To think this was deliberate? lengthy, bizarre & really quite trivial

[EmmaGrundy]

DS is in the middle of his GCSEs but music lessons at his school have continued throughout the exam period. DS is not the most organised person and is dyslexic, which can contribute to a lack of organisation. During the exam period, music lesson times change because of the exams. Last week, DS arrived at school for his lesson at the wrong time and missed one music lesson, because of confusion on his part about the time of the lesson. The teacher was cross about that and sent what I think was a very unprofessional e mail about exactly why she had not e mailed him to confirm the lesson time - quite a lot of inappropriate personal detail about the pressures she is under.

So this week, the teacher copied me into an e mail to DS about lesson times. The original lesson time was not convenient. I replied and asked about a different time. The teacher gave me some options and I replied saying "X time tomorrow would be good, please let me know if still convenient for you". No reply from teacher, so on the day of the lesson, I sent an e mail saying "just confirming I will be bringing DS in for his lesson today at x time". No reply. I drive DS into town for the lesson. No teacher but apparently she has been seen in the music school today and is understood to be teaching today. Head of music has just seen her and thinks she is teaching.

DS and I drive home. I e mail teacher "Sorry you couldn't take DS for lesson. Please let me know if other lessons to be arranged this term". No reply.

So, AIBU to think that the teacher deliberately absented herself, so that DS had a wasted journey to school? Also AIBU to think this is bizarre behaviour on the part of a professional?

whois Just remembering bursting into tears the first time I saw DS pick up a dictionary to try to check the spelling of a word - it flopped open in the middle and he started turning the pages the right way for 'S' words - up until that point he would have started at the beginning and just riffled through until he chanced on the letter that he needed. He'd grasped the alphabet properly - he was 14, and had been having tutoring for six months - a real turning point..!

I think that the issues with dyslexia which can seem to be most well-known (spelling, reading) are associated other issues (processing and retrieval, organisational). There is quite a range of kit which can help with the former set of difficulties (and which Disabled Student Allowance will fund for HE) but it's the other difficulties which seem to be more problematic so far as addressing them is concerned - and that's partly why it's so difficult to know when to back out. In the sink (DS left to his own organisation) or swim (with some help, even if the need for that is surprising at a given age) scenario, I have chosen not to let DS sink, where I know that he cannot learn from the experience and will simply conmtinue to sink...Not an expert, though, and would be interested if anyone has addressed matters differently?

She is probably fed up with kids missing lessons. But that's no excuse. Your DS has enough to worry about with exam stress without this extra strop from a teacher. I think I'd cancel the music lessons till after the exams. Or if you don't want to do that ask for a list of the times and dates of music lessons for the next two months. And then you can pin it up in your kitchen and remind him when he has a lesson.

SueDoku one of my other DC can sing the alphabet but can't tell you, without that, which letter comes next. Fortunately, many of the things which can be so difficult when you're small matter less and less as you grow up - and as the technology becomes more available to you. One difficulty can be identifying whether something comes into the "won't really matter when I'm a grown up" category or whether it is a "I really do need to be able to do this". For instance, when my DD was 6, the school suggested that she should be able to use a lap top, on the basis that her handwriting was so poor (DD is dyslexic and really quite dyspraxic). I thought that we shouldn't give up on the handwriting, because it's a "must be able to do" but was grateful that the school were suggesting some adjustments.

Viviennemary I would cancel the music lessons if I could! I think you're right - probably many boys have missed many lessons and the teacher is fed up and making a point, that's why my reaction to this was that it was intentional. Also, I think rather bizarre, but at the end of the school year, people are generally tired, I think and so perhaps have less tolerance.

Well, I think a lot of NT adults now need to mentally go through the alphabet with all the technology now that's made alphabetical order automatic and something you don't think about. Not to mention google autocorrect will fix almost any spelling no matter how terrible it is without needing a dictionary. Libraries are replaced with e-books and internet now so there's no need to know the dewy decimal system.

There's not really a practical need for memorizing alphabetical order anymore. At least in my generation (20's) I don't know any friend that doesn't do a quick sing song through the alphabet to figure out where to look.

Tell you what, no one ever told my severely dyslexic husband that it doesn't affect organisational skills. I'll put him right, shall I?