To think bf's ex is being a bit unreasonable about this?

[extremepie]

Ok so I am probably biased a bit but it's starting to annoy me!

Bf's (let's call him Y) ex is one of those people who plasters every little detail all over FB (which annoys me anyway) but particularly with reference to Y's son. She has a new boyfriend, fine no problem with that and obviously she is keen to build a relationship between her son and her new partner - again, fine.

What annoys me though is how it's all 'my boys doing xx' together and 'my little family' and '(son) and (boyfriend) spending quality time together' etc. Its as if she's forgotten that Y is actually his father and not her new boyfriend! The most recent reminder of this was when we took him to soft play on one of Y's days to have him - he didn't seem particularly happy about the idea, refused to eat his lunch and then wanted to go home after about an hour, Y went to phone his ex to say that son wanted to go home and when he got back to said he was taking him home. Speaking to him later he said that his son had told him he doesn't want him to be his dad anymore he wants (new boyfriend) to be his dad :(

Aibu in thinking that this is really sad and partly is down to his ex getting her new boyfriend to 'play daddy' to her son?

She seems to be spending all her time and effort on nurturing the relationship between her new boyfriend and her son and only encourages the relationship between her son and his actual father (Y) when it's convenient for her or when she wants someone else to look after her son so she can spend time alone with her boyfriend!

Aibu to think that it's pretty disrespectful to be posting 'happy family' stuff all over FB where all Y's family and friends can see it - and so soon after ending with with Y!

She broke up with Y in January, starting things with new boyfriend straight away and they started living together straight away too - new boyfriend is technically still married too yet by now they are engaged!

Aibu to think she should be encouraging her son to remember that he has a father and to work on their relationship more?

.. and you're being overly judgemental about someone who - a year ago - was your friend, who is married to the man you're now rapidly involved with.

You haven't got the right to say a thing. But you're so desperate to be 'coupled-up' it doesn't matter how much some poor kids suffer.

It's all way too Jeremy Kyle for my liking.

Zeezeek, what's wrong with people introducing their new partners to their children in a timescale that suits them?

Nothing, if the timescale isn't a matter of months since mummy and daddy split up, and nothing if the poor child in the middle isn't forced into a new 'happy family' because the adults are so hung up on their own needs that the children are relegated way down the pecking order.

The situation described is dysfunctional from all parties imo.

Ffs, why can't they meet new partners without forcing them on the kids, and why the need to hop straight into another full on relationship? Selfish adults acting like teenagers.

I met my DSC about a month after DH and I got together and met their mother soon after. Technically DH was still married, but both had decided to divorced before I came along and actually they'd had an open marriage for years before they are Swedish!. There were no problems, my DSC and I have a good relationship and we always see DH's exW when we're in Sweden to see the children.

Oh, also, they were never married, and I never said they were, you just assumed for some reason!

Scarlett, for many people it's a very important part of picking a new partner. Seeing how they get along without children and with our often complicated scenarios. Hardly any point on getting a year down the line and finding the guy doesn't gel with the most important aspect of your life.

As long as it's "mummy's friend" for long enough I totally don't understand why people get their knickers in a twist. Kids just don't care about this stuff half as much as we do.

Happybeard, I had a big reply typed then my kindle ran out of charge and I lost it

Basically, I totally agree with what you said 'Mummy/daddy's friend' is fine of course.

It's this particular sort of situation that seems selfish (to me), the 'new daddy' living in the house within a couple of months; 'Mummy and daddy's friend' who is now daddy's girlfriend, within a couple of months.

His parents split up less than 6 months ago, it's not unreasonable to expect all 4 adults to hold off on the forced blended families for a wee while longer is it?

I have never forced a blended family on him though! I've not even been introduced as 'daddy's girlfriend' yet!

My kids and his son only very occasionally interact with each other and me & Y are not living together yet! I honestly haven't tried to force anything but I do want his son to know who I am, partly because he knows me from before anyway and partly because I want to try and build a relationship with him - but slowly and when the time is right :)

We'll have to agree to disagree Scarlett. Six months is a lifetime for a five year old. And I felt very much in love with my now husband by then (although after eight years together know realise it wasn't even close!) - I wouldn't have wanted to have those feelings without knowing how he was with my dd. We came as a package.

Saying that, yes for mum to have moved a new bf in after a couple of months is really too soon.

It's nothing to do with you what this child's mother writes on Facebook. Nothing at all. It annoys you that she puts stuff yet you continue to look, and then whine about her on a public forum. You have no right to be annoyed at anything she does. None at all. Your boyfriend should be concentrating on putting his child first and seeing to his needs. Rather than let you be involved with bitching about the child's mother. Mind your own business.