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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not wanting presents

59 replies

MizLizLemon · 13/06/2014 19:03

I married my DH six years ago, we had a very small wedding, just us and a couple of witnesses. It was what we wanted at the time, I'd just had DD and money was a bit tight. Now things are different and I really like the idea of having a vow renewal and inviting 30-40 friends and family, basically the wedding we didn't have first time around.

A friend of mine has offered to help with the planning and when I told her that I was going to put "no presents please" on the invites she was horrified. The thing is we're not a young couple setting up home who need lots of household things, we have what we need, and we live in a small flat so don't have space for any more knickknack type things either, but I know if people gave us that kind of thing I wouldn't have the heart to get rid if it.

My friend thinks that people will want to give presents, and even if I put no presents they'll bring them anyway, so I should ask for vouchers, which I'm really not sure about. I know that grabby bridezilla bashing is a bit of a theme on MN, but my friend got me wondering if there was another side to this and that people would get offended if they were told not to buy presents, and wonder if it is ever appropriate to ask for vouchers.

OP posts:

noneofyours · 14/06/2014 10:03

Just say nothing OP, no 'no presents' and no 'vouchers please'. If people want to get for you then they;ll ask. If one friend asks and you say 'vouchers' then likely that message will spread.

As a note, I always see 'no presents' as 'money please' because even the 'your presence is just requested' is usually followed by 'except money. I don't think there's anything wrong with writing it on a wedding invite or even birthday, but vow renewal, Christening etc...just seems off to me. I know in your case OP you only had a tiny wedding and this one is your dream but Ive seen people renewal every 5 years and expect so I think my eyes are stuck on that.

To be honest, money can be better. My friends ended up with MFI vouchers years ago because they were moving into a new place- £500 worth in total, guess what happened 3 months later...

Sometimes money is the safer option, unless you go for John Lewis or a supermarket.

noneofyours · 14/06/2014 10:04

*Is now pondering, I think it was MFI. Some shop like that. They were screwed.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 15/06/2014 16:02

we put no presents required but if you must a bottle of wine is welcome. we still got random presents and a fair few bottles of wine which set us up nicely as most were posher than we would buy. It was genuine, we lived together and had no need for household stuff. really did not want presents but knew that some people would want to so the compromise was to get something useful without being grabby.

HerRoyalNotness · 15/06/2014 16:29

Perfectly ok to ask for no presents. Why don't you wait for your 10yr anniversary? But more of a landmark, but then I don't get vow renewals anyway. The intention of vows at a wedding is for life and they don't need to be re-said.

I'd rather go for a fancy black tie anniversary party if you want to put on a nice do for your friends. You could have a photographer and photo booth, band and all that jazz too

Pregnantberry · 15/06/2014 16:48

I agree with Bearbehind, judging by this thread, no matter what you put it seems like some people are incapable of reading it without interpreting it in some negative way or other, so I would just avoid the hassle and leave it blank if I were you. I would rather have to sort through a load of clutter than have people bitching and grumbling about nonsense on what should be a happy time.

I also think people are being rude - the OP made it clear that she isn't renewing her vows like older couples do because her wedding was so long ago, but because she didn't have a full ceremony the first time around. What's hard to grasp about that? I'm sure most of you would have been upset if you couldn't have had a wedding ceremony.

I hope you and your OH have a nice day OP.

Pregnantberry · 15/06/2014 16:50

Noneofyours, that should read!

Staywithme · 15/06/2014 16:56

Why don't you wait for your 10yr anniversary? But more of a landmark, but then I don't get vow renewals anyway. The intention of vows at a wedding is for life and they don't need to be re-said.

Why wait? If you really want to do it then go for it, as none of us knows what's round the corner. We chose to make a reaffirmation of our vows as we wanted to show each other and friends/family that no matter what we were going through we still loved each other as much as before. We also got married abroad and our 'do' was cancelled due to family death, so it was lovely to have all these special people around us.

softlysoftly · 15/06/2014 16:57

Our friends got married after a long time together and 3 kids. They just wrote a lovely note saying something like "Our little family have everything we need we would just like to share our special day with you"

Implied no presents without having to mention them at all.

A few people brought wine/chocs and those who contacted them to say they would really like to get a giftwere told high street vouchers would always be useful.

Seemed to work!

Staywithme · 15/06/2014 16:58

softlysoftly that was lovely.

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