AIBU re neighbour (politeness and smoking)

[dancingwithmyselfandthecat]

I have started smoking again. This is neither big nor clever and I make no justification for it. I will be giving up again shortly but this really seriously isn't the week.

When I smoke, I go out by the front door. I live in a ground floor flat and this leads me straight onto the pavement. I pretty much cannot go further away without stepping onto the road. My upstairs neighbour lives on the upper ground floor.

The last couple of times I have been out upstairs neighbour has bellowed out of his open window at me to stop smoking "into his flat". There was a "please" on the end the second time, but the kind of please which acts as an intensifier and not a courtesy.

I have a strained relationship with upstairs neighbour anyway because he is rude and domineering. So I genuinely can't tell if I WBU to give him any of the following responses:

1. Explain that he cannot dictate what people lawfully do in a public space ie the pavement outside their house and that he has the alternative of shutting the window.

1. Explain that whilst I understand that smoking is unpleasant and anti-social his attitude is also deeply unpleasant and anti social. If he would like to ask me politely (genuinely politely, as opposed to bellowing from his sofa) I would do my best to accommodate him.

1. Smile sweetly, and say that I am happy to be more neighbourly, but perhaps in turn he could also be more neighbourly and try to keep down the incessant banging on the floor which I find maddening (it is particularly prevalent when there is sport on the telly).

fairly sure that BBQ smoke also carries toxins, although I take your point that they are usually one off occassions...

I don't think there is any medical advice that children should be kept away from bbq smoke.

Where are people getting the idea this is about children from? No mention of the neighbour having kids in the first post - have I missed something or are people leaping to erroneous conclusions?

I see no mention of the neighbour having kids either.

Oh look a smoking thread, rapidly growing as people pile in to have a go at OP. Where were you all on the ASH Q&A? There were embarrassingly few questions asked on there, even though it was stickied for a whole week. Truth be told, none of you actually give a shit about public health, you just enjoy having an easy target to vilify.

• While cigarettes can legally be sold, people will smoke.
• Some smokers will find it bloody hard to stop because it's highly addictive.
• Relapses are common.
• Wherever smokers smoke, somebody will have a problem with it.
• 2/3 of smokers became addicted as children.
• Half of long term smokers will die from smoking related diseases.

If you don't like this situation then:

a) campaign for the sale of cigarettes to be made illegal - and suck up the inevitable tax hike you will be required to pay elsewhere to make up the shortfall.

b) support smokers who are trying to quit. If shaming and vilification worked we'd have no smokers left. Maybe the problem is a little more complex than that.

OP - earphones may solve most of your problems - except for the lurking around in your garden, I'd report that to the police on the non-emergency number in case it escalates. When you are ready to try quitting again, head over to the stop smoking section, you'll get lots of support, whatever method you choose.

And now here comes the list of other things that smell awful and cause pollution.

Hey, dancing, you forgot cars! And trains! Not nearly as immediately carcinogenic but if you're determined to reach for justifications you'll have to take what you can get!

neighbour does have kids, whose bedrooms overlooks my back garden, hence why I smoke at the front

*dancingwithmyselfandthecat Thu 19-Jun-14 20:34:19
greenfolder - did you ask him to move? Did you ask him politely? what did he say/do?

My alternative is smoking in the back garden, which would go into his kitchen and children's bedroom.*

Plentyofpubesgarden........ Thanks for the encouragement on my thread, it's been invaluable.

But can I say I did :)

No, I'm not going to feel sorry for smokers.

Should we make cigarettes illegal? Because that worked for marijuana.

The research has been out there for decades. People smoked all around me when I was a child. I got made fun of for not smoking, but I still didn't start because I didn't want to be addicted to something filthy and expensive. I'm not going to coddle all the people who just decided they'd go for it.

I am right now sitting in my bedroom with the windows shut because my neighbours are sitting in their garden smoking. It's gross, it smells, I can't hang my washing out because it stinks of smoke so instead it is on a drier inside making my flat damp. I have asthma triggered by cigarette smoke and a toddler who is having symptoms of asthma who I don't want inhaling cigarette smoke. But as far as Ican can tell it's their garden so there's nothing I can do.

Sorry for the harsh replys.

I wish you all the luck giving upwhen you are ready,I think I may have lost sight on how nicotine addiction can take hold.

I really hope that you manage to quit.

No DC (another story)

Not smoking inside the flat because:

1. Live with non smokers
2. Flat is ground floor terrace conversion, with people above and to the side and when I previously used to smoke indoors another neighbour said (nicely) that it seeps through the walls.

ICan, thank you - that is a lovely and supportive message

Why don't you smoke in your house? (I'm a smoker too and not being snarky, it's a genuine question)

Erk, sorry, ignore the x post

Then stop smoking! helpful

As he's proven himself to be an arse I'd probably shout back "can you pay for the line you cut, PLEASE" then repeat as necessary.

Look the OP is entitled to smoke wherever the fuck she wants. On the pavement. In her back garden if she chooses. Her neighbour may not like it but there's bugger all he can do about it.

The neighbour is probably more at risk from road pollution than he is of the OP's fag.

What he's doing is harrassment and I can't believe that the anti-smoking fervour is so extreme on here that people can't see that.

Just because he's an arse doesn't mean you have to be. Why not be the better person and rise above his bad behaviour and simply move along the street a bit, or down to the bottom of the garden, so that your smoke doesn't enter his flat? Wouldn't a little bit of consideration on your part give you the moral high ground and perhaps give you a bit of leverage to get him to change his behaviour.

What about e-cigs? In all these situations where smokers upset their co-habitees/neighbours, wouldn't they offer a solution?

The smell is revolting. My neighbour smokes in the back garden and it comes in our bathroom window. We have to have the window open or we get mould in there. They are retired and seem to sit in the garden all day smoking. My house constantly stinks of fags.

Strangely this thread is making me feel better, knowing I am not alone in the misery of the smoking neighbour!

Our neighbours smoking habits are ruining the enjoyment of our home and garden. I look on rightmove everyday but know escaping what could be a lovely home is all a far away dream. There is nothing I can do as what they do in their garden is their business, and smoking outside is not against the law.

We have to keep aware of their daily routine?! It's ridiculous! But it's so we can get the windows shut before the smell just sits in our home and making everything stink. I think it's terribly selfish and very, very unreasonable to spark up without being aware that your dirty habit will impact on others. I do quietly seethe at my neighbours, but it's in their own garden, they are not being selfish on purpose I guess, I just wish they would be a little aware, in the meantime we will continue to sit roasting in our stuffy house, unable to open one windows with the tumble dyer going as we hate our clothes coming in off the line stinking of fags.

I'm an ex smoker, I guess I have reaped my karma? I never knew just how much I stunk, I thought my 'precautions' and polite / self aware attitude to smoking helped...it didn't.