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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that my children had every right to expect my OH/their dad to come to sports day on his day off

60 replies

EnglishRose1320 · 19/06/2014 11:32

Sports day tomorrow and the boys are really excited that daddy doesn't have work this year, turns out however that my OH doesn't see the need to go and is planning to get on with other things. Would you expect your OH to go along? I said the boys want him to and that I didn't expect him to stay for the whole day.
Not looking forward to telling the boys tonight. :(

OP posts:
fakenamefornow · 19/06/2014 15:06

Does he show up for parents evening or is that too boring for him as well?

CheeryName · 19/06/2014 15:06

YANBU. Is there a massive back story of your OH being a selfish git?

Notso · 19/06/2014 15:08

I agree with others nobody enjoys sports day particularly but you go to support your children.
My oldest is 14, parents don't get to go to sports day. I asked DD if she minded and she said she wouldn't want me to go anyway OP remind him in a few years they might not want him around, he will have plenty of time then to get on with other things.

Ourma · 19/06/2014 15:14

My Dad never came to watch me play in the sport I played when I was a child. I used to always wish he would. Then we had a big final and I did really well and won player of the match and I was thinking, I wish Dad had been here. Turns out he had and I was so so happy. Meant so much to me.

Some of the parents on here sound really selfish, it's only a few hours. Just out of curiosity, how many of those of you complaining bring your kids along shopping or to activities you like to do even though its boring for them?

sweetlilacsinspring · 19/06/2014 15:19

Ourma there is a massive difference between going to see your child in an activity they enjoy and do regularly and the annual drag that is sports day. My son is musical and also learns a martial art and I always see him in those.

But they are properly organised, for one, which school sports days aren't. They are also on in the evening or at weekends and shockingly some of us selfish parents work Hmm to do selfish things like feed our children!

As I said above, a healthy sense of perspective does no one any harm. It is nice to go to school sports day if you can. If you can't or really don't want to, you are not a selfish, awful parent and your child will not suffer - unless a pensive and unhappy outlook is to be encouraged!

Mrsjayy · 19/06/2014 15:25

My husband tries to pull this shit for years drives me potty if I have to go and he is off thenhe has to come to whatever it isnt about us ifthe children want parents to go thensuck I upand go.

kslatts · 19/06/2014 15:30

YANBU - I would get him to explain to your dc's the reason he can't go.

Ourma · 19/06/2014 15:33

Oops sweetlilacsinspring didn't mean to offend. The selfish comment was more in the context of those who could go as in didn't have to take time off work etc, and just didn't want too. Would definitely never expect anyone to take time off work to go to Sports day. And I see what you mean about the difference in other activites v sports day. Probably didnt think it through before posting.

sweetlilacsinspring · 19/06/2014 15:39

I'm not offended :) I don't work at the moment, or very very part time at any rate, but I doubt I'll bother going to DS's sports day this year. I just can't think of anything worse than baking in the heat for a day for a brief glimpse of my son in a race, whilst trying to soothe a tetchy overtired three month old.

I may book a holiday that week and get DS out of school altogether!

Original poster
EnglishRose1320 · 19/06/2014 16:56

Thanks for all your replies,

I should point out that OH is not a selfish person, he comes to parents evenings when he can and picks them up from school if he is about etc.

He works abroad so DS1 had got excited that he was home for sports day this year and on a further talk with OH he is happy to make an appearance but not stay for all of it which is fine, situation resolved!

Luckily our sports days are not the usual sit around waiting for races type, the children are in groups that move from one sport station to another and the parents follow their child's group- siblings are all together! So he will watch the first couple of events they do and then head off.

OP posts:
Original poster
EnglishRose1320 · 19/06/2014 21:13

He has however timed it so he misses the family picnic- cunning very cunning, I shall have to make small talk with the competitive parents!

Anyone know if you can still take pictures at sports days? Does it vary from school to school?

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 19/06/2014 21:55

DS's face as I arrived at his sports day when he wasn't expecting me to be there was an absolute picture of delight. So worth getting the afternoon off for. These things are important to kids. Glad your OH is now going.

edwinbear · 19/06/2014 22:24

Our sports day yesterday was brilliant, and organised much like yours with each class moving around different events, with the parents following. DH was the only dad who didn't go, I think he really regretted it when ds won two events and he wasn't there to see it.

Bogeyface · 19/06/2014 22:49

What a knob! Its one afternoon once a year, it wouldnt kill him.

I would be bloody fuming tbh, especially as he is happy for you to do it but not him!

2rebecca · 19/06/2014 22:55

I went to a few of my kids' sports days, their dad went to a few as well. They were boring. Now at secondary school my kids don't even participate in them so we're off the hook. Despite them being sporty it's not the right sort of sportiness!
Neither of us ever felt we had to attend. We see them do lots of sport outwith school so school sports day has never been a big deal.

greeneggsandjam · 19/06/2014 23:28

I would love to be able to attend. He is a twit.

McPhee · 19/06/2014 23:34

Well just as long as he can bare it for half an hour.

Poor wee lamb, it must be an awful strain on his more important activities.

Stupid Arse.

Bogeyface · 19/06/2014 23:42

What I really dont get is that if he works abroad then presumably his time with his kids is limited at the best of times? So the chance to spend an extra afternoon with them, cheering them on and making them feel good and happy should be a gift from heaven shouldnt it?!

Sports days are dullsville, everyone knows that, but you go, you cheer, you congratulate them when their teams wins or agree that the other teams were cheating if they dont......its just what you do!

I suppose I am projecting somewhat as ex DH only sees the kids EOW by his choice and never makes an effort to make it to sports days, parents evenings etc, he doesnt even pick them up from mine, his dad does it! He thinks that because he pays for things thats ok, he doesnt get that time is what makes a good father, not money. Kids would rather have 5 minutes than a fiver, but sadly he cant see it :(

Cluesue · 19/06/2014 23:42

I went to DD1's sports day 4 days after a c section when I could hardly stand,her dad has yet to make it to one,priorities

Bogeyface · 19/06/2014 23:50

My post doesnt make sense! Yes it is dull but you go because the sight of your kids so happy to see you, them in the line for their go checking you are watching them but trying not to make it obvious that they are checking (if the are a bit older!) and then talking about it all the way home is what makes it nice!

MrsKCastle · 19/06/2014 23:54

My DH is in the exact same situation (although not sports day). He booked a day off to get on with a few jobs, then realised it fell on a school event for DD1. He did a bit of good-natured grumbling, but as soon as he realized the dates, he knew he would be attending. It's not really a choice- if the child wants you there, and you can make it, you go.

That's not to say I rush to my child's every wish- DH and I both work and although DD1 is only Y1, we've already missed a few events- sometimes it just hasn't been possible. She understands that. But I'd never miss something that mattered to her because I wasn't bothered about it.

BackforGood · 20/06/2014 00:10

YANBU - none of us actually want to be there, but we understand what an importnant part of parenting it is, that we turn up to support them when we can - be that the sports day or the first violin recital. Blimey, when I think of all the things I've gone along to support my dc at over the years, a sports day sounds quite a appealing.

Original poster
EnglishRose1320 · 20/06/2014 06:50

Hopefully he will stay long enough to see a few different things, to be fair he has to go car shopping at some point because I um well, okay I crashed our car so we are currently relying on a garage car! Blush

He loves spending time with the boys but yes it is very limited time when he is only home for 2 weeks and there are always so many other things to do as well- just not enough time in life! Equally I do have to remind him that they are growing up very quickly and when this time is gone we can't get it back.

I've totally lost the required coloured shorts for their team so I best go and hunt for them!

OP posts:
2rebecca · 20/06/2014 09:32

I completely disagree with the rather bizarre view to me that sports day is in any way an important day. parents evenings yes, sports day definitely not.
It's a school activity put on by the school for the kids to give them something different to being indoors all day.
I have never felt it was important that I attend. They do sporting events for the school and did at primary school and I went to them more often although often then they went off in a minibus. They also do sporting activities outwith school. My kids sporting activities are for them, I don't live a proxy life through my kids.
I wonder if the women getting so excited about the importance of sports day do any other sports with their kids or whether this day is it so it takes on a sacred importance and isn't just another sporting thing.

BackforGood · 20/06/2014 16:53

It's not about the fact it is sports day 2Rebecca it's about the fact it's an opportunity for him to see them doing something at school, when he isn't at work and they would like him to be there. It would be the same if it were a class assembly or a workshop or anything.

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