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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's rude to be an hour late even if you are family?

70 replies

Rkg233 · 21/06/2014 13:13

My mum is always late. As a child we always got to school/clubs/parties late.
My parents were meant to be coming round to see DS at 12. They live 45 minutes away and I said to her please can you let me know if you're running late, she said she would. Neither of them are answering their phones and we need to go out this afternoon. This happened a couple of weekends ago as well - they asked what time, we agreed at 11. At 11.30 I rang her and they were still sat at home. I know they're my parents but AIBU to think it's rude to be this consistently late even if they are family?

OP posts:

Trooperslane · 21/06/2014 13:15

Drives me bonkers.

It's totally inconsiderate.

I'd go out if I was you.

You've tried to contact them - are you supposed to waste the whole day hanging around for them?

KoalaDownUnder · 21/06/2014 13:16

YANBU

Rude no matter who it is. I think it shows a basic disrespect for other people's time.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/06/2014 13:17

I loathe lateness, it's rude and inconsiderate.

Its message is 'I don't care about your feelings, I'm more important'.

BackforGood · 21/06/2014 13:24

YANBU - I'd go out if this were a regular thing.

MadScientistsRuleTheAsylum · 21/06/2014 13:25

I would have gone out at that point. People being late with no good excuse drive me crazy.

abuhamzamouse · 21/06/2014 13:29

Go out. I loathe persistent lateness.

fluffyraggies · 21/06/2014 13:33

Go on with your day. If, a couple of times, they turn up at your house late as usual bt find you've gone out it might make them think next time.

Waste a little of their time and let them see how it feels.

Flyonthewindscreen · 21/06/2014 13:34

Rude of them, I hate persistently late people. I would go out at whatever time you planned to this afternoon and if that means you are not there when they arrive or only see your DS for a few minutes before you have to leave, that's their fault!

Rivercam · 21/06/2014 13:35

If you need to go out, then go out. You did warn them before hand.

Icimoi · 21/06/2014 13:37

I hope you have gone out, OP? If not, do so now, leaving a note on the door saying you were expecting them at 12 and couldn't wait any longer.

fluffyraggies · 21/06/2014 13:40

Just to add, i cringed a little at thread title as we have form for always being the last to show up at big family gatherings at MILs.

However - in our defense everyone else lives over an hour less traveling distance than us, we are the only ones having to negotiate 2 motorways, and we do always warn them that no, it wont be by 12, it'll be more like 2 or 3 as we'd like a morning to get stuff done before we leave.

We also always say please don't all sit and wait for us before starting to eat (always a buffet) but MIL still keep the cling wrap on everything untill we arrive!

Onethingatatime · 21/06/2014 13:41

Definitely YANBU- all my in laws do this and try to make it seem like me and Dh are too uptight because it bothers us. Go out and enjoy your day- tough luck that they'll miss out, they might just get
the message!

TheWickerWoman · 21/06/2014 13:46

My mil is terrible for time keeping. On two of our ds's birthdays she's turned up 2-3 hours late to see him, we plan the day around her so we can visit other people and she cocks it all up. One of the times (after she was due to arrive) we called her to see where she was and she was shopping the other side of town! We ended up going up to my parents for a while then having to rush back home when mil finally turned up.

DP did say to her last time 'mum please don't be late this year because we've got things we need to do after' she got quite huffy about that!

HappyAgainOneDay · 21/06/2014 13:48

fluffyraggies I'm glad you are not in our family if you think it's all right to inconvenience others.

The distance you have to travel is no defence whatsoever. You should just factor your journey into the planned travelling time.

What 'stuff' has to be done before you leave home? A load of washing? Catch up on school homework? Prepare dinner for the next day? If they are important tasks that have to be done, they should have been done the previous day. I expect your waiting family silently seethes while they wait for you. And you are teaching your DCs bad habits. I suspect that there will come a time when you are no longer invited to people's houses.......

tobiasfunke · 21/06/2014 13:50

YANBU.Go out. My PIL and SIL do this. We arrange a time and they turn up when they want to. Usually 1-2 hours late. No apologies. If you bring it up they will swear blind you didn't tell them the time you agreed. Now we start without them or have been known to go out if they are over 2 hours late.

WanderingAway · 21/06/2014 18:36

I can not stand lateness.

If you have been given a time to show up somewhere then you show up on time or a little bit early.

MehsMum · 21/06/2014 18:42

YANBU. Tell them it's not on.
My SIL is great at this - they live a two hour drive away, they'll be due here at 12.30 and ring at 11 to say, 'We're just leaving!' And then they'll arrive at 2 or 2.30, blaming the traffic.

Drives me NUTS, esp as by 11 I will be stuck in preparing lunch for 1pm. Luckily they don't visit very often.

Runesigil · 21/06/2014 19:48

If they are consistently 2 hours late, arrange the time of their arrival to be 2 hours earlier than you actually want them to be there, then when they think they are 2 hours late as usual, they are actually arriving when you really wanted them Translation - You want them there at 12, tell them to arrive at 10.

MehsMum · 21/06/2014 19:58

Oh, they're not that predictable, Runesigil! Wish they were!
As I say, they hardly ever come: they may have picked up on the evils from me....

EBearhug · 21/06/2014 20:02

Yes, unacceptable unless it's something really unavoidable like traffic problems. My father used to get so wound up by his sister always being late. In the end, they used to tell her an earlier meeting time than everyone else had.

I inherited my father's habits for punctuality.

greenfolder · 21/06/2014 20:05

just seen this. you need to train them op.

if you say "see you at 12.00" and there is no sign of them by 12.15 and phones are off, go out.

when they complain, just say you assumed they had forgotten so went to do something else.

they only do it because you let them get away with it.

mileysorearse · 21/06/2014 20:10

I would go out too, they need to have a few wasted journeys and learn some manners. DP's family are terrible for this. We went to a party last weekend where the invitation foolishly had the end time as 2am. They apparently turned up but not before we left at 11pm.

toddlewaddleflipflop · 21/06/2014 20:15

Drives me bonkers. In laws are always at least an hour late. One Christmas eve they were supposed to be here for dinner at 6pm, didn't arrive until midnight. No phone call as something went wrong with mobile phone. Couldn't organise piss up in a brewery. Low, low expectations are my coping strategy, but it does still make me cross!

GnomeDePlume · 21/06/2014 20:32

YANBU and I feel your pain. We were stuck waiting an hour for DM & DB to arrive for what was essentially a business meeting (DH is doing work for DB). We were less than 10 minutes away but they just couldnt get their arses in gear.

50KnockingonabiT · 21/06/2014 20:36

I'd have to say something, I can't abide lateness

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