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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Probably need telling I am BU, but this is doing my head in!

51 replies

knotpoodle · 16/06/2014 19:54

am bridesmaid for a friend in a few months time.

Big, no expense spared wedding which is happening about 2 hours drive from me (I don't drive), prob 3ish hours by public transport.

Bride has picked our dresses. I have already been over once to be 'measured' (and told I have to have a dress which is massively too big but will be taken in Hmm)

Anyway, now apparently we have to try on. I have never seen dress other than in a photo. Trying on can only happen on a weekend.

We then have to go back for a fitting, which can only be on a weekday.

I don't see why I need to try it on, however have suggested 2 dates when my bf can give me a lift over. Neither is convenient to everyone else. However those are the only dates I can get a lift, otherwise I'm doing a 6 hour round trip to try on a dress for 10 mins.

Am already pissed off have got to waste an entire days annual leave as well for the fitting.

AIBU to say I'll go for the trying-on on either date I've suggested, and if thats not convenient skip it entirely??

OP posts:
TenMinutesLate · 16/06/2014 20:57

When I got married I also thought it would be lovely to do the fittings on the same day, have a lunch and make a day of it....mahahahahahaha...silly fool! I had 4 BM all living in different places, with children and/or jobs. 2 got to the shop, on separate days and the other 2 got it sent to them.

What do the other BM plan to do?

PrincessBabyCat · 16/06/2014 21:03

Why do you all need to be there at the same time? That's a bit strange.

My bridesmaids all fitted their dresses when it was convenient for them and then let me know it was set. I didn't even go to make sure they looked ok, I just took their word for it.

I expect my bridesmaids to be there for my wedding helping out. Not jumping through ridiculous hoops.

Original poster
knotpoodle · 16/06/2014 21:34

Shop shuts at 4, I wouldn't be able to get there if I had a half day as couldn't leave work til 1, and 3 hours would be cutting it fine. So day off it will have to be.

The other bm's all live closer to the shop than me (although still an hour away), one doesn't work, none but me have children.

I don't know why we all need to be there at the same time other than that its what the bride wants. I don't see the point really.

OP posts:
Famzilla · 16/06/2014 21:44

I'm a BM in a couple of months. The bride bought my dress, drove it round to my house to try on. Then it didn't fit so she took it back and bought another size, brought it round again and took the measurements required to get it fitted perfectly! I offered to take it in myself but was met with a "I'm already dictating what clothes you have to wear, I'm not gonna force you to make them too!".

I'm sorry but as far as I'm concerned, if the bride cares more about perfectly matching dresses than she does her own friends being put out then she is being a bit bridezilla-y. A 6 hour round trip and taking time off work is ridiculous. If I were in your shoes I would politely withdraw from being a BM.

MargotLovedTom · 16/06/2014 22:02

meganorks read the OP's post at 20.06 perhaps?

Needasilverlining · 16/06/2014 22:08

I really don't get why you need to try on a dress which you already know won't fit without alterations.

The fitting is prob fair enough, and as you say you were prepared for it.

wafflyversatile · 16/06/2014 22:22

Email back saying you can't make the trying it on, only the fitting. Hopefully she'll sack you and make do with a paltry 4 bridesmaids.

Original poster
knotpoodle · 17/06/2014 09:57

Further exchange of emails, she seems to be saying it's the shop who are insisting we come in to try the dresses on and then come back again to be fitted.

However, I've asked her why we need to go twice and she's not replied. Don't know if that’s because she doesn't know the answer, or just didn't ask.

Am thinking of ringing the shop myself - would that be wrong?

OP posts:
MehsMum · 17/06/2014 10:12

I don't see the point of trying on.

My DD was a bridesmaid for a wedding abroad. I was sent a list of measurements that the dressmaker needed, and my DD was offered a choice of waistband (big kiddie bow or elegant grown-up sash). I measured DD, vv carefully, sent it all off.

We tipped up for the wedding and the dress fitted like a glove.

Similarly, my mother made bridesmaids' dresses for her niece's wedding on the basis of measurements (except for mine). Two of the dresses fitted and one was tight because the bridesmaid in question had lied about her waist size not understood about how tight you should have the measuring tape. But even that was solved with a needle, thread, safety pins and swearing.

So, really, ONE fitting should be ample. Say you can go the once, really sorry etc etc.

Original poster
knotpoodle · 17/06/2014 19:00

Other bridesmaids are saying theirs will probably fit, so they son't think they will need to go back again and be fitted once they've tried it on.

However because mine is 8 inches too big - even though I was measured previously, because they're not actually making the dress, they're just altering a factory size which bears no resemblance to my shape/proportions, am going to have to have it fitted.

and apparently that means going once to try it on (complete waste of time) and once to be fitted.

Latest is one of the other BMs is on hols in August, so there's only one Saturday between now and then she and the bride can make. That day isnt convenient for me as I can't get a lift, but I get the impression from the bride i just have to suck it up.

OP posts:
wendycraigsmini · 17/06/2014 23:10

My god if she's wasting spending that much money she should provide your travel expenses. What an overblown affair.

TenMinutesLate · 18/06/2014 02:02

I would phone the shop......explain that you don't want the Bride to deal with any more stress than what she needs but explain you can only do 1 visit to the shop so what do they suggest. And then remain silent. Throw the ball in their court and get them to come up with a solution....

FunkyBoldRibena · 18/06/2014 06:46

A - Do not take a sickie and risk losing your job!
B - call the shop yourself and make arrangements at your leisure, if she whines then tell her it's the only option if she actually wants you as a bridesmaid.

Silvercatowner · 18/06/2014 06:51

Just tell her what you can do and what you can't. What is the worst that can happen. You get sacked? Yay!!!

Original poster
knotpoodle · 18/06/2014 21:20

There has been contact with the shop.

they are basically saying under SOGA or similar they only get a limited period to return the dresses if there's a fault, so that's why we have to try them on, and asap.

We then have to come back next month for (at least one) fitting, between 10-4, on the weekdays they are open (not all 5).

Bride has been a bit stroppy, and accused me of being difficult by not agreeing to come the same day as the others, without acknowledging I live a lot further away, and don't have a car.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 18/06/2014 21:25

I'd pull out, tbh!

Original poster
knotpoodle · 18/06/2014 21:32

I am sorely tempted.

This is all becoming a lot of hassle.

OP posts:
tryingtocatchthewind · 19/06/2014 11:42

Just ask the bride how she is expecting you to get there and what you are to do about work?

She can't be that much of a bridezilla that she thinks taking annual leave and a 6 hour public transport trip is reasonable.

Ask her to pick you up.

Original poster
knotpoodle · 19/06/2014 20:55

She doesn't see the issue with taking a day off.

Everyone else lives close enough to manage either taking no time off, or working their lunch and leaving an hour early to get there before it shuts etc.

So actually it's only me losing a day of my precious bloody holiday.

OP posts:
tryingtocatchthewind · 20/06/2014 08:18

I have no other suggestions, she's being a right old bridezilla thinking about no-one but herself. Yes a lovely afternoon with all the girls having a giggle and trying on dresses is lovely but it's a big ask if it's not at a weekend.

UriGeller · 20/06/2014 08:23

Sorry, YABU. in fairness to everyone else I think you should have thought about how difficult it would be for you to commit to being a bridesmaid before you accepted the offer.

gamerchick · 20/06/2014 08:29

Tell her you'll go when it's convenient to you but it won't be on the same day as them, if she gets stroppy then ask her if she would like you to resign so she can find somebody who can fit in with the plans.

Bluegrass · 20/06/2014 08:33

She's slipping into Bridezilla mode - weddings do weird things to some people, they lose all sense of perspective.

Subtext · 20/06/2014 09:31

I would feel terrible if a good friend of mine had to use holiday and lose earnings just to try on a frigging dress for my wedding.

Your mate sounds like a bridezilla and is BVU.

I don't think, when you agree to be someone's bridesmaid, that you sign up to be at the bride's beck and call and huge cost in time and expense to yourself.

Edenprime · 20/06/2014 12:46

I had my brides maids dresses all custom made so there were a lot of fittings. Two of them lived 2/3 hours away from me and people have other commitments so they all went to their fittings on different days. I never expected them to all be together on the same day and I always asked what day/time was best for them.. so I don't think you are being unreasonable.