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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that my children had every right to expect my OH/their dad to come to sports day on his day off

60 replies

EnglishRose1320 · 19/06/2014 11:32

Sports day tomorrow and the boys are really excited that daddy doesn't have work this year, turns out however that my OH doesn't see the need to go and is planning to get on with other things. Would you expect your OH to go along? I said the boys want him to and that I didn't expect him to stay for the whole day.
Not looking forward to telling the boys tonight. :(

OP posts:
TessTackle · 19/06/2014 11:35

Make him tell the boys. How selfish, your poor DS'.

LaurieFairyCake · 19/06/2014 11:35

Surely he can tell them?

I forced myself to go once, maybe he can manage the same if he sees the children really want him to.

It is really dull though, I wouldn't choose to go if the children didn't want me there.

weebarra · 19/06/2014 11:36

If he's got the time off and the boys want him there, he should be there.

Booooooooooooooooooooo · 19/06/2014 11:37

YANBU.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 19/06/2014 11:37

My DH has only been to sports day once and I don't think he would go again even if he did have a day off.

If your boys think he is going though then he should really make the effort, even if he only goes for a short time.

Xcountry · 19/06/2014 11:39

Cant imagine DH not wanting to go.
a) an excuse to get out of other things
b) his shifts are awful and he feels really guilty about missing big thinks in the kids lives

light a rocket under his arse or make his day off hell if he doesn't but I can understand why your DC would be upset he doesn't want to go off his own back

OldBeanbagz · 19/06/2014 11:40

YANBU

I'd ask your DH to explain to them why he's not bothering to go and see their sports day.

HecatePropylaea · 19/06/2014 11:41

I can understand him not wanting to go. It's as dull as ditchwater. I'd fake a broken leg if I thought it would get me out of it Grin

However, sometimes you do things you find a bit boring because it really matters to someone. That includes your kids.

So I think he is being a bit unreasonable if he can't put himself out for even one hour for something that his children would love him to attend.

It's about them wanting their dad to watch them. Can't he understand that?

TweedleDi · 19/06/2014 11:42

Don't do his dirty work for him. Tell him it is down to him to explain why he can't go. It isn't all about him. Miserable git.

sweetlilacsinspring · 19/06/2014 11:44

I agree with Hecate

I think my answer to this would depend on whether or not he is usually a committed and loving dad. If so, I don't if I am truthful think it does any harm for children to know their activities and events are not, actually, all that important. That can sound harsh but neither of my parents ever turned up to a school play or sports day and even as a very young child I knew it was because my parents were working. I didn't feel any less loved because of it.

DS is in year 2. I've been to some things, and not to others. He is the cente of my world but he knows that this doesn't mean his sports day is!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/06/2014 11:51

Why does it have to be you that tells them?

He sounds like a selfish idiot and a rubbish father, they must be used to being let down by now?

starfishmummy · 19/06/2014 11:56

I am opting out from ds's. Its all bloody day (save a break at lunch time). Its a special school for disabled kids and while I know that there is a lot of effort put in by them there is also a lot of standing round doing nothing waiting for your child to do one event.

It wouldn't be so bad if there was somewhere parents could retreat to for a sit down or a cuppa...

And Ds won't care either way

mommy2ash · 19/06/2014 12:02

i can't imagine any parent not wanting to show up for these things. i have never missed anything my dd has been a part of. if its important to her then its important to me.

i have family that promise to show up for everything, i have even bought tickets and then suddenly all the excuses come out and they never show up. i feel so sorry for my dd as i see how much it hurts her. i gave up making excuses for them and we both just know now what they are like. when they say they will come she tells them i know you wont and gets on with it.

i wouldn't be telling them if he is the one who doesn't want to show up. tell him to tell them

DeWee · 19/06/2014 12:07

I agree with Hectate too.
I loathe sports' days. Ours have the dreadful charming idea that we take a pack lunch and eat lunch with out dc. Sounds great. Actually ends up with you sitting on the picnic blanket with some of the other parents wondering how soon you can go without being unreasonable, while the children rush around and don't eat much. They seem to drag lunch out as long as possible too.

The most entertainment is watching the dads getting competitive when they announce the dads' race. Even funnier the year they made it a skipping race with infant size skipping ropes.

If he's got stuff that needs to be done, and has booked time off to do it, I can easily see how he wants to get it done.
And, lets face it, it won't be only an hour really. Because in that hour only one of your ds will run, and so he'll have to stay for the other, then one of them begs him to stay because their favourite race is coming up. And when he eventually leaves the next race will be the one that ds comes first in.
Wouldn't it be worse if he comes for an hour and only sees one?

HappyAgainOneDay · 19/06/2014 12:08

Perhaps the father is nervous of the Fathers' Race?

FreeSpirit89 · 19/06/2014 12:25

I couldn't imagine missing DS's sports day for anything!!!

Your dh sounds like an arse. Make him tell them.

sweetlilacsinspring · 19/06/2014 12:27

I think the "if it's important to them, it's important to me" attitude can - not is, can - be a little risky.

There is nothing wrong with a child growing up knowing that he is loved and adored but with a healthy dose of perspective as well!

I can't imagine any parent not wanting to turn up

I can! Grin

Oldraver · 19/06/2014 13:09

I know its not everyones cup of tea but I think he's being a bit selfish, its only a couple of hours hopefully.

If the children think he's going then HE should be the one telling them

CoffeeTea103 · 19/06/2014 13:13

Yanbu, it's very selfish considering if he set aside even 2 hours it would make your DS so happy. My DH would take the day off work without even thinking, so yes your DH has the time so he needs to do this.

AuntieStella · 19/06/2014 13:28

Well, if he really won't reconsider, then at least it should be him to tell the DSes.

I do think it's a bit shabby that he chose arrange his admin in such a way that he couldn't attend.

ilovepowerhoop · 19/06/2014 14:21

dd wasnt bothered about me going to hers so i went last minute holiday clothes shopping instead (we go away next friday). I wont be going to ds's either as I will be parent helping on a school trip. It was very last minute notice anyway as we were only texted on Monday to say that dd's sports day was on the Wednesday and texted on Tuesday to say ds's was on friday.

Mrsjayy · 19/06/2014 14:47

Yanbu why have you to tell them get him to do it, he should go its his day off

SaucyJack · 19/06/2014 14:53

YANBU. It's two bloody hours out of the whole school year. It really wouldn't kill him to turn up and pretend to look interested in his child's school life.

gamerchick · 19/06/2014 14:56

No if we have to suffer then so should they if they can.

HemlockStarglimmer · 19/06/2014 15:03

I've just asked my husband if he would go if he should be off work on sports day and he couldn't give me a straight answer! Confused So, that'll be a 'no' then Angry

Like gamerchick said, why should I be the only one to suffer.

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