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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed that my sons uncle didn't get him a present?

26 replies

RoseberryTopping · 18/06/2014 10:21

It was my sons birthday on Monday, we had a party for him on Saturday which BIL and his son came along to. They didn't bring a present - fair enough we thought as we'll probably see them on his actual birthday. We've still not heard anything from them apart from a Facebook comment from SIL.

Is it grabby to be a bit pissed off by this? I suppose there's nothing to say they have to get him a present or card. He is known to be a bit thoughtless about other people. I don't want to ask them about it in case they have purposefully decided not to get him anything cos you can't really argue with that, it's their choice etc.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 18/06/2014 10:24

Perhaps he couldn't afford it?

Original poster
RoseberryTopping · 18/06/2014 10:29

He went out drinking on the Saturday night so he can't be that poor. They've also had 364 days to prepare themselves for spending at least a couple of quid on some sweets or something, or the very least 50p on a card to acknowledge it.

OP posts:
Chocotrekkie · 18/06/2014 10:31

I would leave it tbh - but make sure neither of them ever get a card or present from you again.

starfishmummy · 18/06/2014 10:35

I would be miffed too.
And yes I do know its their choice, but inserts mean not to get a few sweets or something small for a child.
Have they given him stuff before? Do you give their kid(s) present(s)?

choirmumoftwo · 18/06/2014 10:35

My DSIS gave DD a £10 gift card one week late, despite being at her actual birthday tea. She's her only niece as well. Wouldn't be so bad but she asked for (and got) a relatively expensive gift for her own birthday!! You shouldn't expect gifts but it shouldn't be a one-way street either. YANBU.

starfishmummy · 18/06/2014 10:35

It seems mean.

MrsWinnibago · 18/06/2014 10:37

Unless you can see his bank statements you have NO idea about his financial state. He may have been paid for by friends at the weekend. You sound grabby and petty as well as entitled.

choirmumoftwo · 18/06/2014 10:42

I disagree MrsW. He didn't even get a card and there is really no excuse for that. OP, you don't sound remotely grabby or petty but perhaps his going out on Saturday night is irrelevant to your point.

cozietoesie · 18/06/2014 10:43

How old is your son? I've stopped giving automatic presents to 18+ youngsters in the family although they'll always get a birthday card. (Younger kids are always given a present plus a card.)

buggerboooo · 18/06/2014 10:44

Yes he might have had 364 days to save to get him a present, but his uncle obviously doesn't feel the need.

Just because hes precious to you, doesn't mean he is to everyone else

buggerboooo · 18/06/2014 10:45

Yes he might have had 364 days to save to get him a present, but his uncle obviously doesn't feel the need.

Just because hes precious to you, doesn't mean he is to everyone else

redskyatnight · 18/06/2014 10:45

Isn't it a bit early (2 days after the child's birthday) to assume he hasn't bought anything? Perhaps they had something on order and it hasn't arrived yet - maybe you'll get it next time you see them.

((surely Ican't be the only family where my DC's presents/cards filter in from about a week beforehand to 2 weeks afterwards?).

hollyisalovelyname · 18/06/2014 10:48

It's a bit mean the two of them ( nephew and bil ) coming empty handed to the party.
I despise mean people.
No excuse.
You are not grabby.
Did you get their dc something for their birthday.

Original poster
RoseberryTopping · 18/06/2014 10:50

He's only 4 and would be over the moon with a packet of chocolate buttons!
Can I ask why I seem petty, grabby and entitled? I've said that I understand they don't have to get anything if they really don't want to, and I'm not having a strop over it. It just seems mean to ignore it completely.

I do think his night out is a bit relevant to him not being able to afford a card at least.

I will leave it and won't let it stop me buying their son or them anything in future.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoseberryTopping · 18/06/2014 10:54

You might be right redsky. There are a couple of other family members who don't live locally that are waiting till they see him to give him something, but they've made us aware of that and rang him or sent a card on the day.

If I've ever been late with a present I always make the person aware that I've not forgotten.

OP posts:
MyLatest · 18/06/2014 10:57

You re not petty or entitled OP. I would be annoyed by this too. It happened with DS - his uncle didn't bother getting him a card never mind a present. I was furious because my husband has spent literally thousands over the years on his brother's children (he has 4 all of them now teens). I was itching to say something but DH wouldn't let me. It still annoys me now although we have kept giving the 4 DNs gifts. Not their fault their father is an ass.

MyLatest · 18/06/2014 10:58

And all we wanted was a card and soft toy or something. We weren't expecting something big. We just wanted the occasion marked.

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/06/2014 10:58

Yanbu

slithytove · 18/06/2014 11:03

My sons uncle didn't get him a card, and promised a course of swimming lessons (half and half with sons GM) as a present. They haven't materlalised.

Pisses me off because it's thoughtless.

slithytove · 18/06/2014 11:05

Yanbu btw!

DenzelWashington · 18/06/2014 11:10

Just because hes precious to you, doesn't mean he is to everyone else
This is just gratuitously rude.

'Petty', 'grabby' and 'entitled' are words often thrown out on these threads. I think that's unreal. Families generally give children cards and presents on birthdays. It's a pretty established practice in our culture and children look forward to it.

Yes, uncle was thoughtless and a bit mean. As you say, your son's four, a packet of chocolate buttons would have given him pleasure.

AGnu · 18/06/2014 11:13

My BIL doesn't remember our DCs birthdays unless reminded & even then we're lucky if we get a card a week late. Certainly no money issues there but definitely some MH problems, probably caused by undiagnosed ASD. We've accepted that it's just how he is but I do worry about how we'll handle it as our DC grow up & start noticing it. There's going to be a stage where they notice but we won't be able to explain it properly without the risk of them saying something to upset him! Hopefully PILs will have convinced him to go to the GP & he'll have a diagnosis. It'll be easier to explain as 'like Mammy & DCousin' rather than 'like Mammy & DCousin but he doesn't know so shh!' The situation is difficult enough for us to deal with let alone children! If it was up to me I'd just tell him our concerns but we're not even supposed to know about a lot of his troubles - PILs only told us because I've had depression & they didn't know who else to talk to! Family politics are great...! Hmm

Original poster
RoseberryTopping · 18/06/2014 11:25

Thanks for the replies. I think I have to get used to his thoughtlessness for other people and let it go over my head.

You're right AGnu, family politics are hard! especially when you have to get used to your DPs family dynamic when it's totally different to your own. How old are your DCs? I think if there is a genuine MH problem then you would have to make allowances for this, might be worth having a chat with them before the issue arises if they're old enough to understand.

OP posts:
eurochick · 18/06/2014 11:27

From the title I thought "grabby" but then I see that they came to see him on his birthday and I think it is very poor form to turn up empty handed. A bottle of bubbles or something costs very little and a 4 year old would probably be happy with it.

GatoradeMeBitch · 18/06/2014 11:53

YANBU. Four year olds like to open presents, it's part of the fun of their birthday. It's not unreasonable to expect that a family member who drops round on their birthday will have a gift.

Is he one of those thoughtless men who see it as the woman's responsibility to sort out presents and cards?

Oh, I didn't see that it wasn't actually his birthday yet! He'll probably drop something round on the day.

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