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Original poster

To kill DP

73 replies

Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 10:03

Since he has woken up this morning and (kindly) driven me and DS to school because I haven't slept after being up with DS all night. He has:

Told me there wasn't much room for mushrooms and ran off with the trolly

Locked the car so I couldn't get back in when I took the trolley back.

Said "look how good I am at parking, you're rubbish" massive grin I put all the wheels straight all near and everything"

Told the lady at the checkout to call the police because he was one of them slave people and I hadn't let him out for 50 years (I'm in my 20s) because I asked him to put a bag in the trolley

Asked me why I turned the air vents on near the drivers seat in the car because he doesn't like them on while driving, when told I do he said that he was more important (again massive grin) and if I did it again he was going to put anchovies in the air vents so I wouldn't turn them on.

Trumped when walking past me and and told DS it was me.

It's important to note that these (and more) were all jokes. He is a very kind man and came back to mine from a 12 hour shift atwork to help me with my DS because I was exhausted. But he thinks he's hilarious and I want to smother him with a cushion.

Or maybe I should just feed his very expensive fish to the cats, who desperately needed a fuss off me when I was putting the shopping away so came (with help from him) to sit on to shoulder.

Is there perhaps a mute button. I love him dearly but I'm tired and he isn't funny today

OP posts:
TurtleyAmazing · 20/06/2014 10:30

next time you go shopping with your partner wait until you are in an isle full of people and suddenly shout " what do you mean you have been wearing my underwear!!" or something similar.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 10:31

Turtley!!! GrinGrinGrin

I really want to do that! I would probably be too shy though. Maybe of we go out at some point this year I'll be able to do it in the pub after a couple of drinks Wink

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 20/06/2014 10:38

I hate that sort of constant joking, it drives me bats. I couldn't cope with it at all, I particularly loathe practical jokes.

It's lovely that he's so kind and helpful, but chances are I'd have dumped his arse way before now purely because of the constant "joking".

diddl · 20/06/2014 10:40

Does he ever bother to stop when he realises that you don't find it funny?

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 10:44

He can't stop it's just the way he is. He does constantly thank me for being able to put up with him though.

I do really love him very much Smile

I just also sometimes want to apply some super glue to his lips

OP posts:
gamerchick · 20/06/2014 10:45

I must admit I would find it tiresum but I can see what he's trying to do bless him.

Practical jokes are easy www.ebay.co.uk/sch/sis.html?_kw=3+x+FAKE+LOTTERY+TICKET+SCRATCH+CARDS+CHEAPEST+ON+EBAY mean but easy enough.

TurtleyAmazing · 20/06/2014 10:45

Oh you should, it's very fun!! My DP's favorite pass time is annoying me. He will bug me all day long until i finally snap. Once an entire tesco thinks he has been wearing my G-strings or has been caught in bed with my brother he realizes that i am a bitch and he won't win this game :D

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 10:50

Hahaha some good ideas for some revenge jokes here!

OP posts:
diddl · 20/06/2014 13:52

He can't stop??? er ok!

So he carries on regardless of how you feel, at work, with everyone he meets...

Thumbwitch · 20/06/2014 13:58

See, when people do things that are really annoying and then say they can't stop, they can't help it, it always reminds me of this quote from Anne of Avonlea:
[Mr Harrison says] You must excuse me, Anne. I've got a habit of being outspoken and folks mustn't mind it."

[Anne says] "But they can't help minding it. And I don't think it's any help that it's your habit. What would you think of a person who went about sticking pins and needles into people and saying, `Excuse me, you mustn't mind it. . .it's just a habit I've got.' You'd think he was crazy, wouldn't you?

Exactly.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 14:14

He's just like that. I love him for it really. He's not being mean.

OP posts:
diddl · 20/06/2014 14:16

He's being mean if it's annoying you & he still won't stop.

Thumbwitch · 20/06/2014 14:17

Well actually, he is if he carries on with it when you don't like it. That is being mean.

HappyAgainOneDay · 20/06/2014 14:24

At a tangent, why do some of you think he's 'helping'? Shouldn't he be 'sharing' the work?

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 16:10

Why should he be sharing the work when he doesn't live with me and it isn't his DS? I think I'm pretty lucky with the amount he does for us. DS has severe autism as well as other complex medical needs and disabilities, he's a life saver some days.

OP posts:
FreudiansSlipper · 20/06/2014 16:23

you sound like you are talking about an annoying little brother

and what would be said by a sister who is annoyed with her annoying little brother

you are talking about him as though he is a child and well he is acting childish

HappyAgainOneDay · 20/06/2014 16:48

Sorry but you talked about a DP so I thought he lived with you. Do you mean he's a boyfriend?

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 17:22

Well we've been together for years so he's not just a new thing no. He's my partner, he just doesn't live with me and won't for the foreseeable because it just wouldn't work in our situation (he works nights, gets home at 3-4am, stays up for a bit to wind down and has to sleep all day)

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 20/06/2014 18:20

It's ok, my DH tells bad jokes, and if I don't laugh, he tells them again to make sure I got it or was listening. I've had to tell him several times yes, I got it, it just wasn't funny. Grin

Hobby2014 · 20/06/2014 18:25

Lol sounds rather annoying for you, but very funny to anyone but you! Wink

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 18:33

It's funny to me when I'm not tired Grin I do love him a lot, he is lovely really, he is just a natural clown

OP posts:
runningonwillpower · 20/06/2014 18:38

My husband has a great sense of humour. He's the funniest guy I know.

But sometimes, just sometimes, he needs to be told that his timing was rubbish.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 18:43

His timing was rubbish today, but he didn't mean to be annoying, we all have our faults, I have anxiety disorder and, although I couldn't give two shits if he goes out or where he goes or who with (he's an adult and I trust him) I do like to know he's got home safe, so he always texts me saying 'safe, night' however pissed he might be. I, in turn, don't LTB when he's being a clown because I'm tired.

It was only A lighthearted thread, and I was hoping for some ideas to joke him back (which I got and I'm storing)

OP posts:
DottyDooRidesAgain · 20/06/2014 18:49

Some posters need to take their miserable mood somewhere else. Hmm
Ignore the relationship police OP you can call your other half whatever you want.

OP your DP sounds like fun. I have a DH who's favourite pass time is annoying me but I wouldn't have it any other way. Grin

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 20/06/2014 18:54

Thank you, he's very fun in small doses Wink

He IS my DP for all intents and purposes, out situation is out of our control but it doesn't impact on our commitment to each other.

Even though I wanted to smother him with a cushion today

OP posts: