To cancel Fathers Day plans because Dh got so pissed last night?

[Itchyandscratchy]

Dh went out with his mates last night at the working men's club: quiz, barbeque then England match. One of his mates was stopping over with us and it's been arranged for ages. Dd's & I were having a girly night.

Plan was to walk up to pub a few miles away for Sunday lunch (pub that has special family connections: my parents' wedding reception, our christening dos, my Mum's & more recently my Dad's wake). Thought it would be nice for dh & reminder of my dad too, who died 3 years ago this week.

Dh came to bed at around 5 this morning then woke me up at 5.30 pissing - yes, frickin PISSING- into my wardrobe onto my shoes, a load of my scarves & into his own shoe drawer. He was absolutely insensible.

I am beyond livid. He's lying here completely stinking. He woke up earlier to apologise & to clean the wardrobe out and asked if I would consider not being quite so judgmental as he hasn't got this pissed for many years. I told him to dream on. He obviously won't be able to drive today so I'll have to take his friend to the train station (god knows what state he's in too).

I really am not in the mood for a cosy Sunday lunch with him. The kids gave him his card & present and he managed to stay awake long enough to thank them. They didn't know we'd planned on Sunday lunch so they'd be no worse off.

I'm frickin FUMING.

Just never met a gone who did this. Good. Cuz it would have been an instant dump no matter how fit, good in bed, etc.

I had loads of drunken one night ears, too.

I woke needing a pee after a heavy night at a friend's. I was staying over but she had rearranged the bedroom since I'd last stayed & I became disorientated in the dark. I groped my way around the room, even out into the hall but couldn't find the ensuite toilet anywhere so I went back to bed bladder like a bucket & pelvic floor of steel , back to sleep & found the toilet in the morning! She thought it was hilarious

I was friendly with a married couple when I was younger, both nice people with responsible jobs and two teenagers, but heavy drinkers at the weekend. She once got so drunk that she pooed in the bed. Based on this thread, the DH should apparently have left her. Instead he cleaned up the bed, moved to the spare room,brought her a cup of tea in the morning and suggested they had a few drink free weekends. Is it only when men mess up that they deserve to get thrown out?

No one on this thread has said that what he did was a good thing, but I'm struggling to understand myself why pissing is worse than puking. It's not like he did it deliberately. I'd assume that his capacity for alcohol is not as much as his pals - probably because he doesn't drink that often - and that's how he got so wasted.

I know how disgusting it feels at the time. I felt practically violated by the fact that my then BF had peed on my clothes, and worse that he didn't seem to remember, and if memory serves me correctly, wasn't particularly contrite - that bit was a bit of a red flag, but hey ho I was young. As it turns out he hasn't aged into the town alcoholic, but is holding down a responsible council job and is father to two DCs quite bad teeth though.

rookiemater I think there's a difference between someone young and inexperienced fucking up with booze and an older responsible person doing so.

"Sometimes I wonder why people get married if their relationship is so precarious that they would end it because their partner did something stupid/ made a mistake/ went and got very pissed once in 14 years"

I didn't read that those women have precarious marriages. Just that they have normal expectations of their partners. The good thing about the 21st century is that if you don't want to live with someone who is so irresponsible that he's still doing what most people have given up by the time they're 25, you don't have to. Hurrah for precariousness.

I have zero tolerance of that sort of thing. My ex was a huge drinker and I vowed that I would never ever tolerate it again. DH would be out of the door if he pissed anywhere but the toilet and boy does he know it. He once got a bit drunk on a camping holiday. I left him where he went to sleep outside and went to bed. Once hed recovered I told him that would be the last time he did that if he wanted to stay with me. I now some people will think I am unreasonable but I just cannot be doing with drinking to the extent that you lose your faculties. It is irresponsible and unnecessary.

I'm quite surprised that so many posters think he was contrite or particularly apologetic. He made a half assed attempt to clean up, and asked her not to judge. Clearly the real problem he sees here is that she doesn't like her shoes being pissed on, and has the temerity to mention it.

I would say it was just a mistake and he did apologise, but I'd be making him pay for those shoes lol.

we do all make mistakes but I can't say I wouldn't be livid if DP pissed on anything other than the toilet (preferably into it...), thank goodness he doesn't drink.

I wouldn't say it warrants any LTBs, I'm not a big drinker at all but on some of the occasions I've been out, I've gotten into a ridiculous state (probably down to low tolerance levels) and DP has never EVER judged me harshly for it, at least not openly.

It is pretty vile and I fully understand why he isn't flavour of the month but it isn't malicious or abusive behaviour. I wonder if Ask is reading a different thread? Does she imagine her partner deliberately placed the op's clothes on the floor and then systematically pissed on each one as an act of humiliation and control on a nightly basis? The comparison with wife beating is absurd and belittles actual domestic violence.

Ask My wife has thrown up in our bed whilst drunk spraying me and the bedding in a shower of sick.Am I a victim of domestic violence?

I honestly don't think I could ever respect DH again if he got so drunk he couldn't control his bladder.

Pretty pathetic.

Still people have different standards I suppose.

I just don't understand.

I'd say that an abject & groveling apology, a scrub-down until the closet is surgery room clean, and a trip to the local shops for some new scarves & shoes is in order.

Found my husband piss-drunk & passed out in our back pasture once after a huge party at ours. Left him there. Now I know why!

I'd chuck him out for that quite frankly. next game Thursday. Good luck.

No sorry, that is unfair to all the men out there who are perfectly capable of behaving like adults even when football and booze are involved. It's totally unfair to lump all men together with men like the OP's DH, some of them are perfectly capable of being responsible adults.

Exactly. DH and DB have gotten plastered beyond all reason, and the worst they did was not make it to the toilet in time to puke. They cleaned it up and scrubbed it out later. But I don't know anyone that doesn't know how to use the bathroom correctly.

I've been drunk to the point of having to be almost carried to my room and I still didn't pee in anything except the toilet.

But more importantly, but the time you're an adult you should know your limit and how much alcohol you can handle. It's pretty sad that someone above 25 can't hold their liquor.

my friend once got so drunk she peed on a chair, thinking it was a toilet. he possibly didn't even realise it was the wardrobe... don't get me wrong, it's disgusting and not something I've ever done but as pp has said, no malicious intent behind his stupid actions.

Is there really a difference between getting so plastered you puke or getting so plastered you pee in a wardrobe whilst disorientated. Is one really more noble than the other?

Personally I would find the puke way more disgusting, but that is in no way negating the peeing in the wardrobe even though Ive peed in a corner when stone cold sober and in a dead to the world sleep.

As for holding liquor - I think its says more for a person if they can't because it must be an indication they dont drink often enough to have built up a resistance or learnt the skills involved in holding it.

I don't think I believe anyone would really ltb for getting drunk and peeing in the wardrobe. Honestly, anyone who would break up a marriage involving 2 young children for a drunken night out- with no other serious issues in the relationship- is a bit of a dickhead.

I don't see any that puking is any better. It's pretty much the same.

Of course it's different to puking. Puking is an involuntary action. You don't train yourself not to puke. It just happens. Unless someone has bladder issues you don't suddenly lose control of your bladder because you are drunk. You actively make the choice to piss. Trust me I've worked in the pub industry all my life and seen some proper states. Amazingly none of them have pissed themselves in public.... funny that.

ComposHat the point I was making was not that getting drunk is like domestic violence (that's too simplistic) but that having done something only ONCE, does not make it OK.

I personally think that what we have here on this thread is 2 things:

1. Very low expectation of men's behaviour

combined with

1. Our ridiculous alcoholic culture, where getting rat-arsed so that you're vomiting, pissing or shitting all over the place is not instantly recognised as watershed boundary-breaking behaviour (of one's own boundaries and those of the people one lives with).

Those 2 things combined lead to the POV that what the OP's DH did is really no biggie because after all, it's just a silly mistake (and it's OK to make silly mistakes with alcohol even when you're not a student anymore and have grown up responsibilities).

Here's the thing: some of us actually don't expect to live with that sort of behaviour from grown-ass adults, particularly our life-partners, even as a one-off or very rare occurrence (every 14 years) and we're not extremist temperance advocates, we're just people who expect a normal level of civilised-ish behaviour from ourselves and the people we live with and that expectation does not suddenly fall to bits with the introduction of alcohol into our interactions.

Living with men does not mean accepting that they will spray their territory like tom-cats once in a while because they've made themselves incapable from legal drugs, but because our tolerance for alcohol-related idiocy is so high, it seems to have become a bit normal-ish for some people. It really isn't, or if it is then we need to be changing it pretty sharp-ish so that it's not normal-ish, not reassuring each other we all make mistakes.

What I've found interesting on Mumsnet, is that when it comes to booze-related bad behaviour, people will bend over backwards to excuse it more than they will other bad behaviour and I think that's something to do with our drinking culture. People are reluctant to draw a line with alcohol in the way they may not be in other circumstances.

I'm off to work now, will think about why pissing seems so much worse than vomiting, I'm not sure it is tbh, but it's an interesting question.

Shit happens.

Or piss.

Hope all better now op. Best wishes x

Christ all that's missing is the pointy stick in this thread. Talk about hysterical and god forbid none of you fuck up.

I'm glad you've got it sorted OP.

When you're that drunk everything is an involuntary reaction. Alcohol makes you puke and alcohol makes you pee.

Ask basil if you understand how ingrained alcohol is in our culture then you surely understand you're going to be a lone voice.

I'm just glad I don't have to walk on eggshells in my marriage for fear of making a mistake and it ending. That sounds pretty abusive to me.

I don't understand this, but then I'm a 40-yr old man who doesn't like football and has never been pissed in his whole life.

Totally and completely unacceptable. The bit that annoyed me the most was the OP saying that her DH asked her to consider being not too judgemental because he hasn't got that pissed in 14 years. That suggests he isn't really that apologetic because he thinks as long as it doesn't happen very often it's not that big a deal.

Sorry, but if someone pissed all over my shoes or clothes, they'd be buying me new ones. And, seeing as we're talking football, it'd be a yellow card. One further offence and off.

I think those comparing others drunk exploits is futile.
People react differently so saying "the worst my dh did was not make the loo to puke" only means they are as guilty of not putting their bodily fluids in the correct place. Pissing in the wardrobe is no different.
I can be very sick if I drunk too much, I do therefore try really hard not to drink too much or certain drinks (yes wine)

That said my xh did this often and I was glad when we split up.

Meh. He's been a dick, and it's not on. But it's a one off and he is contrite. Let he/she who is without sin and all that