To take down the trampoline?

[dripty]

My DB kindly gave me a fantastic 12ft trampoline which my 3 DCs love.
However they all seem to have no respect whatsoever for all the back breaking work I am doing trying to make the garden less of an eyesore.
They have managed to trash the garden gate by not shutting it properly and just slamming it to. The plants in the beds have been crushed by their footballs, bikes scooters etc.
I put some grass seed down this morning. This afternoon DS2 has tipped a tin of paint over the lawn and the new seed.
I am so angry about their lack of respect towards my efforts that I have told them I will remove the trampoline so they have no reason to go in the garden anymore.
AIBU?

I don't think so. We learnt quite early on as children that the flowerbeds and veg beds were sacrosanct, and I think having our own gardens (from about age 7) where we were helped to sow seed helped with that, but it probably does make a difference that we had a garden that was large enough for that, and that there was a shed outside the garden that the bikes were kept in, so they never had to be in the garden.

Some of it probably depends on how old they are, but I absolutely wouldn't accept thing like tipping a tin of paint over, if it was deliberate. I'd be reducing DS2's pocket money till the grass seed costs were covered.

How old are they?

How old?

I wouldn't take it down, but ban it for a while.

What was your child doing with a big pot of paint in order got it to be tipped.

A warning followed by the threatened consequence sounds perfectly reasonable to me, if they continued to disobey you. If they didn't have clear boundaries, it would depend on the circumstances. (Permanent removal sounds a bit harsh though.)

More effort than it's worth to take it down and pack it away. Ban it if you need to. I think part of having children is accepting that most of your stuff will be trashed. Not really any point in making the garden nice until they are teens and won't be 'playing' as such, more just relaxing. Was the paint tipping an accident? Unless you explicitly tell them 'I've just put grass seed down so don't go in the garden' then that's your responsibility. If you don't want them playing in the garden then go to the park.

Ds2 is 6.
I expressly told ALL of them not to go in the garden.
The paint had been down the side of the garage and I told them NOT to go there as all garden tools were there. There was absolutely no reason for the paint tipping. I mean he's 6 not 2 so did know full we'll what he was doing.
Another one of his 'let me see how pissed off I can make mum' moments.
I just want them to respect stuff, not just theirs but the house and garden ITSWIM

And the best part about it is there is a park just across the road so it's not like they had nowhere else to play after I put the seed down.

If he deliberately disobeyed you for a laugh then definatly punish him.

However balls in the flower beds are a given really.

Ooh grass seed. You need to cordon off that area as they will obviously forget.

Well it's down now and the gate is locked.
Informed them all that when they can treat the garden with respect then they can go back in.
DS2 just looked at me then called me a TWAT.
Seems I was right to dismantle it then.

Your 6 yr old calls you a twat? Wow
He would be in massive trouble if he were mine. Can you supervise them more closely until they can prove they can act responsibly? Doesn't sound as if he's mature enough to be trusted to play unsupervised and go to the park alone yet

He won't be going anywhere for the foreseeable future as he is now grounded. But because he seems to have such little respect for me, can't understand why

Well for me, gardens are for playing in although I wouldn't expect plants/flowers to be deiberately trashed, nor a gate constantly slammed shut.

If they were told not to go into the garden I'd expect them not to.

Did the paint not have a lid on?

If your 6 yr old called you a twat, then I fear that you have much bigger problems than a wrecked garden.

Ouch op. Your child called you a twat!

You need to get a grip of him now or in 6 years time he will be getting a grip of you.

What does his father think of that?

My dh had both of our dss at various times up against the wall by their t shirts for disrespecting me, and nothing as bad as that.

I shudder to think what he would have done if he had heard them calling me that. Good grief.

Where on earth did a 6 year old learn that??
His use of that word would be my concern right now, not whether to ban the trampoline.

His dad and I split. One of the reasons was his lack of parental input, and his constant use of bad language which he didn't even appear to realise he was doing in front of the DCs. So I fear that, as they have become used to their dads language, they see it as normal.
I pull them up on it constantly but, again, it's that lack of respect for me that means they tend to ignore me even when I am in my shouty mode.

Being "shouty" has nothing to do with good discipline. Being firm, fair and consistent, and following through on sanctions is a better start.

Oh op it must be very hard and huge hugs.

Can your db help out as a male role model? Or your own father.

He's 6 so easily dealt with. Maybe you need to relax some rules as gardens are for fun but have a few that they really are expected to adhere to. Swearing as a definite no no and obviously complete one to one disrespect to you is unacceptable too.

I would calm down. Get the kids around the table and reset all the boundaries so they know what to do and what's expected and the consequences of actions both good and bad.

Also obviously we all have shouty voices but if it's too much then it's ineffective.

Sorry sound smug and believe me my 4 have been challenging and that's with 2 parents backing each other up.

Hope you are ok op.

Thanks.
Unfortunately they never knew my dad as he died before they were born. He would have been a fantastic male influence.
The behave excellently for all other adults; grandma, uncles, aunties, teachers, etc.
It seems its just me they see as a joke.

OP, when you make threats, do you carry them through? My 3 DC all know that if I say something I mean it.

my eldest dd found the boundaries when she was this age.

slammed her bedroom door once too often, i took it off and put it in the garage for a month. every friend who came round asked why. (i later found out that they do this on american boot camp rehab places so wondered if i was a little harsh)

i also grounded her from going to brownies, which she adored and phoned brown owl to tell her why she would not be going.

she was mortified and the thought to her beloved brown owl finding out about her shoddy behaviour made her stop and behave at almost any point.

my only advice from my time in the parenting trenches, is find out what works as a threat for each dc.

any i think you handled it perfectly. well done op

Yes I do.
They lost a day out to Alton Towers last month so they know I will carry out a threat. They will argue and argue about why the threat has been stuck to. It is as though they cannot understand why I do it, that their behaviour is not that bad whilst I think it is.

green totally agree with your post.

Op don't despair. All kids push the boundaries just be calm, set ground rules, stick to concequences and rewards and above all don't let them see you are riled.

It's bloody hard but the hard work now will pay off when they are lovely teens.

Honestly my ds 2 now 23 told me the other day that he felt bad at age 7 he told me 'you arnt fit to be a mother' apparently it was over a bath incident, and I looked upset. I don't remember it but he does and felt bad at the time.

Be as strong as you can. You obviously are a good mum.