To hate "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"?

[AndHarry]

Really? The really painful experiences I've had have just made me feel tired, anxious and worn down. The last thing I want to hear is that I'm crap at suffering because I'm missing the learning experience that will make me stronger.

Or is it just me?

She's ok. Still in remission.
So sorry to read that Expat
harry I guess sometimes people just don't know what to say when faced with someone who is having a really shit time.

Glad to hear your DD's in remission, Wholenew. Hope you're doing OK, too

I lost a child. She was right between my 15 yo DS and my 8 yo DD. what am I supposed to say when people comment on the age gap - I got stronger, she didnt ?

I want to throat punch twits who utter that platitude...

It is a platitude. And it's not true. The only thing I can say in hindsight is that sometimes, going through difficult experiences forces you to cope and can give you greater empathy with others. However there's certain experiences I've had in life that I wished hadn't happened. However I can't change them and I try and look back and see what positive things may have come out of them. It's hard though because you don't know what sort of person you would have been if those things hadn't happened.

Often if you look at people who become counsellors or who set up charities, it's often because they experienced trauma in their own lives and this is a way for them to overcome it by helping others, or to give a random event meaning. So to that extent, there is some truth in it. Equally, some people can be utterly broken by life events.

expat I'm so sorry. So many people suffering, U2 you're exactly right about the scars. Just coming out of my own dark times now, I'm not stronger because of them and I'm alive because the issue with me couldn't physically kill me unless I took my own life. I absolutely hate it when people use that ridiculous saying.

Equally, I hate it when people are full of congratulations that you've been through a hard time and 'got through it', what is the alternative? What happens when you don't 'get through it'? Surely, in a lot of cases the final outcome looks the same to people who it is not happening to. No one can see the scars others truly hold.

That Modern Family episode is great, Manny speaks so much sense for a young person :).

It winds me up too. I think if some of the crap i suffered as young adult hadn't happened i wouldn't have gone through life prone to anxiety and depression . found this this article in psychology today www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201008/what-doesnt-kill-you-makes-you-weaker

I personally like "Everything will be alright in the end, and if its not alright its not the end'

Oh, and for the record... it did kill me.

My body keeps going on, but the me who I was before she died is gone.

I'd suggest you ask anyone who knew me back then, but most of them are gone, too.

Sadly, it is often the way of the beast.

What if it already has happened? I hate that too.

everlong a favourite of mine is "they said cheer up, it could be worse... so I cheered up, and sure enough, it got worse!"

Everything will be alright in the end, and if its not alright its not the end

I like that coribells.

I'm not keen on this "stronger" phrase either. The last couple of years have been tough. I am still here. Do I feel stronger? Not really. A bit wiser maybe sometimes, more empathetic to others with similar difficulties, a bit more self-aware, bit also aware of my own fragility.

Take care everyone who's had tough times.

All these platitudes are just so trite and so often based on some kind of wierd deterministic world where things happen for a reason.

I particularly hate a saying used a lot up here in Glasgow: 'what's for you won't go by you.'

So on one hand I'm meant to sit waiting in anticipation for the good things that might happen to me purely driven by fate but, equally, I could be served up a shitstorm and that is all gods plan. Lovely.

I agree, CallMe.

Well, everything wasn't allright, and she ended. My child's life ended.

Also I really hate 'everything will be alright in the end...if it's not alright it's not the end.'

When my dad killed himself things certainly weren't alright and it was the end. In fact it was anything but alright but absolute mental anguish at the end. Ditto all the many suicides out there.

Stupid sayings just to make people feel better but ultimately to politely and swiftly negate their real concerns.

wholenewsituation what an absolutely terrible thing for someone to say.
I'm so sorry to hear that you have to deal with thoughtless idiots when you need all your strength for your own family.

I don't like the phrase at all in general and have found that dealing with adversity, rather than making me what I'd describe as 'stronger' has made me in my own opinion rather intolerant and unpleasant at times

Can I add 'things happen for a reason' and 'It's probably for the best' to the list of saying that make you want to scream FUCK OFF IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY THEN DONT SAY ANYTHING YOU GIANT DICK.

Although the sane part of me knows they are just wheeling out the platitudes because they don't know what to say but want to try anyway.

Some awful losses on this thread, life can be such a shit

I do sometimes think 'well, I got through that really shit time so this slightly shit day really isn't so bad' so I guess in that way the difficult times have made me stronger but on the other hand when something actually challenging happens I do crumple a little cos I think ' oh blimey, not again, I don't think I can cope with this but I do because you just have to

Agree op
I was told recently while having a melt down (missing my parents who died 18 and 14 months ago)
Just think of the good times and all those treasured memories you have. Eh no I think I'll just cry my eyes out and then pick myself up and keep going.

I know people mean well and probably don't know what to say but in these situation s its best to say nothing.

Losing my parents has certainly not made me stronger,its made me parent less!

All of these empty sayings are not intended to console the recipient, but the speaker.

If they tell you everything will be ok, or that special challenges are given to special people or I am tempted to violence upon hearing this one I couldn't do what you do/better you than me/ I don't know how you do it what they are actually saying is i don't want to talk about it, it makes me uncomfortable. As my comfort is more important to me than your anguish, I shall dismiss your challenges and minimise your struggle with some bullshit platitude usually found on a poster with a picture of a kitten on it

Yeah, it's a sore spot.

CallMe, spot on.
I think there is a time and a place, and a few soothing words might do in some circumstances. But never, ever, when someone is grieving, afraid, or in real anguish.

All of these empty sayings are not intended to console the recipient, but the speaker.

Very true, I have known a number of people in my life who dispense such platitudes in lieu of providing genuine support. The same people seem given to posting the same inane rubbish on social media, usually shared from someone who has way too much access to photoshop.

I hate that saying.

The things that have happened to me have made me less resilient and much more vulnerable.

Not stronger.

My DD's long illness sapped my strength and her death shattered me. My OH's disability worries me and my son's SNs take up most of what is left of my energy.

I feel like a strong wind could blow me over most days.

YANBU, I really hate that phrase too :(

I like 'the only way out is through'. Sometimes life is just a bloody bear hunt.
Cancer isn't a journey, it isn't a battle either. It is a crap disease that you have to deal with. And having a positive attitude won't cure you. If you die it isn't because you didn't fight hard enough or because you stepped off the train at the wrong stop.

Sorry