Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Not to accept facebook friends invite from a former class bully?

37 replies

DogCalledRudis · 22/06/2014 07:46

He was really vile. He beat me, pulled my hair, stabbed me with a screwdriver, if i complained to adults, he beat me up more.
Now he is a married man with two children, and wants to be my friend on facebook... Does he think i forgot?

OP posts:

MrsWolowitz · 22/06/2014 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandorClegane · 22/06/2014 07:49

Ignore, block.

Filimou · 22/06/2014 07:50

Ive had this. Just ignore and block. Just seeing their pictures come up sometimes made me feel sick.

Luggagecarousel · 22/06/2014 07:52

Why are you posting here?

You are not under any obligation to respond to anyone on FB. if you don't want to, just don't.

Non- issue

FunkyBoldRibena · 22/06/2014 07:53

Accept.
Post on his page 'I have accepted your friend request to tell you that you were a bulling cunt at school, you beat me up, stabbed me with a screwdriver and if I told anyone you beat me up more. I hope to god you are not like this to your wife or children.
Then de friend.

Of course, best time to do it would be when he is away from any internet so that he can't delete it.

Or just ignore. Or block.

FunkyBoldRibena · 22/06/2014 07:54

Bullying cunt. Not bulling cunt.

GloriousGloria · 22/06/2014 07:55

My ex bully repeatedly sent me friend requests.

One day I accepted then wrote a massive post on her wall firstly about her repeated friend requests then about her being a bully and really she was just being nosy.

Very cathartic.

Several old school friends saw it and thought it was brilliant

She never friend requested again

RumAppleGinger · 22/06/2014 07:55

Have you checked your "other" messages folder? Just wondering if a heartfelt apology accompanied this request? Not that I'm saying that would influence you deleting the request and never thinking of the prick again.

I got the same a few years ago from the cow who made high school a living hell for me. Turns out her daughter was now at primary school age and was getting bullied and this woman had had some sort of epiphany that, oh yes she'd been an unspeakable bitch.

Joysmum · 22/06/2014 07:56

Last year was a school reunion at a local pub. I really didn't want to go as I didn't want to meet my bully but 2 close friends from school pestered me on the night.

When I got there my worst nightmare happened, my bully was there and came over. 'I was a right bitch at school wasn't i?' She said. I aired my views, she apologised sincerely and I can honestly say I feel like I've come to peace with things. I'm in my 40's now and much happier as I've been able to put things behind me.

GirlInASwirl · 22/06/2014 08:14

Being able to refuse past bullies without explanation is one of the great joys of Facebook! Sounds like you had a rough time with him. Feel free to block or send a shirty PM message - saying that there are long-term effects to childhood bullying. You owe him nothing - including a chance for him to reduce his guilt (let him stew). Its very empowering as an adult to realise that you can CHOOSE not to engage with him. Then sit back and marvel at how well you turned out despite his best efforts.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 22/06/2014 08:23

Ooh, I love Funky's idea Probably not the most "grown up" but so bloody what. If he made your life hell for years then why shouldn't you have your say.

Hurr1cane · 22/06/2014 08:27

Someone bullied me in high school. They friend requested me on facebook and I let them. All was quiet for a few months, she then contacted me wanting to do something to donate money to the group I run for disabled children. I thanked her and let her, a few weeks later she contacted me to say she was a bitch in high school but she's changed now.

She has, she's lovely now.

Some people aren't though. One boy was a massive bully in high school, not terrible to me just a bit of name calling. He saw me in the shop once and shouted 'hirr1cane' then came over and proceeded to be a bit of a show off, the same as he always was. No doubt he's still a bit of a bully.

SnowinBerlin · 22/06/2014 10:03

There was a hideous bully in my old school - towards me and many others. I've never had a friend request but due to a planned 20-year school reunion party I saw her appear on FB conversations about the logistics. She was enquiring after a former classmate who was neglected at home and had terrible social difficulties as a result. She bullied him mercilessly. She wanted to know whether 'Scruffy Smelly' was attending so she could have a bit more fun with him.

Some people never change and remain hideous human beings. She actually still saw bullying as a public service - freaks were unacceptable and she was proud of her attempts to beat them into social conformity.

I never went to the party - I think the FB conversations confirmed why I hadn't kept in touch with a lot of people from school!

UncleT · 22/06/2014 10:14

This really warrants discussion? It's not obligatory to accept anyone as friends on Facebook.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 22/06/2014 10:25

I got one. My reply was "Hello X. I've often wondered where you live. Now I know".

Original poster

DogCalledRudis · 22/06/2014 10:30

I really don't want him. But i think it would be nice to bombard him with anarchist literature.

OP posts:

GreenPetal94 · 22/06/2014 10:35

I took pleasure in accepting a number of invites (based around a school photo one day) but not accepting the girl that bullied me. It would have been obviously that I wasn't accepting her.

GreenPetal94 · 22/06/2014 10:36

obvious not obviously

winkywinkola · 22/06/2014 10:39

Disgrace that sounds creepy!

glasgowstevenagain · 22/06/2014 11:24

Yabu.
Course your yanbu

why ask..

Hedgehead · 22/06/2014 11:41

People change. Bullies are often from difficult families. If you are enough Send him a message saying what he did to you was hurtful and abusive. if he doesn't get it and apologise, don't accept the request.

tanukiton · 22/06/2014 12:24

If it were me I would reply 'i don't think so' and block

TruJay · 22/06/2014 12:35

My former good friend turned bully was always trying to add me on FB once every couple of months or so, i just ignore every time.

I saw her for the first time about 6 years after i left school while i was with my DH and baby DS. I was entering a shop she was coming out of and she smiled and said "hi TruJay!" i just looked at her and said "really??!" and walked on past.

She just looked embarrassed and walked out of the shop and i felt great! I had a few more friend requests from her since then and its almost 11 years later, haven't had a request in about a year now, she may have finally got the message!

Either send a message expressing your views or completely ignore, i don't think there is a right or wrong in this situation. Just do what u feel is better for u

crazyspaniel · 22/06/2014 12:44

I accepted a request from a former class bully. I thought that, as we were now nearly 40, she would most likely have grown up. A few weeks later she posted a picture of woman she had been standing behind at a cash machine - she'd clearly taken the picture without the woman's knowledge so that she could upload it to facebook and laugh at the woman's weight and dress sense. I realised she hadn't changed a bit from that vile 14 year old (luckily she moved to another city at that age, so we were spared for the rest of secondary school). I actually felt a bit sorry for her, as she just didn't seem to have developed mentally or socially at all, in the way that most people do in their 20s and 30s. But not sorry enough to not defriend her.

noneofyours · 22/06/2014 12:54

I would go with what FunkyBoldRibena said. I might pm him first to ask why he has friend requested you given how much of a shit he was but if he's not bothered to PM a message then it's unlikely he really cares that much.

Flip

1 2