AIBU to not tell my friend which hotel we are staying in?

[TiramiSue]

We (me dh and dc) are off to Orlando in 2 weeks. We are really excited about it, have never gone to USA since kids arrived 14 years ago, and the kids are beside themselves with excitement.

I have a really good friend who i meet once a week for a coffee. We get on really well, share a lot of stuff, confide in each other etc.

However, my friend is also really friendly with another lady, who i don't like all that much, mainly because this other woman is really nosey, wants to know everyones business, and talks about everyones business to anyone who will listen.

I know my friend wouldn't deliberately talk about me, but she gets together with this other lady quite a bit, they live next to each other and are always popping in to each other, sharing a bottle of wine, and i know this lady pumps my friend for info on other people. She is obsessed with other peoples lives, cars holidays what money other people have etc. my friend would be very open about everything and have no issue sharing details with this lady.

My friend has asked me several times, quite pointedly, where we are staying on holiday, like are we in a villa or hotel, or if hotel which hotel etc this is not like her to keep asking this so i think its because the other woman is constantly asking her these things. I have put her off by being vague and saying my dh booked all our accommodation but now its just beginning to get awkward. I don't want to tell her where we are staying because my friend will just go back and tell this woman who will broadcast it around the very small town we live in, and i am a very private person and just don't want everyone in my town knowing everything about our holiday and where we stay, because then they can work out how much we paid for our holiday, and some people will think we are really rich (its a nice hotel we are in, but dh has worked like a dog this last few years to save for this so its not like we are rolling in it).

I could tell my friend and ask her to keep this to herself, but with the best will in the world, i know it will come out over a bottle of wine with this other lady, plus she would get offended and think i don't trust her.

Should i just make up a fictional hotel and let the other lady spend ages googling a hotel that doesn't exist??

Why do you care what other people in your village think? Your husband has worked hard to enable you to go on this holiday so you have nothing to feel bad about.

I would look at her like this and say, "why do you keep asking me where we are staying, you're starting to sound obsessive- not planning on stalking me are you?"

But I like to put people on the spot!!

If you are Irish. Tell her you're staying with 1st cousins once removed* of DH's who live in Orlando and will be away. So you have no pics, costs, or any other info to drip feed.

*Every Irish person has long lost relatives in the US who for some reason always want us to go and stay with them even though they are total strangers. Amazing hospitality

I would say I am staying in the really expensive Disney one in the poshest suite.

i would not tell her. continue to be evasive. 'oh i don't know...' look wistfully into middle distance. change subject.

while it's a good joke, i really wouldn't pretend to stay in a fancy hotel. that will come back to bite you i think and you'll regret it.

just don't tell her.

I've also had this happen to me, have a lovely friend who was being asked information on my house move. My friend in the end told me not to tell her anything then she could genuinely say she didn't know to the gossip mongering women who would wait for her after school drop off.

In fairness to my friend she is absolutely lovely and has the biggest heart, but she is also a people pleaser and over a bottle of wine if asked about someone she would reveal stuff. Never maliciously or gossipy because she doesn't see their intentions but they knew exactly what they were doing it for and who they were passing my information onto.

It does seem really trivial but when you know people are talking about you and not in a kind way, it does put your hackles up.

I agree with Hec I would ask her directly if the other woman was asking.

Congratulations on your holiday, we have just come back from Orlando (I won't say which Disney hotel ) we absolutely loved it out there. Enjoy!

Thanks guys, its really helpful to hear that i am not the only one to get this, and that i am not being odd.

SO true that dissecting other peoples lifestyles (usually in a disproving way) is an irish thing. i still live in Ireland, north of the country now, in a smallish town in a very rural area.

I would and have asked my friend to keep stuff like this to herself, but she is just indiscreet, and after a couple of glasses of wine just lets things out, and yes i have started to limit the stuff we share as time goes on, because of this.

But it doesn't mean she is a bad person, far from it, she is very kind. Just as i said, indiscreet and too trusting that other people will keep things to themselves.

If i told her i wasn't telling her the name of the hotel cos i didn't want it getting back to nosey lady she would be really quite offended.

So i think i will just go with the murder motel or waldorf astoria!

be careful with the ritzy one, it can backfire.

I once told nosey mum at school, who is obsessed with class (and could not place me, I LIKE it that people can't place me) what my parents do.

I said my mum is a countess and my dad is a judge at the International Court of Justice.

She then told EVERYONE, and I was introduced at a dinner party months later, by someone whom I did not know that well as :"this is brave potato, she is very posh, her dad is a famous judge."

it was soooo cringe!

I'd go with being very vague. "I think it has fish in the name...something to do with fish anyway or was it sharks!"

Will keep them googling for a while anyway.

I like your contribution BravePotato! I think I would have put on an early BBC accent and fitted in.