To kill DP

[Hurr1cane]

Since he has woken up this morning and (kindly) driven me and DS to school because I haven't slept after being up with DS all night. He has:

Told me there wasn't much room for mushrooms and ran off with the trolly

Locked the car so I couldn't get back in when I took the trolley back.

Said "look how good I am at parking, you're rubbish" massive grin I put all the wheels straight all near and everything"

Told the lady at the checkout to call the police because he was one of them slave people and I hadn't let him out for 50 years (I'm in my 20s) because I asked him to put a bag in the trolley

Asked me why I turned the air vents on near the drivers seat in the car because he doesn't like them on while driving, when told I do he said that he was more important (again massive grin) and if I did it again he was going to put anchovies in the air vents so I wouldn't turn them on.

Trumped when walking past me and and told DS it was me.

It's important to note that these (and more) were all jokes. He is a very kind man and came back to mine from a 12 hour shift atwork to help me with my DS because I was exhausted. But he thinks he's hilarious and I want to smother him with a cushion.

Or maybe I should just feed his very expensive fish to the cats, who desperately needed a fuss off me when I was putting the shopping away so came (with help from him) to sit on to shoulder.

Is there perhaps a mute button. I love him dearly but I'm tired and he isn't funny today

I find the constant jokes very wearing. DH doesn't do it often, but when he gets together with certain friends, or with his DBs he goes a bit overboard and I have to tell him to go and be funny elsewhere because he's doing my head in.

Some feel the need to devalue others relationships. I have no idea why it is very petty and sad.

I think you are in a wonderful relationship and very committed to each other. I couldn't care less if you called him our side kick/life partner/DP/BF/DF. Call him whatever you like it is your pain in the arse choice

Ds2 makes terrible jokes and talks nonsense, non stop. We have a rule that he is not allowed to talk during the hours of daylight. I honestly believe this has saved his life on more than one occasion!

Better than being a grumpy bastard.

I'd kill FOR your dh!

I'm not allowed to be tired and grumpy. mine sees it as a personal affront. If I'm irritable it's obviously an attack on his manhood. so the more irritable I am the more irritable he gets. its very wearing!

I'd love a joker!

Hahaha he is a sweetheart really

He just annoyed me today. I'm over it now. DS has gone to his dads and DP bought me some rum

And the kitten is trying to catch the robot fish.

You need to come up with some quick responses Op eg tell him you will put an anchovy in his air vent if he doesn't watch out.

Dh is like this some bloke was laughing at me in sainsbos the other week cos dh said I usually use the smoke alarm as an oven timer

I told him is shoves anchovy up his arse if that counts?

I'd shove an** even. Too much rum

He sounds like fun - MN (and this thread!) could do with some relentless cheerfulness so maybe you could suggest that he signs up and annoys everyone on here instead. I'm sure he would thrive on entertaining all the po-faced no-funs who insist on making every thread a judge-fest!

when I'm in a 'lively' mood, I make constant shit jokes too. I wouldn't blame dp for killing me.

He would probably love it I haven't told him MN exists or he would probably come on just to wind me up. It's my little bit of peace

is it just me or is there at least one poster on every thread concerning a DP, who is very eager to draw OP's attention to the possibility that there is something more sinister going on...?

(don't say 'it's just you')

YWNBU to chuck him as far as possible. He's a petulant, controlling dickhead.

Nah, I suspect us "no-funs" live with similar annoyance and are projecting wildly. I know I am.

ouryve are you joking?

Some of us "no funs" have been through the entire process with a man like this. It goes a long way beyond the "fun" wearing thin.

If you get off on it, fine, but please don't whinge when you feel devalued yet again.

that really is projecting... OP doesn't even sound as though she finds it THAT annoying.

I don't feel devalued. It is fun. He isn't controlling and we are fine.

I was tired and grumpy and wanted to have a moan.

DP helps with my DS who has severe disabilities and health problems.

Helps me with me own health problems.

I support him.

But when I'm tired I find his jokes irritating.

When I'm tired I also find DS irritating.

I haven't slept for 4 days and fancied a comedy moan.

Nothing sinister, no abuse, nothing controlling or devaluing.

Don't kill him, just buy all of these items, them let us know the results.
Radio Controlled Fart Machine and other Joke Items

My DH winds me up no end with his silly jokes, then every once in a while he is genuinely very funny, so I laugh and it gives him the encouragement he needs for the childish toilet humour. Bums and willies.... Ha bloody ha.

Kittens in shoes is very very cute though!

Next time he plays up in public put on your best most patronising voice and say to whoever is nearby "Oh dear, that means Nigel/whoever has had an accident", do you know where the nearest toilet is?". Then if he answers back, say to him, "This is what you are like when you get tired young man"..