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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

neighbour's boyfriend and mess

62 replies

matildasquaredy · 22/06/2014 13:30

So I live in a terraced house. We all have little patio/garden spaces in the backs of our houses, with a shared sort of alley. My neighbour on the end terrace has a boyfriend (more like, gentleman friend, as they're about 50) who stays on weekends with two little dogs. She's been here about six weeks, nice lady.

This morning I came back from the garden centre and went around the backs of our houses, straight to my garden. I was carrying pots and a trellis. Gentleman Friend was standing on the path with the two little dogs on leads, clearly waiting for neighbour to come out so they could go for a walk.

I get to my garden and see that there are two fresh dog messes right there. I cleaned them up and--trust me, they were brand new.

It was right on the tip of my tongue to say, "Is this you? You gonna clean this up?"

But then I thought, no, surely not. I mean... no. And if it were him he's clearly psychotic so speaking won't do anything.

He stood there and watched me clean the dog mess, then neighbour came out and they went on their walk.

The dogs were on leads when I happened to come around the corner, and my garden was out of their lead-range, though maybe four feet away. But who else could it have been? It's a dead-end alley and no one walks there unless they're coming to one of our houses.

I suppose I could have said, "Oh my god, did you see who did this?" But I was just so freaked out.

I'm going to wait till he leaves tonight and have a word with neighbour. I'll just say it like, "I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I can't think of any other possibility..."

The other option is to just decide it was a random one-off and wait till it happens again.

No, surely best to just address it today?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/06/2014 13:34

He would have got a mouthful from me. Yeah, I'd have a word with the neighbour.

matildasquaredy · 22/06/2014 13:36

Yes, there was the lawyer side of me saying, "You didn't actually witness...." but really, who else could it be?

OP posts:
APlaceInTheSummer · 22/06/2014 13:37

I think I'd wait to see if it happens again because you don't know for sure it was him, and you're possibly going to create bad feeling with your neighbour for no reason.

If it happened again, I'd mention it and ask if she saw who did it.

DwellsUndertheSink · 22/06/2014 13:39

Why on earth didnt you tell him to clean it up? DOnt act like a doormat and then be surprised if people treat you badly.

matildasquaredy · 22/06/2014 13:41

Because he's standing out of range and I didn't see it happen?

OP posts:
Hissy · 22/06/2014 13:41

"You'll have to clear this dog mess up, it's not acceptable to allow your dogs to foul anywhere and leave it"

If you really lack the self confidence to say that to him there and then, give fair warning to your neighbour that you will have no hesitation in asking either one of them in future to clean up after the dogs.

And do it.

Sheesh, I tell owners who 'appear not to notice' their dogs crouching and crapping that they might need to go and see what the hold up is and to make sure there's no poo there.

Unacceptable and revolting behaviour.

matildasquaredy · 22/06/2014 13:49

I just want to make a council report right away and tell the landlord.

I really have to say to someone, "Clean up these faeces?" Fuck that.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/06/2014 13:50

So you do it yourself rather than tell him to clean up his dogs' shite?

LadySybilLikesCake · 22/06/2014 13:51

You should have asked him if he needed any gloves to clear that up. If you do it for him, he'll think it's OK to leave it to you next time.

You could always take the 'passive aggressive' approach and leave them outside her door (not in bags).

matildasquaredy · 22/06/2014 13:51

Yes, I am sure all of you would have told him off in a trilling voice and then done a Bruce Lee-style flying-dragon kick to the head and everyone around would have said, "Wo-o-o-ow!"

I'm sure NONE of you have been so freaked out and stunned by psychotic behaviour that you had trouble believing your own eyes.

OP posts:
Mumof3xox · 22/06/2014 13:52

I would have told him straight

But my mouth is actually enormous and I fail epically at biting my tongue in situations like this

expatinscotland · 22/06/2014 13:54

I would have told him straight because I cannot clean dog crap without vomitting. That's why I don't have a dog. Just, 'Hey, you need to come clean up after your dogs.'

It makes me puke, so I wouldn't have cleaned it up.

matildasquaredy · 22/06/2014 14:09

OKAY all you Bruce Lees.

I went just now and had a word with neighbour. I described what I saw and she said, "Oh god. He'd be mortified. We took them to the canal just now and he does have bags, he cleans up. I'll have a word with him."

AND--as I was typing that I had to stop and answer the door because they both came round and he said, "I wondered what you were cleaning up, I thought, 'She doesn't have a dog.1 It definitely wasn't my dogs, I would never let them do that. I keep them on the lead [insert chit-chat about his dogs]. No I never would just let them do that [insert inconsiderate neighbour whom he once had to report for dog fouling in his garden]."

I said, "Thanks for being so nice about it. I'm sorry I jumped to a conclusion. Thanks for being lovely."

And it all ended up all nice.

So--I'm glad I didn't lose my temper right there. But also glad I had a word.

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 22/06/2014 14:11

Why is he clearly psychotic? What a ridiculous thing to say.

Why are you making assumptions as to how he would have reacted?

Yes I would have spoken to him and I doubt very much kung-fu karate kicks would have been necessary. If he argued or didn't listen then I would have waited for her to come out of her house and spoken to her, perhaps suggesting that I would take it further if she didn't do something about it.

creampie · 22/06/2014 14:12

Why was he psychotic?

Or are you using some inaccurate, possibly offensive, non diagnostic version of the term?

Grrrr Confused

emotionsecho · 22/06/2014 14:15

Ok so cross posted , see perfectly simple and straightforward no psychotic behaviour, perhaps you should stop jumping to conclusions and rein in your over active imagination.

matildasquaredy · 22/06/2014 14:16

I think emotionsecho we've cross-posted.

"Clearly psychotic." Leaving faeces out in plain view, for others to "experience," is psychotic. There's no other word for it.

I don't know about you but I have got a hell of a temper. If I'd said something right there and then it would have contained the word "motherfucking".

I'm glad I calmed down before speaking to them and as you see they were receptive. So even if it was him, it's been addressed.

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/06/2014 14:18

did you believe him ?

Roseformeplease · 22/06/2014 14:19

Psychotic?

Lazy? Entitled? Disgusting? But not psychotic.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 22/06/2014 14:19

I may be being a bit slow here, but why is/would he be psychotic? Glad you got it sorted, but why on earth would you clean it up if you thought it was him Confused Why wouldn't you ask at least, if it peed you off to clean it up? Where does the psychotic element come from? You talk about the "lawyer" side of you, but I don't know any lawyers who are backward in coming forward generally! I just don't get why you wouldn't ask? Baffled.

matildasquaredy · 22/06/2014 14:19

Lots of angry people! Creampie, no, sorry, I'm not qualified to diagnose psychoses. And emotionsecho--thanks for the advice on how to be! I've added "rein in overactive imagination" to my bucket list.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 22/06/2014 14:20

It's not psychotic behaviour, don't be ridiculous. He watched you clean up his dog's shit because you did it without a word...
And you claim you have a hell of a temper??

expatinscotland · 22/06/2014 14:22

I am still trying to figure out what is angry about, because from the way the OP is worded, it's pretty much a given it was his dogs, saying, 'Hey, was this your dogs? It makes me puke to clean up dog mess, that's why I don't have a dog. If it wasn't your dog, did you see whose it was?'

Percephone · 22/06/2014 14:23

No, not clearing up your dog's poo and not caring who sees it is not 'psychotic'. Angry

expatinscotland · 22/06/2014 14:23

If all people who allow their dogs to foul are psychotic, the world has a problem.