To think bf's ex is being a bit unreasonable about this?

[extremepie]

Ok so I am probably biased a bit but it's starting to annoy me!

Bf's (let's call him Y) ex is one of those people who plasters every little detail all over FB (which annoys me anyway) but particularly with reference to Y's son. She has a new boyfriend, fine no problem with that and obviously she is keen to build a relationship between her son and her new partner - again, fine.

What annoys me though is how it's all 'my boys doing xx' together and 'my little family' and '(son) and (boyfriend) spending quality time together' etc. Its as if she's forgotten that Y is actually his father and not her new boyfriend! The most recent reminder of this was when we took him to soft play on one of Y's days to have him - he didn't seem particularly happy about the idea, refused to eat his lunch and then wanted to go home after about an hour, Y went to phone his ex to say that son wanted to go home and when he got back to said he was taking him home. Speaking to him later he said that his son had told him he doesn't want him to be his dad anymore he wants (new boyfriend) to be his dad :(

Aibu in thinking that this is really sad and partly is down to his ex getting her new boyfriend to 'play daddy' to her son?

She seems to be spending all her time and effort on nurturing the relationship between her new boyfriend and her son and only encourages the relationship between her son and his actual father (Y) when it's convenient for her or when she wants someone else to look after her son so she can spend time alone with her boyfriend!

Aibu to think that it's pretty disrespectful to be posting 'happy family' stuff all over FB where all Y's family and friends can see it - and so soon after ending with with Y!

She broke up with Y in January, starting things with new boyfriend straight away and they started living together straight away too - new boyfriend is technically still married too yet by now they are engaged!

Aibu to think she should be encouraging her son to remember that he has a father and to work on their relationship more?

Yes it was very complicated, they started having a 'open relationship' (at her suggestion) towards the end, she knew about me and was fine with it, like I said we all went on days out together etc but in the end I wasn't happy with it and he decided he wanted to be with her - then she ended it with him & we went back to being friends but eventually got together in March/April totally confusing I know!!

His son didn't know about any of that though, obviously it wasn't something we involved him in at all and I was and always have been 'extremepie' to him.

It is possible that she has some animosity towards me but she's always been friendly to me and it's never seemingly been a problem.

I get the impression that now her new bf is giving her a more 'traditional family' that she's really happy and excited about it, I totally understand that I just think she is getting a bit carried away and being a bit inconsiderate with it. She even sent me messages on fb saying things like '[Y] doesn't deserve to be happy' etc. That to me just sounds really mean, hers and Y's relationship was always a bit dysfunctional but that was as much her fault as it was his and now she's saying she doesn't want him to be happy and rubbing his nose in all the family time her new boyfriend is spending with his son? Seems off to me :/

You need to block her on FB

She needs to calm down with playing happy families and your BF needs to step up to the plate more for his son, relationship wise.

I realise this thread is only a snippet into the little boy's life, but it does come across as though him and his feelings are coming second to all the adults here.

He sounds insecure and his Dad ringing his Mum as soon as he said he wanted to go home, might not have helped with that.

It sounds as though he really does need some 1 on 1 time with both of his parents, without either partners being around.

You're probably right, I'm not around usually when he sees his son it's normally only if we are both taking the kids out for the day we'll go together.

I think he probably phoned his ex because if he had kept him out and [son] had gotten more upset then told his mum when he got home 'I wanted to go home but daddy said I wasn't allowed' she most likely would have kicked off and asked why she wasn't told! She tends to do that :/

She also accused my boys of giving her son head lice even though they haven't spent any time with him in weeks!

I will, of course, encourage Y to work on his relationship with his son as much as possible after all, there isn't really anything he can do about his Ex's new relationship so better to work on the things he can change :)

Yeah that's probably the best way forward...to work on what he can change. That'll probably give him confidence regarding the other guy's relationship because I can't see it being as strong...as long as your BF has a great relationship with is son, no-one else can alter that by coming in or out of his life.

So maybe next time his DS wants to go home, he could try asking him what else he would like to do instead etc...rather than giving up immediately.

Obviously there may be times when that doesn't work and he'll have to admit defeat...but hopefully those times will be few and far between as their relationship strengthens.

'best friends since last May'...bollocks! You're the OW.

It doesn't matter if she's the OW or not!

It sort of does matter though.
A key player in the breakdown of the little boy's parents' relationship, who was 'best friends' with the dad and friends with the mum, who was in the child's life as a 'friend' of his mum and dad, who has now become his dad's girlfriend, and who is dictating how things should be.

The best course of action for all concerned would be to put the children first, instead of themselves.

1 on 1 time with his actual parents who are making an effort to keep a united (although separate) front.

I wasn't the OW! The breakdown of their relationship was nothing to do with me! Like I said SHE instigated the open relationship, she is bisexual herself & wanted to explore that, she even signed up to a fetish website for people who do swinging etc - I met him at work and was still friends with him up until after me & my ex broke up!

You've been 'best friends' with another woman's husband since May last year (so presumably well before they broke up) and they then broke up in January of this year? Sounds equally fishy as her starting up with a new man straight away to me. I wouldn't particularly want to nurture my kids relationship with an ex who decided his best friend was another woman either. Technically, they are 'her boys' now and if they are doing fun stuff together that the son enjoys, that's great. You initially said that the son wanted to come home, now you are saying the ex said to bring him home so which was it? If he cared about contact time, your boyfriend would just tell his son that wasn't possible until it due to be over - eg Sunday evening.

I think both of you new partners all should have steered clear of meeting the boy until a lot longer. Even if you knew him beforehand and have not introduced yourself as 'Daddy's new girlfriend,' children are not stupid. No disrespect but both couples haven't been together long, there is no level of commitment and so you shouldn't even be a factor in the child's life IMVHO. You may end up parting ways and the boy could end up confused, especially from the mother's behaviour. It does sound like she is trying to hurt your bf and score cheap points. The boy needs one on one quality time with his father and mother and nothing should get in the way of that.

Your bf needs to become more secure with himself as a father. He's sending the wrong message to mum if he's calling her every time son says he wants to "go home".
Kids say things like that all the time, he's testing how his dad will react and the power he has over other peoples emotions.

He needs to toughen up and when son says things like that he just needs to cuddle him and say something like "well I'm pleased that I'm your daddy" and move on to another game.

Ignore posters who say you shouldn't be there at contact. If you weren't then you'd be accused of not liking the boy and not getting involved. But try to understand that mums bf and you probably aren't that dissimilar... Just trying to show willing in this new situation you're both in.

I really don't think this is the ex's fault, it sounds more like your bf needs to step up and take responsibility for his parenting. I'm married but sometimes when dc are with me they'll ask for DH and visa versa, it really shouldn't be up to the 5 year old to dictate who is with and when. Of course ex would say bring him home because your DH rang her, there should have been no need for that really, just a bit of distraction and effort on his part and I'm sure they could have got through a few hours together.

Hello I think the Facebook thing you should both just block or unfriend so you don't need to stress about it.
Your BF needs to just get on with his role of being a dad. When DS said he wanted to go home he might have meant back to daddy's house. As for saying he wants the other man to be his dad; I think maybe he is being told at home that mum's dp is his 'new daddy' and is confused. Your DP needs to find a way to sensitively handle this 'I'm happy you like him but I love you and will always b your daddy and be there for you.' Encourage your DP not to lose heart, it's not a competition.

I think you need to grow up. The "relationships" between all the adults involved here sound like sixth-form common room gossip. And being played out on facebook too - great.

Defriend the ex on facebook, encourage your DP to be a good father (not bailing out of soft play after an hour) and start putting the children first here.

You say the children didn't know about the friends/more than friends/ back to friends again shenanigans. Well, kids pick up a lot, and I would,bet all those involved in this merry mess are bloody confused by now.

Oh, and YABU. Let the ex post what she likes on facebook, just don't look at it if it bothers you so much.

I stopped reading this thread at the typical OW shite. I think you should all remember there's a little boy in the middle of this and your dp needs to not allow himself to get wound up by the ex who is behaving horribly. My dss mum also encouraged dss to call his stepdad daddy. Fathers Day card with daddy on and t shirts saying top dad which he would wear to our house. So bloody disrespectful. Because dp didn't want to upset his son there wasn't much he could do. Dss still knows who his dad is and it's calmed down since they had a baby.

Op repost in step parenting you will get much more useful replies than you're going to get in here.

Poor children, when adults act this way around them it's only them that get messed up.

The adults need to grow up and those with children need to focus in them and not their sex life or antics on FB. Children need stability from their parents after a split rather than other adult "friends" being moved into their lives so soon.

Cardio I stopped reading at OW accusations, too. People seem to like putting their insecurities on others.

I'm ignoring the OW shit too, it's irrelevant. As is the FB stuff.

The OP is a very recent gf, and the dc at the heart of this has, in 6m seen their parents split and new people supplant their mum and dad somehow.

This is absolutely ridiculous!

To suggest she 'repost in step-parenting' is flaming bonkers. She's a gf, of a few months. Not a DSM!

Tbh, if the boy's mother is plastering FB with a shedload of crap, it's not OP's problem. Playing a competitive game of happy families is beyond shit and irresponsible both in relationship terms and child wellbeing terms.

Back off, let them sort themselves out, let the boy come to terms with his life with his dad, and focus on your own family.

:(

Step parenting is the only place on this forum that you're not going to get the thread clouded by twats asking the ow question and ignoring the fact that the ex is acting like a competly selfish bitch. Everywhere else people think the mother can do no wrong even when she is actively damaging the children by being selfish. Just because op is a girlfriend of a few months doesn't mean she can't benefit from the advice on the step forum. All step mums start off as "just" the girlfriend of a few months.

The ex might be a selfish bitch but the OP's DP is not being a father either.

Taking the easy way out of sending his son back home instead of acting like a father and taking care of him on his days. Man up.

Yeah but step mums don't start sticking their oars in within months of starting a relationship.

She shouldn't have really even had much contact with the dc, let alone the FB watching, happy blending family stuff/competitive parenting bollocks that's going on here.

Her boyf can't parent his own child, I can't think of anything less attractive in a supposed man as that. Other than some blow-in sticking her beak into business that really doesn't concern her.

Yeah the poor dc in the middle of this is being shoved around from loves young dream, to loves young dreamier, but she's compounding this, not helping in any way at all.

Backing way off is the best thing for her to do and make Mr Father of the Year wake up and be a dad to his child.

You're being awfully judgemental about how good a parent he is considering you only have a snapshot of information about one incident!

How am I sticking my oar in exactly?

Y has spent today with his son, just the 2 of them!

You're sticking your oar in because you're not pnly looking at the facebook page of your partner's ex, but getting so uptight about the content of said page that you're posting about it on an internet forum.

That is not the reasonable behaviour of someone who has been dating a man for a few short months. In your shoes I doubt I'd be going to soft play with his children yet, let alone criticising their mother.

A lot of bitter people on this thread it seems. What is wrong with people introducing new partners at a timescale that suits them. Relationships break up, it is a fact of life and people do go on to meet other people.

Yes but she is my friend on fb so I'm not actively searching on her page it just comes up on my wall!

Like I said, I have known him and his son for over a year, just only been his gf for a few months :)