to want to come to the beavers/cubs bbq not my inlaws

[chocoholic05]

In a couple of weeks down my dc beavers and cubs are having a family walk followed by a free family bbq. My boys have only joined this year so havent been to this annual event before. They were really looking forward to it. Their friends are going. I was looking forward to it too. All the parent were saying how good it was last year. The letters were given out last week and need to be returned by friday so they know numbers.
On sunday we went out with ny pil then back to their house for tea. Mil mentioned dh sister and bil are coming down in a couple of weeks tine did dh mention it (he hadnt) and i assume youll all be coming. Yes thats fine i said. It was only when i got home I realized its the same date as the bbq and walk.
When I mentioned it to dh his reaction was thats a shame we will have to miss the bbq! But actually I dont really want to! We see pil atleast every week. Go round a minimun of once a fortnight often more. Aibu?

yanbu, contact MIL and say you can't make it.

Do you see his sister often?

Is the BBQ all day? Could you not meet them earlier or later? Or on another day?

So no, you are not being unreasonable but what have you done to sort it out?!

Can you meet the il in the morning and then spend the rest of the day at the BBQ. Will be a shame for the kids to miss out on it especially since they were so looking forward to it.

The barbecue was in your diary first. Just say that.

'Coming down'. How far away do the sister and brother-in-law live? Don't you see them often? Can't they go to the barbecue as well?

He doesn't see his sister often. They live about 100 miles away and often work weekends. We agreed about the BBQ aafter discussing it last night as something we had planned to go to until the weekend. Then dh said you'll need to ring my mum up and tell her. When I said can't you? He said I'm not.telling her you have a better way of putting things than me!!

The walk is from 2pm the BBQ is from 430

Sil has cancelled or not been able to make the last few family get together attempts mil has wanted to do. Sil texted saying they could do this date and so that date has been arranged. To fit in around sil really

The cubs events like this are always highlights for the kids. If your child is looking forward to it, I would just tell them you are so sorry, but you have realized it is the cubs family barbeque.

Just me who'd take a civilised boozy family Sunday over a bunch of other people's hyped up kids racing round manically any day then?!

If it's OK for SIL to cancel, why is it not OK for you to cancel? Will she be here just for 1 day, could you go over in the evening?

She is coming over for just a day. And who said pil family were civilized LOL!

Well you could see them in the morning, or skip the walk and do the BBQ, or meet them later - BBQ two hours max so 6.30 plenty of time to go round.

The letter said BBQ 430-730 but never intended to stay that long. Sil coming in the morning but mil wants us for Sunday tea because cooking for us four aswell would be too much (mil words)

Well, your family was already committed that weekend to the Scouting event, and so you cannot fit in with SIL's availability. Just like she couldn't fit in with yours on other occasions.

Not all families can sit around waiting for the phone to ring to say "oh, it suits us now to meet up with you"

And as your DH forgot to mention it to you so that you could check the diary, it really ought to be up to him to ring his DPs to let them know you cannot make it.

"MIL, I've just realised that we have a prior commitment on Sunday at teatime, so I'll bring round some nice cakes on Sunday morning for us all to have together as elevenses instead, if that's okay with you."

Are they only down for that one day?
Either way I would tell your MIL that you have already made a commitment to be at an event for the beavers, and you all have to attend. I have done similar when invited to things at MIL but we have a Brownies event on, I tend to just say when you sign up to Brownies you sign up to be at everything - charity fundraising, orienteering, church services for the Brownies, long walks, and parties. I say the same to DD, you can't just pick and choose (when she wanted to go play out in the sun instead of a Brownie event - she was glad she attended as she had so much fun at what sounded boring to her!)

If they can only do the day of the picnic I would opt for seeing if you could meet for lunch at 12pm, then go straight to the event.
Or contact SIL separately and organise to see her on a different day.

My dh won't tell her because he knows aswell as I do she will NOT be happy!

Call MIL, say you are sorry, but realised you need to go to this walk thing, but could you meet SIL in the morning for a couple of hours, you won't stay for lunch so MIL doesn't need to cook for everyone, you'll bring over some cake or something treaty and have coffee and cake mid morning then leave before lunch.

Sorted.

Yes they are only down for one day

Or offer the day before or the weekend after etc. Make it clear it's just you have one thing you can't shift, SIL can't just offer one afternoon and htat be that.

If MIL sounds stroppy, pretend you can't hear it.

His family. He goes. You go to beavers thing. Coz you're volunteering to help at it and they are relying on you.

Aren't they? :)

Ohh, Minnie's idea works well!

BTW - Is there an element of MIL wanting your DH and SIL to be closer than they are? I know my MIL was so happy when she realised that DH and BIL regularly met for lunch when they both started working in the city, she'd always hoped her boys would be friends. It could be that MIL is upset that SIL isn't closer to DH and doesn't come to visit/you don't go there a lot, so is trying to engineer everyone being together whenever she can.

Ring MIL - oh we can't come Sunday afternoon as it the BBQ and the DC have so been looking forward to it. Can pop by for the morning still - let us know.

DH - you can go if you want but the DC are excited about this BBQ and lets face it SIL has form for not fitting in with others plans.

I do know what you mean though. MIL has managed to carve two times in the year that are theirs without me noticing - which is fine but last year one clashed with a trip down to area we will be moving to. DH and IL insisted we had to go to his parents still at same time couldn’t vary it by a few days - which ended up meaning I had to do trip by myself earlier with 3 DC which meant I got frazzled and stresses and got a lot less done than was desirable.

DC enjoyed both trips – but the lack of flexibility really made me resentful and if there is a next time – I’ll just have to be firm and insist.