AIBU re neighbour (politeness and smoking)

[dancingwithmyselfandthecat]

I have started smoking again. This is neither big nor clever and I make no justification for it. I will be giving up again shortly but this really seriously isn't the week.

When I smoke, I go out by the front door. I live in a ground floor flat and this leads me straight onto the pavement. I pretty much cannot go further away without stepping onto the road. My upstairs neighbour lives on the upper ground floor.

The last couple of times I have been out upstairs neighbour has bellowed out of his open window at me to stop smoking "into his flat". There was a "please" on the end the second time, but the kind of please which acts as an intensifier and not a courtesy.

I have a strained relationship with upstairs neighbour anyway because he is rude and domineering. So I genuinely can't tell if I WBU to give him any of the following responses:

1. Explain that he cannot dictate what people lawfully do in a public space ie the pavement outside their house and that he has the alternative of shutting the window.

1. Explain that whilst I understand that smoking is unpleasant and anti-social his attitude is also deeply unpleasant and anti social. If he would like to ask me politely (genuinely politely, as opposed to bellowing from his sofa) I would do my best to accommodate him.

1. Smile sweetly, and say that I am happy to be more neighbourly, but perhaps in turn he could also be more neighbourly and try to keep down the incessant banging on the floor which I find maddening (it is particularly prevalent when there is sport on the telly).

• Our windows! I meant to say.

Smokers don't realise how some non-smokers react - for me it is instant nausea. Yuk yuk yuk. I'd probably react the same as your neighbour.

Loving all the precious flowers who would rather move house than stand within 15 feet of someone having a fag. If that's your biggest problem etc etc.

Sorry OP but I think your behaviour is awful and really anti-social. I can see why your neighbour doesn't like you. I am so glad I don't have a neighbour like you.

It's not precious to not want your home stunk out by second hand smoke. It reeks and it's pretty selfish to not give a toss about the impact that your disgusting habit has on others. I say this as an ex smoker, honestly despite some thinking they are a "good smoker" there actually is NO considerate smoker, you all stink and it's unfair to inflict it on others.

It makes no odds if "that's someone's biggest problem.." Being subjected to a second hand carcinogenic stink is enough of a problem to cause upset!

YANBU and I say that as a non smoker.

It is terribly precious to be so ridiculous about the smell of smoke. The OP is smoking as far away from the building as she can, she has already stated that she is not smoking in the garden so as not to get smoke in the vile neighbour's child's bedroom, so she has made all the concessions she can really.

If you don't like someone being as considerate as they can be with a habit you don't like close your windows. And hope to god that you don't do anything ever which anyone could possibly get annoyed about.

You know the smoke will go into his house so why complain because he doesnt like it? You don't want it near your children but its okay for him to breathe it in?

I understand it's difficult for you to give it up right now but YABU to expect him to put up with your anti-social habit.

Our neighbour used to smoke weed outside their home which used to come into ours. It stank.

Having an asthmatic dd and one who was admitted with breathing difficulties as a baby, having smoke enter my home from a neighbour would be a huge worry for me.

Dowant mater how nasty some one is, I till wouldn't think that made it on to stink out his home with his children in it.

Doesn't

Christ but I am bored of the anti-smoking rhetoric that you get on mumsnet.

^^
This.

Also bored of the rudeness of some closed minded posters, there are many polite ways to get a point over that you disagree with.

If you're the ground floor, how much smoke can actually be getting into his flat? You said you're giving up soon OP so I'd just leave it for now, hopefully it won't be a problem much longer.

His way of approaching you was wrong, but I can understand him being annoyed. I had to close my balcony door and sitting room window last night, despite it being a beautiful hot evening, because of smoke drifting in from next door's balcony.

Yes, he is entitled to smoke on his balcony. But that doesn't mean it's not annoying or inconsiderate.

The OP is smoking as far away from the building as she can

Where do you get that from? She's got the length of the pavement to smoke in, she chooses to smoke on the bit near neighbour's window.

YABU to expect someone that you don't get on with to take well the fact that you are smoking near his property and the smoke is getting into his flat?

If you got on with him generally and he took exception to this then this OP would be more understandable but you clearly don't like him, don't get on with him and now you seem surprised that he is pissed off about you getting smelly, toxic smoke into his home?

Can you move away from his home to smoke? Or smoke inside your own flat?

YANBU. I would tell him to piss off. It's on the pavement.

RTFT, she has already said why she doesn't smoke in the flat.

If you are not right under his window I would say YANBU. I can't believe some of the nasty anti smoking posts on here, so rude and judgemental.

I had my side door moved to the back of my house to get away from the stink of my neighbours house and garden (and the flies), I would have preferred them chain smoking in the garden under my windows to the filth and smell of rubbish.

I have a similar situation (well not me anymore because I've given up but my DP still smokes) in that the only area we have to smoke is literally on our front porch. But then we are given the dilemma of to the right being someone's kitchen or to the left being someone's bedroom. If I had to choose, I would always face towards the kitchen but they would often slam the window shut. I have now told DP to go and stand in the middle of the car park away from all the open windows but it's not nice! It is a difficult situation and I think the neighbour could be nicer about it or shut his window for the 5 minutes that OP is out there.

PerfectlyPosed, I've got an idea for your DP, and it'll save him money as well.

Pack in smoking.

Blimey dancing, if I had a neighbour that had done all that stuff to me I would be rigging up some contraption with a snorkel and puff ALL the smoke in his flat.

Seriously though, and I am a smoker, is there anyway you could smoke that didn't go into his flat? If he's unpleasant enough already he could get nasty....

smoke stinks.

it is not 'precious' to say this and to dislike the revolting smell. It is also not 'precious' not to want it blown into your house.

it's not the pollution or health risk (although I do wish cigarettes were more toxic to the user), it just STINKS. It is selfish and revolting to blow stink into someone's house.

unless the smoker has no mobility at all, they can walk 100 yards and downwind. Raining? Tough.

she doesn't smoke inside the flat because her flatmates are non-smokers. But so is her neighbour!

Go to the park and smoke. Sorry, but secondhand smoke is horrible. Your flatmates don't want it, and nor do either of your neighbours. So take it away from them all.

Perhaps people are being rude because the OP is refusing to accept she's doing anything wrong (and yes, I understand perfectly that she's not doing anything illegal, but it doesn't mean she's doing something right either).

although I do wish cigarettes were more toxic to the user

You've said this on another thread before. Whatever you think of smoking, this a deeply shitty thing to say. Half of smokers will die from their habit. It causes 100,000 deaths in the UK each year - of actual people with families and friends who love them.

Shame on you.

Icimoi believe me, I have tried to encourage him to give up! Especially as the reason I have given up is because I'm pregnant and it is all I want to do. He has cut down considerably and goes out once or twice in an evening but it's still not ideal.