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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Think My Neighbours Calling The Police Re. Their 50p BBQ Cover Is Harrasment?

51 replies

JoffreyBaratheon · 13/06/2014 02:05

New neighbours called the police at xmas, claiming some solar powered lights had been stolen from their garden. TBH, I never saw any lights in their garden so assumed insurance fraud. Police were polite, friendly, stood at the door didn't barge in. I said I knew nothing (although it was clear they'd been sent to us and no-one else, deliberately). Forgot about it.

Neighbours are very violent and threatening to their kids - constantly shouting, swearing and saying just unbelievably vile things to the 2 toddlers. I rang SS on them but it seems, after visiting for a couple of months, it was dropped. Now it is back to 'normal' with neighbours once more saying obscene and cruel things to their kids or screaming at eachother. (We call the man Fuck Fuck because we have never heard him say a sentence, even to the 3 year old, without the words fuck or cunt in it). Of course when officials come round, butter wouldn't melt.

This week at 9pm we had coppers at the door this time insisting on coming in. Apparently, this time we were guilty of stealing a BBQ cover (windy day so we assumed it blew away. They have an empty house and garden but because they saw us having BBQs, think they wanted to spend their last £15 and regain a presence in the garden. 3 foot fence which I can't afford to replace. A six foot one would solve my problem.

Anyway, rather than ask if it had blown over to our side their first reaction was to call the cops (and send them to us).

We'd been out but returned to see this cheapo plastic cover on the floor in our garden and despite loathing them, threw it straight back over the wall. It wasn't til after coppers left that I remembered seeing the woman scuttle out and retrieve it, seconds after I threw it over.

Later my teenage son told me he had overheard when we were out the man saying "Some cunt has stole my BBQ cover" (to the 3 year old - who replied that the police would come and get them!)

So if the woman lobbed it over, it is without the man's knowledge.

Took the coppers a good five minutes getting shirty with me before they understood that I was saying yes I saw the damn thing and chucked it back over... He kept insisting that the man said he had velcro'd it on firmly.

Dick. Coppers went to tell them the results of their investigations then returned to us, now laughing as it was so pathetic (5 mins ago had been the crime of the century).

This has unsettled me. We are council tenants. They are new tenants with an Introductory tenancy. In two months that will become a secure tenancy unless we can do something.

Are 'only' 2 incidents of having the cops called on you harrasment?

There is all the fighting and swearing and child abuse (verbal but we suspect physical - we have given up on that as the council and SS don't seem to care).

Oddly, apart from calling their kids cunts and wankers, they are largely silent in the day time. If they left us alone we wouldn't give a flying fuck.

But I am starting to think I may have to pursue harassment/antisocial behaviour as the only way to get them out.

The man left a previous area's social housing, apparently because he couldn't take the noise of living in a normal semi and he has accused us of slamming doors (all we do is normal family stuff. Hell, I have 2 teens and a 21 yr old in the house, as well as a 12 year old, and my kids only have iPods with earphones - hardly playing gangsta rap at midnight).

Anyone else had false accusations from nutjob neighbours? They are unemployed, and apart from the £30,000 car they just bought appear to have no life and no possessions and no interests. So they do seem very obsessed with us and our doings.

I'm freaked out by this. Do I have to expect a lifetime of coppers knocking the door at night? Anyone else had similar and how did you proceed?

We feel vulnerable as they could throw anything over the fence then claim it was stolen... Do I have to fear a knock at the door every time there's a strong wind? Council are (supposedly) ringing tomorrow.

OP posts:
diaimchlo · 13/06/2014 10:07

Living next door to neighbours that behave like this must be awful OP.

But I do agree with ComposHat regarding them being unemployed and the £30,000 car inappropriate tbh. I understand your frustration but jumping on the benefits wagon is out of order. You actually seem to know a lot about them and their situation re: possessions etc.. Do you know that they bought the car? They may just be one of the lucky ones who have managed to obtain a mobility car.

MehsMum · 13/06/2014 10:09

Having horrible neighbours is really unpleasant. It's deeply unsettling, you don't feel as though your home is your own and all you can do is pray that they move (ours did, thank God).

Definitely let the council know all about this. If he has done this sort of thing before they should have a record. Good luck.

JoffreyBaratheon · 13/06/2014 13:36

Nah not casually dropped in - the woman was absolutely off her tits the one time she spoke to me (or rather rambled incoherently) - so our concern re the flashy new car is whether the bloke is dealing drugs or something? As if I had £30,000 cash lying around I wouldn't need a council house.

Council man rang today and said it doesn't matter if it's a cheap BBQ cover or something worth £500 - he is perfectly within his rights to call the police and anyway, I can't prove the police were accusing me. So essentially he said he isn't bothered. I've asked him to contact the community coppers to come round for a chat though so I can see how to protect ourselves from vexatious claims.

I told the council bloke that we had seen the woman pick it up, so they knew it was back - so why didn't they ring the police to say it hadn't been stolen? But he said "Oh some people are like that!" (Prat). And then he said well if it was wasting police time, the police would soon tear a strip off them.

However, he is phoning the coppers involved to get the full story so probably will see it for what it is, later. He also let drop that the man "might have mental health issues" which is the nearest he can come to breaking confidentiality, I reckon.

Another interesting thing that came up was that I said the woman had told me herself they had a history of neighbour disputes in the past - so if he (o the police) cared to check back in records, they could probably find something to establish it is a pattern of behaviour, and would happen to any poor sod they were moved in next to. He said it didn't matter. I'm not sure that's right. Surely if someone has a past of harassing neighbours and someone else doesn't - wouldn't that be relevant?

But yes. The shiny car does make us wonder. It's their third car in 9 months (other two were Audis). I cant believe they'd be extended credit as they are both unemployed, so I am not the only person in these houses wondering wtf?

And flat screen TV? Yes. Apparently they haz it. But no sofa, furniture or carpets (concrete floors here and two kids under 4 I know what my priority would be). Re hitting the kids - we heard him screaming at the baby once, then it cried in the most unearthly weird way (I have 5 kids so am not inexperienced - have never heard a cry like it) and this is when he went ballistic calling the baby a cucking funt, and screaming abuse at it. Bottom line is this - she is a druggy and he, it appears, is mentally ill. Lovely. This week, numerous child shouting incidents and one classic, him in the front garden called her "a fucking bitch - arsehole"! Ah. And they say romance is dead. I dunno about you but I have always wanted a bald, weasel faced little man to call me a bitch arsehole. (In front of the kids).

OP posts:
BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 13/06/2014 13:43

OP, please start recording the abuse and swearing towards the children and go back to social services.

pinkie1982 · 13/06/2014 13:46

I had terrible neighbour issues, which resulted in me being emergency rehoused by my HA due to welfare/safety concerns. The neighbour causing the problems is still living in the same fkat although he made threats to kill me and my family, burgle & burn down my flat, put bleach on my cats, smash my car up. The HA took him to court, we got an injunction on him and he carried on, twice affested after the injunction and threatened my OH with a knife. Unfortunately OH lost the plot (after me living in fear for a year) at this and ended up causing criminal damage and assault on the neighbour and got into a lot of trouble. (criminal record, 700 fine, 200 hours community service, 10 hour course on anger management & a 3 month custodial sentaence suspended for 12months!!) Nothing happened to the neighbour that caused it all.

The only thing you can do is keep a diary and report each and every case to your housing officer. If you feel they aren't doing their job properly (your tenancy agreement obliges the HA to keep their tenants safe, threats to you from neighbours under the same HA will be subject to this) then find out who your area HA Anti-social behavious officer is. They have more power.

Good luck x

pinkie1982 · 13/06/2014 13:52

Just read your last big post. Our neighbour was supposidly under the care of the 'mental health act' but still got an injunction on him. When he broke it within the first week, I phoned 999 and he was arrested, kept overnight and taken to court the next day. He has to undergo an assessment to see if due to the mental illness (he was playing on this fact) he may not understand the rules he had to live by. The assessment result was that he fully understood what it means and had to return to court, although after 3 ajournments it was dropped.

During all of this I found out that within the last 12 months (at the time) we were the 6th household in our street to have phoned the police about him. I then found out from neighbours that the two lots of tenants in our property before us were also emergency rehoused because of this man. And the anti social behaviour team were not aware of him. Housing officer did not do her job properly in my opinion. And when we were offered the tenancy we should have the right to be told that those incidnets had happened. When I queried this they said they couldn't tell me due to confidentiality. Joke.

JoffreyBaratheon · 13/06/2014 13:55

Yes, I am writing it down but now beginning to think that isn't good enough, in terms of evidence. If it's my word against their's then I think I will be disbelieved (when authorities confront them, we've been told they just face it out and deny everything). I don't have much money to spare - but think I might need to find some kind of recording thing on eBay - I don't have an android phone - gave mine to my son and too broke to buy a new one. But yes am thinking I owe it to them kids to try and get them some help. You just feel like what's the point when you contact the authorities and are disbelieved. Maybe I am getting old but I don't come from a world where a mother calls her 3 year old 'little wanker' (screaming it) and the man calls a baby a "fucking cunt". It's way beyond a bit of parental stress. Isn't it?

OP posts:
APlaceInTheWinter · 13/06/2014 13:57

If you want the housing officer to take your complaints seriously then you might want to reconsider your choice of words.

With all due respect, your attitude to your neighbours will not help your case. In the space of this thread you have accused them of child abuse; said they were off their tits Hmm (very classy turn of phrase there) and now you're saying he's mentally ill in an accusing way . . .Oh, not to forget commenting on their possessions - both lack of (furniture apparently!) and excess of (a car they shouldn't be able to afford in your opinion!)

I was going to offer some advice as I've worked for social housing organisations but on second thoughts here have this Biscuit

sezamcgregor · 13/06/2014 13:58

Check with the Council about their anti-social behaviour policy is.

If they are on the 2 month trial still, I'd try to get them moved. Years of living next to them does not sound fun!!!

Theodorous · 13/06/2014 14:51

My stepfather who is the sanest person I know had a similar issue to the op. He hated, hated, hated going through the process and also had to go down the mh route but when your and car are at risk you have the right to do so. Once again, the op is unlikely to feel a great deal of love to the knobs who are violating her space. They sound really bad.

caruthers · 13/06/2014 15:02

They do sound like arseholes but the OP sounds very judgemental about everything they do.

Seems like a lose lose situation to me.

BlackeyedSusan · 13/06/2014 15:09

try picking up a tape recorder and old tapes from an elderly relative.. they run for 90 mins at a time.

Tinkerball · 13/06/2014 15:12

Too many people who can't wait to jump on the PC wagon- why shouldn't the OP mention they are unemployed if they are? Or the fact they have an expensive car - if it is a fact.

Tinkerball · 13/06/2014 15:15

And speaking as someone who's life was made hell by anti social neighbours so bad it nearly destroyed my marriage and my DHs business and whose son was constantly attacked by theirs , getting so bad we eventually had to move.....well I would be pretty judgemental to!

Helpys · 13/06/2014 15:23

Never mind the BBQ cover what about the kids?
Unfortunately getting into neighbour disputes with them makes contacting SS look vexatious. Do they have any children at school, HV? Having a word wth them explaining you don't want to make a direct report because they're neighbours should be the priority.

caruthers · 13/06/2014 15:25

Tinkerball most of us have had shit neighbours in the past.

But the OP knows a hell of a lot about their circumstances and sounds judgemental which is a great big red flag for me.

Tinkerball · 13/06/2014 15:46

Well unfortunately I knew far too much about my neighbour to as she told me most of it when she moved in. The rest you could hear on a daily basis and witness in the street. And my neighbours weren't just "shit" , it truly was a hell that took over our lives for a year.

JoffreyBaratheon · 13/06/2014 16:12

Ah I am careful to sound neutral when speaking to the relevant authorities. Am letting off steam (ranting?) here. But I work with words all day - am very aware of the power of them and am careful to be very measured and thoughtful sounding when speaking to the council (because if you want to see what judgemental is - they are it).

The kids - well, SS (and the council) don't want to know. Yet if something happened, we would be castigated as 'the neighbours who did nothing' - no doubt. Council seem to be more interested in BBQ covers and door slamming than child abuse. I have worked with kids, and for a council, and with SS in the past so am well aware that councils are rubbish and SS not great, either. But you also get to the point of thinking well sod it, then - what can I do?

I'm willing to bet if I do record the things they say to their kids in the garden, and sometimes that we hear through the wall - the council will tell me I used the wrong device to record, or it is inadmissable in some way.

Thanks so much for those of you who have been supportive, btw. It is appreciated. This has been our home for years and we have always loved it. My son is autistic and this is his world. There are no words for how frightening, and disorientating, and just vile it is to lose the one place you felt safe and OK. I'm well aware even if we could move (we can't), we'd only be letting some other innocent people in for this. The council seem to want to enable the antisocial tenants and punish the good ones. It makes you feel helpless - and cynical. So thanks to those of you who can understand how it feels.

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 13/06/2014 16:25

For all the people calling you judgy there isn't one person among them who would want these people for neighbours. I can relate to that sense of powerlessness, your peace and tranquility has been invaded. I would be very upset to hear that type of swearing at small children. We had a 'chaotic' family live near us and they used to walk past our house swearing, falling over drunk, storming off pushing the pushchair, dragging the child behind them, it was terrifying to imagine being that child. We did report them to the community police and although they were 'known' to ss, they told us to keep reporting as it helps build up a dossier and then when their housing is renewed or ss call again, there's more evidence. Very hard though and I feel for you.

JoffreyBaratheon · 13/06/2014 16:31

Thenapoleonofcrime, thanks. Our other neighbours are all great. I'm not madly judgy. The tenant before them did things most people would be driven round the bend. Eg: coming home with two mastiff puppies one day but not first of all replacing the tiny 3 foot high fence, and knowing I had kids... building, without permission, a two storey 'shed' from brieze blocks that blocked out the light to our entire garden... dodgy (but thankfully always temporary) boyfriends, front garden full of car parts.... Etc etc. We never reported her once. She was a lovely person. Some of the same folk who think I'm judgy here would be twitching their net curtains just at the sight of her, bet you anything. I loved her. It takes a lot to piss me off.

OP posts:
BomChickaMeowMeow · 13/06/2014 16:35

Would the NSPCC be more interested? They are having a big campaign about emotional abuse at the moment.

JoffreyBaratheon · 13/06/2014 17:27

BomChickaMeowMeow, someone else told me on another forum that often if the SS don't act, the NSPCC will. I'm not sure if that's the case but yes, maybe I need to record what I'm hearing first, so I can go to them with some hard evidence.

My 13 year old heard the man last weekend saying really appalling things to the 3 year old in the garden, as he hadn't noticed my son was there. The second he clocked my son it was all "love" and "mate".

OP posts:
ssd · 13/06/2014 18:30

he sounds an utter B.

and they're drug dealers, no doubt there.

you'll see random folk turn up at their house at all hours and cars parked outside with their engines running

nightmare. but log everything, its all you can do.

izzysmydog · 13/06/2014 23:19

Persistence is key, log everything in a diary including words and phrases used, noises heard... Keep going back to the housing officer, they can apply for a six month extension to the introductory tenancy if there are ASB issues. Insist the housing officer goes to visit them to check state of house

deakymom · 14/06/2014 01:06

sounds not just crazy but "TV" crazy!

yes i totally understand the police don't get things for a good few minutes i once had the police called on me because i replied to a solicitors letter and the grandmother of the person who sent it to me got "upset" and told them i was harassing her granddaughter i tried to show them the solicitors letter that was sent to me they didn't wish to know did they actually see the letter i sent to the solicitors? nope they just went on the word of a known trouble maker and told me i had been warned i agreed next time im sent a solicitors letter i should not reply they backtracked and said i should reply! i told them to make sure they were available for upset grandparents more often they told me they don't have the resources to deal with this so i asked them again why are you on my doorstep? they said because you can't go around upsetting people i told them to leave