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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at this situation? Money, awkward...

62 replies

Okehampton · 22/06/2014 15:57

DH and I are buying a house, a project to renovate. We are pretty strapped for cash but think we can just about afford to do it.

DH mentioned the other evening

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 22/06/2014 23:08

OP, does your mother have form for this behaviour? Has she ever before manipulated you for her own selfish purposes?

glasgowstevenagain · 23/06/2014 07:30

I worry op won't take this advice.
Buy a smaller house a less nice area. Or keep renting.

Don't feel you need to buy

Preciousbane · 23/06/2014 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 23/06/2014 09:17

If you buy this property with your mother's money and it's not a gift but a stake of the equity then you won't be able to remortgage or sell it without her signature. If she needs her twenty grand back and you don't have it in savings she could force a sale and potentially make you homeless. Once she co-owns with you she will have a legal right to live in it.

There's far, far too much potential for unhappiness with this arrangement, never mind the moral and emotional obligations it places on you.

If you haven't exchanged contracts I would advise you to not proceed, even if that means not being able to buy for some time. She's already proven what she's capable of, and I suspect this will only be the beginning.

musicalendorphins2 · 23/06/2014 09:34

Sneaky mum you have there OP! I wouldn't want someone else to partially own my house. My mum offered us a similar deal, she would give us $20,000. and would live with us forever, paying towards the food and utilities. We didn't do it though.

Original poster
Okehampton · 23/06/2014 09:54

I have just spoken to her.

She says my Grandmother didn't offer 15k, it was only 5k, and that there was no mention of my brother.... Hmm ... She said she asked DH not to tell me as she was trying to protect my feelings in case my Grandmother decided not to give us the money Hmm ...

I explained that asking DH to keep things from me was utterly unacceptable, as was lying.

OP posts:
sparechange · 23/06/2014 10:02

Dear god do not let her own part of your house!
She sounds like a bit of an 'I know what it best for you' type, so she will want full control of your renovations, and you'll get the guilt trips when you don't listen.

Not to mention it will make it more complicated for your mortgage. They won't want 3 of you on the mortgage, so she'll have to get a deed of trust drawn up at the solicitor. Which will then have to be cleared before you can sell it. So if you ever get into a situation where you want to sell or remortgage, but she doesn't want you to, she will be able to block it.

Which will be great fun when she decides your brother has to move in, or something.

Or decides that she should have a share of the profit when your house is worth more after you put your blood, sweat and tears into renovating it.

Get a loan agreement drawn up if she wants some legal protection but for the love of god DO NOT LET HER OWN A SHARE OF YOUR HOUSE.
Blame the mortgage company if you need to, and tell her they won't lend to you if there is someone else with a significant chunk of the house - many wouldn't anyway...

BorisBaby · 23/06/2014 10:12

I second what everyone is saying DO NOT let her have a share in YOUR house. I would also speak to your grandmother sounds like she's back tracking. We has to borrow money of my DB for our deposit no legal stuff drawn up but we have that level of trust. We bought a house that needs doing up hasn't been touched since the 50's it's hard work but worth it. When we sell we will make a lot of money from it and will be giving my brother a nice little bonus (brother has been paid back BTW but didn't want any interest).

Money brings out evil in people my in laws and DF are like that and by the sounds of it your mother is too.

LemonSquares · 23/06/2014 10:26

She is already shit stiring without owning part of your home.

I'd see if she is willing to still lean with a loan agreement - if not look at cheaper housing or continue renting - which I know is a bit shit but will almost certainly save you years of game playing and hastle.

Hissy · 23/06/2014 14:38

she's lying love. not sure when it was that she's lying, i'm guessing NOW, so as to throw you off the scent of her getting her hands on your house.

make sure she knows that you will accept the GIFT of her money, but that no equity is going anywhere, much less to her.

Hissy · 23/06/2014 14:38

go and visit granny.... asap

BorisBaby · 24/06/2014 15:24

Have you seen your grandmother yet OP? I hope you do

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