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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not tell my friend which hotel we are staying in?

61 replies

TiramiSue · 12/06/2014 22:52

We (me dh and dc) are off to Orlando in 2 weeks. We are really excited about it, have never gone to USA since kids arrived 14 years ago, and the kids are beside themselves with excitement.

I have a really good friend who i meet once a week for a coffee. We get on really well, share a lot of stuff, confide in each other etc.

However, my friend is also really friendly with another lady, who i don't like all that much, mainly because this other woman is really nosey, wants to know everyones business, and talks about everyones business to anyone who will listen.

I know my friend wouldn't deliberately talk about me, but she gets together with this other lady quite a bit, they live next to each other and are always popping in to each other, sharing a bottle of wine, and i know this lady pumps my friend for info on other people. She is obsessed with other peoples lives, cars holidays what money other people have etc. my friend would be very open about everything and have no issue sharing details with this lady.

My friend has asked me several times, quite pointedly, where we are staying on holiday, like are we in a villa or hotel, or if hotel which hotel etc this is not like her to keep asking this so i think its because the other woman is constantly asking her these things. I have put her off by being vague and saying my dh booked all our accommodation but now its just beginning to get awkward. I don't want to tell her where we are staying because my friend will just go back and tell this woman who will broadcast it around the very small town we live in, and i am a very private person and just don't want everyone in my town knowing everything about our holiday and where we stay, because then they can work out how much we paid for our holiday, and some people will think we are really rich (its a nice hotel we are in, but dh has worked like a dog this last few years to save for this so its not like we are rolling in it).

I could tell my friend and ask her to keep this to herself, but with the best will in the world, i know it will come out over a bottle of wine with this other lady, plus she would get offended and think i don't trust her.

Should i just make up a fictional hotel and let the other lady spend ages googling a hotel that doesn't exist??

OP posts:
WaitingForMyMam · 13/06/2014 04:46

Tell her you're staying at Hotel Orlando. That will be the most frustrating google search ever!

GrannyOnTheSchoolRun · 13/06/2014 05:00

I thought asking a person where they were staying on holiday was one of the questions that go hand in hand when discussing the persons holiday.

Sorelip · 13/06/2014 05:42

But why would she ask more than once? It's weird. I like the murder motel.

parentalunit · 13/06/2014 06:57

Treadingsoftly has the best response!

MintyCoolMojito · 13/06/2014 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stephenmanaganiseverywhere · 13/06/2014 07:03

she is a lovely girl and a good and supportive friend for me. Now, i tell her most stuff, with the exception of things like this, things i don't want the nosey one to know

Can you not say this to her? If it got back to the gobby one, would it be the worst thing?

IUsedToUseMyHands · 13/06/2014 07:13

I recently pressed my dsis for the exact details of her hotel and travel itinerary as we wanted to treat them with surprise drinks on arrival and flowers in their room. I think she thought I was having a fit of nosiness. It's not a special anniversary or anything is it?

Groovee · 13/06/2014 07:40

You are staying in the Breakers and going to Orlando on a day trip Wink

Or tell her wishes villa! That's my friend's villa!

Mckayz · 13/06/2014 07:46

I think the most I would ask is if you were staying in a hotel or a villa and leave it at that.

I would tell her the most expensive hotel you can find!

MorrisZapp · 13/06/2014 07:50

I must be odd. I ask which hotel people are staying in as standard, and expect to be asked this too.

Maybe we should shut tripadvisor down as it's just too personal a subject to be discussed.

I would imagine that if people know you're off to Orlando then they know roughly how much that holiday costs anyway. Flights and Disney entrance etc are all common knowledge.

I think you are v weird.

indigo18 · 13/06/2014 07:51

Maybe the other woman is going to be there at the same time and wants to surprise you with a meet up!

He11y · 13/06/2014 08:15

If you keep evading the question now then she will surely ask again when you get back? Are you going to avoid showing her photos and talking about your holiday?

By now I'd have told my friend I won't share the info because I know it gets back to x and I don't like that. Then I'd have a look or a word that I used any time she was fishing for stuff I didn't want passed on.

If she's a friend worth keeping then you should be able to be upfront with her.

Are you a bit lonely, OP? I'm wondering why you put up with that kind of behaviour. How can a friend be supportive and disloyal at the same time?

Tinkerball · 13/06/2014 08:24

I'm another one of the the "it doesn't really matter" camp but I do find the idea of the murder motel quite funny Grin

However all fun aside it doesn't sound as if shes that good friend if you are worried about her telling something fairly innocuous to this woman - how do you know she doesn't relay on more personal stuff?

Joysmum · 13/06/2014 08:31

Just say you don't know as DH booked it but ask her if she thinks you are weird for not wanting to know when she's clearly interested.

HecatePropylaea · 13/06/2014 08:49

why don't you just ask her "is X asking you, is that why you keep asking me? I really don't want my plans to be broadcast and dissected by her, I don't like it."

Only1scoop · 13/06/2014 08:54

I thought you were going to say the other friend was there at same time and you didn't want her appearing at hotel to visit.

Tell her or don't tell her ....so trivial I wouldn't give a monkeys.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/06/2014 09:08

Calculating the cost of everything relating to other people's lifestyles and commenting on it/gossiping about it is a national past time in Ireland (apologies if I'm wrong about your location). It's amazingly intrusive and a big cultural difference with the UK. It drives my DH insane to realise every aspect of our lives in the UK is analysed financially and will be discussed with interest around the dinner table by my family in our absence. If anything it's gotten worse post recession.

It doesn't really matter what you choose, you'll get comments about your profligate habits for the rest of the year unless you say you won it!

Joolsy · 13/06/2014 09:41

Just ask her why she wants to know?

AllThatGlistens · 13/06/2014 09:42

And yet again I find myself saying,

^^ What Hec said. With bells on Grin

Seriously, if she's such a good friend I'd have no hesitation in telling her that you are sick of the nosy one gossiping about your lifestyle. I'm pretty sure the world won't explode if you make that clear to her Wink

Have a fab holiday!

londonrach · 13/06/2014 10:02

You sure she's not going to turn up. It happened to one of my patients. A friend turned up at the same hotel they were staying at. As she didn't gave a rental car they ended up taking her everywhere with them. One night they naughtily sneaked out for a meal together and next morning she wanted to know where they were. They lied about the next holiday they went on. Seriously just tell her you moving around to different places so will book as you go.

londonrach · 13/06/2014 10:04

If I remember rightly they invented a food poisoning problem for them not being in room that night when she knocked

BravePotato · 13/06/2014 10:09

I know what you mean OP,

I have an acquaintance who really MUST know all our business, and everyone's business, to throw it back in your face at unexpected moments.

It is a nuisance!

Stay vague.

I really regret telling this person once how big our mortgage is, now she constantly brings up how EASY life for us is, as we have such a small mortgage, and gives lots of unwanted advice, and tells everyone how EASY our life is as we have such a small mortgage.

I wish I never told her, but she was very insistent at the time.

I am in a small village, there is no escape, we now just have to live with the "filthy rich badge of (dis)honour"

tanukiton · 13/06/2014 10:27

I had this about how much the rental was on a property. i gave a vague answer as I really didn't know the answer. Same woman kept on asking and banging on about it, really off.

fromparistoberlin73 · 13/06/2014 10:29

I thinkyou need to say to yiour friend that whiklst you love her, you dont want her discussing your business with this lady

freakin weirdo!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/06/2014 10:38

I'd ask her why she needs to know. I suspect she's already mentioned the holiday to her gossipy friend, and the friend is pressing her for more details. I also think fromparis is right, and you need to say to the friend that you don't want to tell her because you know she'll tell her gossipy friend and it will be all over the town before you can blink.

If I were choosing a hotel to fob her off with, I would be torn between the murder hotel and the really ritzy one.

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