious life is, how unique and how it is something worth grabbing by the scruff of the neck, now, today, it isn't a rehearsal!) and some good fortune, and determination to see myself in a positive light (I used to have big self confidence issues).

I hope some of these ramblings may chime and I hope you can find the strength to move forward and not dwell on things you can't change....

Well, I was, but my life at 30 sounds completely different from yours.
That said, I never saw turning 30 as a big event - it was just another birthday.

I have to say though, that in my life, each decade has been better than the previous one - I don't get all this angst about ageing. I MUCH preferred being in my 20s to being a teen, likewise the 30s were better than the 20s and the 40s better than the 30s. Here's looking forward to my 5os!

When I turned 30 my boyfriend of 10 years had just dumped me from a great height. My mother had died a few years earlier. All my friends suddenly not just got married but had babies. I was suddenly single and horribly heart broken.
But its the hard times that make us somehow - i look back on that time with real pride, I did some crazy things and but also some good things. Most importantly I kept going. I learned about myself.
Im nearly 40 now and life has thrown much harder stuff at me since then, I see that time as my training for now. Life is hard sometimes but that helps us see whats really important and understand and appreciate when its good.

Dont worry about the number, dont worry its too late to sort whatever you regret. Just think hard about things, be honest with yourself, keep going and suddenly youre in one of the good bits again, and then youll appreciate it more than you would have otherwise

My gran died on my 30th birthday it was awful. It's just a number.....

I was 30 in August, my husband died in September.
I'm a 30 year old widow with 3 dc under 6.

So yes yabu.

Im 29. 30 this year and happy with my life.

30 is still very young in this day and age. Honestly. Don't panic.

When I turned 30 I was going through my 2nd divorce (!!) My ex had left me for a girlfriend he'd had before me he'd found on Facebook and literally disappeared overnight after 6 years of marriage leaving me and dd now aged 11 completely up the Creek with 26k of debt. I was then made redundant from my very well paid job in the following month! The only job I could find was a minimum wage job for 16 hours in a hotel and I had a bit of a breakdown really. I had to sell my house and downsize and I had a fling with the young chef aged 21 at the hotel for about 6 months (dd never knew he existed). I drank too much, had a bit of a wild time really. Was very depressed under it all.

I was very upset as well because ex and I had been in the middle of ivf and I desperately wanted another child but I knew time wasn't on my side to meet someone else and establish that relationship and then spring it on them that I'd need ivf due to health problems (had very traumatic birth with dd so left it a long time before I wanted another).

So I spent my 29/30 being mostly pissed, no money to my name really, thinking my life was over blah blah.

And then I gradually sort of chilled out a bit and decided to go online dating with a very open mind and not really expecting anything and I met my now dh :) .... many years on we are happily married and now have a toddler son :)

I am a sahm now which I love but I also have time to pursue my other interests and I am really enjoying my life now.

30 was a turning point for me. Be positive :)

At 30, I had a job, which I grew to truly hate over the next year or so and the marriage which was far from happy. I was also beginning to really struggle with an as yet undiagnosed chronic health condition.

I did something about the first two within the next few years, but left it until I was really struggling before I pushed enough to get proper treatment and a diagnosis for the health issue.

I think that the only advice that I can give is to change what it is within your power to change and try to make the best of the rest. In my mid 40s now and my life is a long way removed from what it was 15 years ago.

Op- wow, you have accomplished so much and you have really worked hard to make some positive changes in your life.

You sound really really together and what's really important, you're self aware and moving forward. That's totally flicking awesome!

I met my now husband when I was 26, after being completely heart broken. Met him out if the blue and he was NOT my type. It just happened and I am now so very happy.

I sounds like you are getting a rewarding career off the ground.

Friendships, well I understand what you're saying about not doing all the running, but at the same time, I think it's about give and take.

30, it really is just a number.

At 30, I wasnt very happy.

I had a 3 yr old and was heavily pregnant with my second. My twenties had been great - career was on the up, lots of travel and fun with my partner and friends - but my early 30s felt like a slog in comparison. Having a baby hit me hard. I felt socially isolated, my career took a backseat, I had PND and felt fat, frumpy and over the hill. At 30, I discovered my first child was autistic. That was difficult.

I'm 37 now and feel much better. My thirties so far have felt tough but incredibly rich. I have been through tremendous ups and downs, but feel that this is the decade that I have finally got to know myself.

And my advice? You are young. You really are. So so much could (will!) change in the next decade. You can hardly imagine! Embrace it. Stop looking back and thinking about age or wasted years. Look forward. The best is yet to come.

At 30 I had a husband who had just left me and a job that was getting me nowhere, no kids. I did have a house though and financially independent. I however thought my life was very empty and couldn't see at the time where to go. I am now 40, fab husband, two wonderful young girls and a happy life!

30 is a number and a good one to lay down as a starting point. You may meet some one you want to have kids you may not. You do however need to continue to do what you are doing. Make a list if things you want I do, go to, see, experience! They can be little it large and do them, never say no to stuff and trust your instincts. Once I got myself to a point I was happy with I went Internet dating and married the second man I met. Life is what you make of it.

Good luck and enjoy turning 30! It was a big turning point for me. X

I'm almost thirty too.
Single, childless, happy.
There are a lot worse things than being alone in your thirties. You're clearly strong, independent, hard working. All great qualities. Please forget past relationships - you'll have learned from them and will pick someone worthier next time. As for the friends thing - don't waste your precious free time with people who don't value you and treat you as a real mate. Better to be alone than with users.
You sound a lot more sorted and strong than you seem to think you are.

Aged 30 my life was generally going well, but I worried about being single, whether I'd ever meet anyone / have a family. I then met DH aged 35 and we have a lovely daughter. I'm sure life would have been fine even if they hadn't come along. I don't regret meeting DH a bit later. We both agree that if we'd met younger, we might not have got on. My only regret is that I spent time worrying about it and if I'd only known I'd hit the jackpot eventually, I think my 20s would have been more enjoyable

I'm now 41. My 30s were WAAAY better than my 20s. My 20s sucked. Sure I was thinner and drank more. But I had some bad relationships. I put up with shit I didn't have to.
I was more sure of myself in my 30s. I met my (now) DH at 32. Travelled the world for 14 months at 36. Got married at (very nearly) 37. Had my DD at 40. Life just improves with age IMHO.

Hmm. 30 was a long year for me. Finally left a bad relationship at agonizing heartbreaking slow speed, finished college, and met my now-DH. I felt like I hadn't made very good use of my 20s and was very worried about my future.

The 30s though have been an absolutely wonderful time for me. Not all good we have been through some hard times and it's been tough to find the way forward now and then but in my 30s I have become my own self and have been so very happy to know and be who I am. I think a lot of women (generalization alert but it is what I've seen) come into their 30s, get comfortable with who they are, and therefore find they have the drive and practical ability and groundedness to build the lives they really want and to make it through very hard times.

I think you'll find that if you want to turn your life around, as you said, you'll be able to do it. Good luck!

Also firsttimer I loved your post.

I was very unhappy when I turned 30 in terms of big kife milestones but I also had a very strong group of friends and family that made me feel blessed.

Two years after my 30th I was engaged to the love of my life, in a much better job and three years after I'm now married with more friends and family and trying for a baby.

What I realised was that turning 30 actually wasn't a big deal but it is useful to use it as a psychological milestone if you want to change something

Ohhh turning thirty did feel like a milestone. It was a moment to reassess. My life was pretty different within a year, completely different within four years and I was a lot happier. I was old enough finally to figure out what I wanted; 'take what you want and pay for it' is probably the mot juste. My thirties weren't all easy, but I had what I wanted and I paid for it. My only regret in fact is not taking more, but I was worried about not being able to meet the price.

On a more practical level, if you enjoy your job you might want to work on friendships with colleagues?

Today is my 30th birthday!

I have a DP and 2 children and thankfully no major health issues, so in that sense I can't relate to you. However, if I was single and /or had no kids I would be travelling more, doing more on my OU degree and participating in more voluntary work. All things I'll do once my dc are up a bit.

You say you feel you wasted time on the wrong things. I think really, as long as you recognise they were wrong and move forward, it isn't such a bad thing. (I spent many years learning what I didn't want in a partner by trying to make it work with men who were just not good for me.)

Maybe start looking at your life now and try to imagine what you would be saying to 30 year old you when you are turning 40. What hobbies would you like to pursue? Your new job sounds like its been a great boost to you and something you won't regret. Just make sure you don't live to work!

Thank you so much for the replies!! Lots of food for thought here, lots of good stories and interesting points made.

I suppose I have been thinking that my bereavement, followed by the relationship breakdown with my fiance, all knocked me for six a bit, and I seem to have spent the last few years recovering. Picking myself up and slowly trying to find a new way forward, and suddenly I'm 30!

It's not that it's old - far from it - it's that when I was engaged I guess I thought I might hopefully have two small children by that age, and be with the man I thought I would love forever. And of course that I would still have my mum very much a big part of my life, because we were very close. That was the family I thought I would have at this age, and instead things are very different and its just me.

Bluecarrot - happy birthday!!!! Hope you had a lovely day!