To think this was deliberate? lengthy, bizarre & really quite trivial

[EmmaGrundy]

DS is in the middle of his GCSEs but music lessons at his school have continued throughout the exam period. DS is not the most organised person and is dyslexic, which can contribute to a lack of organisation. During the exam period, music lesson times change because of the exams. Last week, DS arrived at school for his lesson at the wrong time and missed one music lesson, because of confusion on his part about the time of the lesson. The teacher was cross about that and sent what I think was a very unprofessional e mail about exactly why she had not e mailed him to confirm the lesson time - quite a lot of inappropriate personal detail about the pressures she is under.

So this week, the teacher copied me into an e mail to DS about lesson times. The original lesson time was not convenient. I replied and asked about a different time. The teacher gave me some options and I replied saying "X time tomorrow would be good, please let me know if still convenient for you". No reply from teacher, so on the day of the lesson, I sent an e mail saying "just confirming I will be bringing DS in for his lesson today at x time". No reply. I drive DS into town for the lesson. No teacher but apparently she has been seen in the music school today and is understood to be teaching today. Head of music has just seen her and thinks she is teaching.

DS and I drive home. I e mail teacher "Sorry you couldn't take DS for lesson. Please let me know if other lessons to be arranged this term". No reply.

So, AIBU to think that the teacher deliberately absented herself, so that DS had a wasted journey to school? Also AIBU to think this is bizarre behaviour on the part of a professional?

I can't really see any reason why she would have deliberately not turned up to his lesson just to annoy you/him/both, but it does sound as though she is lacking in organisational skills and should make the time up. Is the head of music aware that she didn't make it to the lesson at all?

If she's not responding, I'd be talking to the head of music to ask if he's aware of any problems with her email, as she's not responding, and you're trying to get confirmation about when the lessons are.

If she's deliberately not responding, it seems very unprofessional and petty. That should also be taken up, but I'd be starting off from the premise it's an error rather than deliberate.

I don't see how dyslexia makes your son disorganised. That's not what dyslexia does

I also think he is old enough to be sorting out his own music lessons and don't think it should be up to you to liaise with the teacher!

Dyslexic people can struggle with organisational skills, Poussay.

Tbh the teacher sounds disorganised.

At least wait and make sure she hadn't been taken ill suddenly/ had an emergency of some sort before doing anything else. I think you are probably overreacting and reading too much into it, it just doesn't follow and you already sound too involved.

My son is dyslexic and dyspraxic they often go hand in hand and yes poor organisational skills is a key symptom.
The teacher sounds quite unprofessionalto me, I'd email back and copy in the head of the school next time you make an arrangement.

Jesus poussay - don't make seemingly authoritative statements about something you are clearly entirely ignorant of

Poussay, I think both dyslexia and the fact that it's exam season are relevant here.

Possibly am too involved, Runner (though I did say this is trivial) but am necessarily involved as due to lack of public transport, these arrangements involve me driving to the school.

I've just had an e mail from the teacher - saying I used the wrong e mail address for her and so she did not see the e mails about the lesson time. All very well, but I used the only e mail address which I have for her and which she used to initiate contact (I just used the reply button).

Poussay, you're completely wrong.

That is not what dyslexia does . And how is that you know how OPs dyslexia affects him poussay???

Sorry for offending with my comment about dyslexia but my understanding is that dyslexia is about processing language, reading, spelling... Yes dyslexic people can be disorganised but so can anyone. Not sure why people are jumping on me for that. Dyslexia isn't a reason for a 16 year old young person to be incapable of organising his time. I actually do have sympathy for the fact it's a pressured time with GCSE exams etc and think the sort of mix up he had with his missed music session is understandable but I am at this being attributed to dyslexic disorganisation.

Anyway I see the teacher has now replied saying you are using the "wrong" email. I think she is in the wrong here as if she is using the email address to contact students/parents then she should be checking it regularly!

Well in order to be fully organised you need be able to process time and language etc, which affects memory which has cumulative effects on organisation skills.

Emma, presumably you can get hold of the sent email to double check whether or not you did in fact use the correct address?

Poussay you've missed the point again. It's well documented that dyslexia often goes hand in hand with other problems like poor organisational skills. While it might not be the dyslexia causing it as such, the fact is that they're often seen together and it's not an unusual combination at all.

I don't see how dyslexia makes your son disorganised

Yes, it does affect organizational skills. While it's not a get out of jail free card, OP's son wasn't set up for success either. The teacher should have emailed him about the changed times the first time and kept in communication with OP the second time.

I do find it interesting that your son's lack of organization is understandable due to stress. But the teacher's is suddenly malicious and intentional. Perhaps the teacher has trouble with organizational skills as well.

Maybe back out a little and let your son liaise with her directly? I think having another party involved usually brings more potential for misunderstandings.

Poussay, I have been working with dyslexic children for over 10 years and it really isn't just about reading.

Most dyslexic children struggle with learning day/month order for a start so that will have an effect on organisation. Sometimes it can take until adulthood to learn methods that help with this.

Extraordinary, Poussay, that having been pulled up on your understanding of dyslexia you have contradicted everyone else again without bothering to do some basic research.

OP, I'd think about looking for a new music teacher if I were you. Even without the email address issue, her original email to ds was both unnecessary and unprofessional.

Re e mail address - I replied to the only e mail address which I had for the teacher and the one which she was using to set up lesson times.

Princess - I did wonder whether this was intentional but I don't think "intentional" is synonymous with "malicious". I thought that perhaps the teacher was trying to teach DS a lesson - the inconvenience caused by a lack of organisation and the motivation for that would be well-intentioned, rather than malicious. Perhaps the teacher does have organisational issues but, if that is the case, perhaps it's not unreasonable to expect her to have coping strategies in place? In any event, as you say, organisational difficulties are not a get out of gaol free card - certainly not for DS (who does have these difficulties and is 15) and, by extension, not for a professional (who may or may not have these difficulties)?

Matilda - it's difficult to know when to back out. DS can struggle with rotating music lessons at any time and has had difficulty during the exam period in particular. That's why the teacher contacted me in first instance, after the mix up with times...Any difficulty would be avoided if music lessons stopped over the exam period but they don't. Music loessons are provided by the school as a benefit and so it would be difficult to stop them - not as simple as if we were paying and I could just say "no thanks" for a while.

Poussay
Here is some more information on Dyslexia and how it affects organisation. It really is quite patronising of you to tell the parent of someone with Dyslexia what Dyslexia does, they probably know more about it than you!

"Dyslexia is not only about literacy, although weaknesses in literacy are often the most visible sign. Dyslexia affects the way information is processed, stored and retrieved, with problems of memory, speed of processing, time perception, organisation and sequencing."
www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/about-dyslexia/schools-colleges-and-universities/what-are-specific-learning-difficulties.html

"Dyslexia is mainly perceived to be a problem with literacy skills, i.e. reading, writing and spelling; although it is now widely accepted that dyslexia can affect a number of areas including memory, organisation and concentration.
Dyslexia causes difficulties in learning to read, write and spell. Short-term memory, mathematics, concentration, personal organisation may also be affected."
www.beingdyslexic.co.uk/pages/information/general-information/dyslexia-basics/what-is-dyslexia.php

My dyslexic son is not terrible with reading, but cannot for the life in him remember the order of the months. He's 19. It's not all about reading.

Do you have a phone number for the teacher so you can follow up, check the lesson times and confirm the correct email address? If not I would check that information with the head of music.

My dyslexic son is not terrible with reading, but cannot for the life in him remember the order of the months. He's 19. It's not all about reading.

Months, alphabet - can start at the belonging and rattle through them but no concept of what follows P or what is before J!

Poussay - dyslexia is highly associated with memory issues. So short term memory, processing language into long term memory and memory retrieval - all of which can lead to organisational problems.

I think the teacher is overworked/stressed - unfortunately she is not dealing with this in the best way possible.