To think this is an awesome way to deal with bullies?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Dd2 came home and asked if she could invite round the local bully round to play. Her reasoning being if she is friends with dd2, dd2 can introduce her to everyone and they can all be friends and then there'll be no one left to bully and anyway she might just be spiteful because she is upset that no one is her friend.

She's just left. She was actually very polite. Not at all the bossy little madam I was expecting.

What a lovely dd you have.

She definitely makes trouble with the others. She threw dd1's shoe into a private bowling green last week, but yeah, it could be because no one is nice to her so she is reacting to that.

I think your daughter is a sweet and thoughtful girl.

And I think she has a lot to learn about what a bully is.

I think keeping your enemies close is a good thing but I also think you need to be careful on your DDs behalf. Brokenhearted I assume the "bully" has done more than the shoe throwing.

Wow your DD has incredible social skills! :) Hope it works out.

How old are they?

Bullying behaviour often only happens in group situations.

Some children who bully are clever enough to charm adults

Or it may be that this child lacks social skills and is trying to gain acceptance in the group by making someone else the butt of ridicule.

I don't agree with that definition of bullying, it doesn't seem to include the subtly soul-destroying stuff like just being called various names on a daily basis. A lot of bullies are made because they lack self esteem, so your dd's plan could well stop a slightly mean girl from becoming a full bully.

Dd2 is 7. This girl is 8. Dd1 is 10. There's a big group of them all play together aged between 7 and 10. This girl is never usually involved.

Sounds like DD2 has the makings of a very emotionally intelligent person.

I agree Nora

My DS has been bullied. i think that the "bully"is struggling in some way emotionally. His behaviour, his deliberately nasty behaviour, has had a terrible effect on my son. It is bullying behaviour.

She is showing slot of emotional maturity for her age. I agree she sounds lovely. Hope she gets the outcome she's hoping for

She's a socially awkward girl who may or may not be a bully. They all exclude her, and she's a bully? Hm.

But more importantly: is it really kind to name someone a bully, invite them over as a sort of "project," and then pat yourself on the back for being nice to them?

How would your daughter like it if someone said, "Oh, daughter is poor/bad at sports/not popular [NOT THAT SHE IS! JUST EXAMPLES!] but I'll invite her over anyway. Look how tolerant I am."

You know best how to talk to your daughter but maybe it's time for a gentle lesson that hospitality and friendship should be offered unequivocally, not just "I'll invite you over even though."

How did this turn into a critique of OP's DD?

I'm afraid I'm reminded of a friend with whom I fell out over her church mission called "Loving the Unloveable," in which they would seek out whomever they considered to be "unloveable" and give them charity. [Admittedly, some of the charity was useful practical support.]

They targeted HIV-positive people, people on benefits, people with mental health issues.

"Loving the unloveable?" Ugh.

I hope it is the start of a nice friendship.

I have no interest in "critiquing" an 8 year old.

I think kids have kind and generous instincts and it's up to us to give guidance around what is genuinely kind and what seems kind but is actually patronising.

I think that's a great idea. DH met his life long best friend because DH kept shoving him into the lockers at school. DH and friend's moms got together, made them have a sleep over to be friends, and year later that same friend was one of the groomsmen in our wedding and is one of DD's honorary uncles since DH has no brothers or sisters.

Not all cases work out like that. But, I think kids acting out and being rough/mean can easily be curbed with a bit of tolerance and understanding.

I don't think this is bullying either. Bullying is more verbal abuse and picking a specific target that you want utterly destroyed. This girl seems like she's just being a bit of a brat, and yes could definitely use some more friends.

Oops 10 years old. Yeah, old enough to have her mum talk to her about friendship and kindness. My own mum talked to me about things like that at that age.

Dd2 is 7 Matilda. She didn't use the term bully. I changed that. She termed her "X, my nemesis" They've had a few spats in the past. Dd2 does not like fighting and arguing but won't stand back and watch her friends or sister being picked on.

I don't think she feels sorry for this girl. I don't think she has thought it through any further than if she's my friend, she'll be everyone's friend and everyone will be happy. It is very important to dd2 that everyone is kind and happy. It always has been.

Ah. See that's not a bully at all.

My "nemesis" in elementary school became my best friend in high school!

Your DD sounds fab, OP. Definitely a strategy to cultivate.

Matilda, why not go and piss on a bonfire somewhere?

I was just getting in bed.