about the unrelenting nature of running a household & caring for family

[marmitenot]

I am so tired of being in charge.

My oldest child is 20 my youngest is 8 (4 of them in total). I feel like I don't want to be the person responsible for everything anymore.

I worked for 10 years full time, SAHM for 8 years, back to work full time 3 years ago and I do everything for the household. Every piece of housework, every piece of admin, every school run, every school event. My husband works long hours (although no longer than me) but I work from home.

I am the person who makes everything happen yet no one notices. If I don't do it I just get complaints.

When I ask for help or try to assign jobs it has no effect. Our house is a tip (I have very low standards as it is) yet I work my backside off keeping on top of things.

I want things to change, I want to be appreciated, I want the 6 people in the household to play their part in keeping everything on track but nothing I have done has worked. I don't want to be a martyr - I just want to do less. How on earth did this happen?

Can you start by identifying the things that will have very negative consequences if no-one does them (e.g. arranging medical appointments, admin with high financial comeback if not done) and accept that you will continue to do them for now.

The real question is how to get your husband to take on the responsibility for things like signing forms, making appointments, buying presents etc. And how to get the children to do a significant portion of their own housework (laundry, cooking, cleaning, tidying).

You know them best...'asking' them to do it clearly won't work. With the kids are there priveliges you can remove until they start taking responsibility for their own laundry, own room cleaning/tidying and a set other household task (e.g. cleaning bathroom, making dinner)? Or could you just stop doing their laundry, stop changing their sheets, stop cooking them dinner until they start to feel the consequences themselves?

With your husband, how is your relationship? Can you sit down and have a serious talk with him about how much this is getting you down, and explain in detail why it's not enough for him to just sign forms from time to time, that you need him to actually be on the ball ALL the time about ALL the things that need doing, because you're cracking up under the strain. If he loves you and cares about you he should want to help. You need to find a way to make him understand all the things you do, and find practical ways to start transferring long-term (not just short term) responsibility onto him.