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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Probably need telling I am BU, but this is doing my head in!

51 replies

knotpoodle · 16/06/2014 19:54

am bridesmaid for a friend in a few months time.

Big, no expense spared wedding which is happening about 2 hours drive from me (I don't drive), prob 3ish hours by public transport.

Bride has picked our dresses. I have already been over once to be 'measured' (and told I have to have a dress which is massively too big but will be taken in Hmm)

Anyway, now apparently we have to try on. I have never seen dress other than in a photo. Trying on can only happen on a weekend.

We then have to go back for a fitting, which can only be on a weekday.

I don't see why I need to try it on, however have suggested 2 dates when my bf can give me a lift over. Neither is convenient to everyone else. However those are the only dates I can get a lift, otherwise I'm doing a 6 hour round trip to try on a dress for 10 mins.

Am already pissed off have got to waste an entire days annual leave as well for the fitting.

AIBU to say I'll go for the trying-on on either date I've suggested, and if thats not convenient skip it entirely??

OP posts:
DoJo · 16/06/2014 19:57

I can see why they want to get the fit perfect, but it does sound like a right old ball-ache for you. Have you explained to the bride and asked if there could maybe be a bit of leeway for you? Maybe you could try on your dress without everybody else being there - it's nice to make a day of it, but nicer for her to accommodate you, especially when you are making so much effort.

littlewoollypervert · 16/06/2014 19:58

Can she post it to you instead? (Offer to find a dressmaker close to you for any further alterations needed)

HilariousInHindsight · 16/06/2014 19:58

Can't you have a few days where you can try it on?

For example you and someone else try it on say the 24th of July and the others on the 28th? Does it need to be one specific day?

I agree you do need to try it on though. What if it doesn't fit you? It's not one size fits all unfortunately. It could be tight on the bust, but lose around your arms or vice versa.

Suggest going on one of those dates with someone else/with the bride and see what happens.

Otherwise, I'd just duck out of bridesmaid duty if someone expects you to make that kind of round trip.

Another option is for her to arrange a friend/family member to pick you up if you don't drive?

OutragedFromLeeds · 16/06/2014 19:58

I don't understand why you need to try it on before the fitting. Is it so they can get idea of how much needs to be done at the fitting?

Could the trying on and the fitting be on consecutive days? Try on Sunday fitting on Monday and stay overnight with your friend?

Purplewithred · 16/06/2014 19:58

can't she post it to you and you get it fitted by someone local?

steff13 · 16/06/2014 19:59

I've been a bridesmaid before, and when I went for my fittings it was whenever it was convenient for me. I don't think you all have to be there, unless the bride is demanding it for some reason.

Can you just go pick the dress up and take it to a seamstress more local to you to have it fitted?

Pagwatch · 16/06/2014 20:01

Yes. Just get her to send it to you - or even go and collect it - and get it altered locally.

Original poster
knotpoodle · 16/06/2014 20:01

The trying on is literally just that, no fitting or anything. I was expecting to have to go once and have it fitted (as it will look like a sack on me otherwise, it is 8' too big in one area) but not to have to go twice, nor that the fitting could ONLY be on a weekday!

She has it in her head I think that we all go together - but since it can only be on a Saturday, and I have v few free Saturdays anyway (and basically only 2 in the next 8 weeks when I can get a lift) it really limits everything.

OP posts:
cardibach · 16/06/2014 20:01

All the fittings etc go with the territory. You don't really sound like you want to be a bridesmaid, so perhaps say you can't manage it and you'll drop out.

WooWooOwl · 16/06/2014 20:01

If you didn't want to put yourself out to be a bridesmaid, you shouldn't have said yes when you were asked.

I was a bridesmaid recently for a friend that lives three hours drive away, and yes it was a pain in the arse going for fittings and the like, but I had enough common sense to know what I was signing up for when I said yes to being bridesmaid.

Why can't you do the round trip to see your friend as well as try on the dress? I don't really understand why you can't try on and have a fitting in one day though, so you aren't being unreasonable about that, but you really don't sound like you want to be a bridesmaid at all.

Original poster
knotpoodle · 16/06/2014 20:03

She's already paid the shop in advance for it to be altered so I'm not sure she'd agree. The dresses are about £300 each Shock, I'd be worried about her posting it to me!

OP posts:
tryingtocatchthewind · 16/06/2014 20:05

There's no need for everyone to be there at the same time just go when convenient to you

tripecity · 16/06/2014 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
knotpoodle · 16/06/2014 20:06

I'm happy to be a bridesmaid, but initially it was going to be a simple dress from a high street store, no fittings or anything.

Then it was the current dress, and I was told I had to go and be measured and then go back for a fitting (which was fine).

At that time it wasn't said the fitting could ONLY be done on a weekday, nor that I'd have to go up beforehand to try it on.

I I appreciate it needs to be fitted etc, but having to use a days holiday/lose a day's pay is really inconvenient.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom · 16/06/2014 20:09

Well maybe OP didn't expect all this farting about when she agreed to be a bridesmaid.

tripecity · 16/06/2014 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargotLovedTom · 16/06/2014 20:09

X post!

Original poster
knotpoodle · 16/06/2014 20:14

Latest communication from the bride was an email this afternoon (to all bridesmaids) saying that she needs all (5) of us to be there on the same day, with her, so she can see us try on our dresses. As she has to see how we look as a group.

OP posts:
meganorks · 16/06/2014 20:14

What exactly did you think being a bridesmaid would entail?! Trying on dresses and fittings are par for the course. If you are not a good enough friend to do that then you should have said no. Presumably you knew she was 2 hours away and you couldn't drive when you said you would be a bridesmaid? Wouldn't you like to have a dress that fits you?

That said, can't you just go the 2 days that suit you if you must?

Try thinking about it from the other perspective too maybe - everyone else can do another date but you want them to fit round you. And why would you make your dp do a 4 hour round trip (twice!) just so you can try on a dress and save yourself a couple of hours! He didn't agree to be a bridesmaid!

NoodleOodle · 16/06/2014 20:19

Maybe try to plan something else to do while you're there so you're not just going by public transport for three hours for a ten minute event? Go up early and spend the whole day with your bride friend excitedly going over her wedding plans with her?

Original poster
knotpoodle · 16/06/2014 20:22

I expected to have to go for a fitting.But only one.

I didn't expect that fittings would ONLY happen on weekdays.

I also didn't expect to have to go an additional time just to try on a dress which is massively too big.

My bf has offered to drive me to try it on (even though neither of us can see why this is necessary, other than that it's what the bride wants). He's driving me because he doesn't want me to waste 6 hours on public transport.

However he can't drive me to the fitting as he will be at work, and it's bad enough I lose a day's holiday/salary without him doing the same.

OP posts:
Monopolice · 16/06/2014 20:26

She wants to see you all as a group in unfitted dresses - Why? Is she going to sack some of you? Ask you to get the same haircut?

If she's bought all the dresses it's a bit late now!

The last time I was a bridesmaid, the bride said "shop x in your town has ordered in the dress you are wearing, please arrange with them when you can get it fitted and they will alter it. You'll have to collect it and bring it on the day - is that ok?"

Original poster
knotpoodle · 16/06/2014 20:44

That would be far simpler!

However am not holding out much hope of her changing her mind and saying something like that...

OP posts:
Lucked · 16/06/2014 20:50

I am pretty sure my bridal shop only did fittings on weekdays, the shop was too busy on weekends with potential new customers, also the alteration ladies had a more 9-5 job.

You could pull a sickie on the trying on day and offer profuse apologies and then just go to a fitting.

Lucked · 16/06/2014 20:52

Perhaps take a half day for the fitting, book the last one of the day.

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