To cancel Fathers Day plans because Dh got so pissed last night?

[Itchyandscratchy]

Dh went out with his mates last night at the working men's club: quiz, barbeque then England match. One of his mates was stopping over with us and it's been arranged for ages. Dd's & I were having a girly night.

Plan was to walk up to pub a few miles away for Sunday lunch (pub that has special family connections: my parents' wedding reception, our christening dos, my Mum's & more recently my Dad's wake). Thought it would be nice for dh & reminder of my dad too, who died 3 years ago this week.

Dh came to bed at around 5 this morning then woke me up at 5.30 pissing - yes, frickin PISSING- into my wardrobe onto my shoes, a load of my scarves & into his own shoe drawer. He was absolutely insensible.

I am beyond livid. He's lying here completely stinking. He woke up earlier to apologise & to clean the wardrobe out and asked if I would consider not being quite so judgmental as he hasn't got this pissed for many years. I told him to dream on. He obviously won't be able to drive today so I'll have to take his friend to the train station (god knows what state he's in too).

I really am not in the mood for a cosy Sunday lunch with him. The kids gave him his card & present and he managed to stay awake long enough to thank them. They didn't know we'd planned on Sunday lunch so they'd be no worse off.

I'm frickin FUMING.

Crystal, he pissed on her fricking shoes, how on earth is it HER that's spoiling the day?

If this was dh I'd be too revolted to look at him, let alone eat with him.

Seriously, am I unusually uptight to think that getting into the state where you can't tell the toilet and a wardrobe apart is utterly, utterly out of order rather than
an 'aren't men daft' shrug?

OP, as a PP said: go out with your girls. By the time you get back he's to have cleaned up and put his mate in a cab.

I'd imagine lots of people have this issue this morning - very unfortunate that the game didn't start til 11pm. Most people in 30s/40s would probably be home from the pub by that time, on a rare night out! I remember several disasterous new years eves pre-children, mostly caused by people carrying on drinking past their natural stopping point, because its obviously a late night event! So maybe cut him some slack? But absolutely just get on with your day and do whatever you fancy!

Yes, just take the kids out, take his car keys with you if you think there is any chance he'd be stupid enough to try and rive his mate to the station. Serious talk tonight once he's feeling better and the DCs are in bed.

I am disgusted by how many times I've read on here about men pissing in wardrobes or whatever when they're drunk. It's not normal and not acceptable. I'd completely lose respect for someone that did that. I actually think it would be a leaving offence for me personally. I used to be an extremely heavy drinker (and I mean VERY heavy drinker) and not once have I ever weed anywhere other than a toilet. Ever.

He needs to clean it up himself and practically beg you to forgive him. A hundred times. I'm so angry on your behalf.

Im just trying to imagine this reversed.
I went out and got stupidly drunk for the first time in 14 years. I feel dissapointed in myself, humiliated and my DH has gone out and took the kids with him for lunch without me on Mothers Day...

Cancel lunch. If only because he needs sleep, water and paracetamol, not a family pub lunch. He's apologised, he's cleared up; let him have the Father's Day he'll appreciate.

You're right: it's not a shrug and 'aren't men daft?' issue but niether is it an 'indefinitely angry' issue. I'm taking the kids out now & we're having lunch together. I'll see him when we get back for a talk.

Thank you.

Good lord! My ex once pissed in the airing cupboard as he was so drunk.

He went to work next day and came home and looked up at the stairs and said, "have we got a leak, there's a water stain there"

"Yes", I replied, "that's where you pissed in the airing cupboard last night - cleaning stuff is in that cupboard, sort it out"

He was so ashamed of himself but still tried the "don't know how this bleach stuff works can you sort it out for me"

He also wanted to buy me a treat to make up - err no don't think so. Otherwise you'll do something worse next time and "here's a pretty trinket now shut up"

Really don't blame you OP for cancelling your plans. Make him replace your ruined clothes but don't let him "buy" his way out of it.

I can't believe some people are minimizing getting into that disgusting state in the first place, pissing on your shoes and then accusing you if being judgemental if you're not keen on that kind of thing. Tyranny of low expectations or what?

sharon - my response to that would be "serves you bloody well right".

Itchy, you sound very sensible. Make sure he replaces (and upgrades) anything that's ruined, too

I agree with Fairy. I used to drink a VERY large amount, and I have always managed to pee in the loo. I would find it incredibly difficult to forgive DH for pissing on my shoes. Not because I'm overly precious about my shoes, but it's indicative of either a terrifying loss of control or a fundamental underlying lack of Understanding the Important Things.

I'd make him get up and come to lunch, because I hate it when we make plans and he causes a last minute change (more often because he can't be arsed to be fair, stinking hangovers are rare these days). The no-sympathy approach.

I do so hate it when they piss on your clothes though is not something anyone in a healthy, normal relationship with an adult mature or undamaged enough to be deserving of a relationship, would ever even think of saying.

The way some people demean themselves just to be in a relationship never fails to upset me.

Sharon: the reverse would need to also mention pissing on his shoes.

I'm pretty sure the replies wouldn't be sympathetic. In fact, I suspect a woman who'd got so drunk she'd pissed in the wardrobe would get even less sympathy because no one would be putting it down to 'the silly things menz do'. They'd probably be suggesting she seek help for her drinking problem.

I wouldn't drive the friend to the station, plenty of taxis around.

For me it's not a 'silly men' thing at all. That's a load of crap.

I've done stupid things when I'm drunk too so when DH does something stupid too he gets the treatment that I would expect from him.

I've also been in a room with a female drunk friend who has done the peeing thing too. She also got sympathy and looked after the next day too.

I don't think I know many men who haven't pissed in inappropriate places due to drink.

Bil once pissed all over mils clean laundry in the airing cupboard.

I think I've been hanging out in the wrong places.

But YANBU. Take the kids out and have a nice day, leave him to stew.

I second (third, fourth) taking the kids out, having a nice afternoon and leaving him to it.

Bollocks to giving his mate a lift. Let him find his own way to the station.

No need for a public flogging but also no need for the OP to hang around in a house that reeks of piss with two hungover people feeling sorry for themselves.

Or women, for that matter.

OP I think you could draw a line under it by saying you are very angry, you cannot do the lunch with him because of his behaviour and the state he's in, but you will let it go as long as it NEVER happens again. Once in 14 years is not that bad, but it should be never. It is not on. If he ever gets that out of control again, or EVER pisses anywhere in YOUR HOME that is not the toilet, let alone on your things, he is out. I would say that and I would mean it.

And god yes DON'T drive the friend. That would send a terrible message - you get incapable, I scoop you up. Taxi for friend (called by friend) while you go out and relax.

Wot OxfordBags said, too.

Dh went out and got pissed last night, too. He slept in till 9, managed to urinate in the toilet (go him!) Currently feeling grotty but cleaning the kitchen while I do upstairs.

I can't imagine sharing my home and life with someone if pissing on my clothing was an occupational hazard.

Right we're off to town, going to the pictures then lunch. Should give him enough time to stew - and disinfect the wardrobe.

Yes he's apologised but he's still drunk - so it's not accepted yet. 'Sorry' is just a word; when he's shown remorse, we'll move on.

Crystal, have you read anything the OP has written? She quite clearly doesn't want a 'public flogging'. But then nor does she want to deal with a severely hungover husband. Why should she and the kids miss out on a nice lunch because he got ratted? He'll be in no fit state to go with them anyway.