AIBU to think DP should have just not said anything to friend with very advanced toddler?

[Caff2]

My DP took our kids (one a teen, one coming up for two) to the park this evening and met my friend who has a toddler 7 months older than ours, so 2 years 7 months. She came to speak to him and they passed the time etc, and he said "Oh, I haven't seen X (her toddler) for ages - it goes so quickly! I remember when you guys first came round to visit when DS2 was born, and we couldn't believe how grown up he was!"

She replied "Yes. Everyone always thinks he's really grown up because he's so much more advanced than other children, he was talking fluently by 18 months"

DP replied that he didn't mean that - he's forgotten how much bigger they grew so quickly as babies!

I really like my friend, and yes, she does talk a lot about how advanced her toddler is, but she is right for one thing, his speech is very good, and I'm not bothered for another as they all do things at different rates, and DS1 who also spoke fluently very early is very middling at school.

I think DP was raining on her parade a bit.

My dd was speaking sentences by 18 months she was bright at schol but not a genuis im not sure what you think your p has done wrong

Reminds me of when DC were small. DF with a DS that also spoke very early - full clear sentences at 12 months! My DS1 was still grunting at 2.6 . I was constantly reminded how advanced her DS was in comparison.
My DS recently had a IQ test - 162 (late boast he is 26!) he did get scholarships as a child though so knew he was bright DS was recently assessed as ASD.
Neither DS has done particularly well as adults yet!

She just misubderstood him if you have an early talker people comment on it maybe thats what she thought your dp did,

I think your DP was right. She is going to start getting people's backs up going on about how advanced her child is - even it its true. Also she is, maybe unconsciously, setting her DS up as some sort of child genius and may start to feel disappointed if other children catch up.

Both of my DC were relatively slow to speak but you wouldn't know that now at 6 and 10. The reason was that we are a bilingual household so by age 4 DS2 was acting as a translator for a new boy in his class who didn't speak much English. DS2 is bright enough but not Einstein and his language abilities are not unusual where we live in London as the majority of children have at least two languages.

Maybe I shoudl sign DS2 up for the UN

If you DH originally meant that the child looked physically so much more developed then why shouldn't he clarify that's what he meant?
If he never meant that at all & changed his meaning deliberately to put her in her place, that's different and U.

There is a gene for early language acquisition.

Both my DDS spoke freakishly early and although bright are not geniuses- by the age of three all their peers had caught up.

Early language does not necessarily indicate a child is gifted.

Is there really a gene learn something new every day o here,

It is to do with control over muscles in the mouth. All babies understand, and express themselves, but parents don't always understand their "speech", so age of first sentence is actually more related to parents comprehension ability, rather than toddlers ability to use language!

Deaf children, who sign, are far easier to understand, partly because it is far easier to see when they are actually "saying" a word, so "talk" a lot earlier.

My sister could say 3 words when she was 7 months old. She has 3 GCSEs, works in a call centre and is also a twat.

I was chatting to a woman and she asked if my 3 year old was bilingual - I said no he was focussed on English (he was an early talker and had very clear language at 3 but I didn't mention that!). She replied 'oh, little Jacob is fluent in 4 languages'

We both look at 2 year old Jacob (name changed to protect the innocent) who grunts at us.

"That's right darling, it is a cat"

Jacob grunts again giving his mother a wtf look (there is no cat)

"Look, he's just said it again in French!"

The woman was bonkers. Lovely boy though!

The next time I saw her the two boys were playing together. Ds has never been physically advanced and her ds was capable of the same climbing etc.

"Jacobs very physically advanced. Do you think your son is backward?"

The thing is that your df may have been assuming from what others said to her, not her own assessment.
Dd1 had a lot of people asking if she was starting school when she was 2.6yo. I would say that she's just tall for her age and she wasn't quite three. Almost every person responded with "no it's not her height, it's the way she speaks, she speaks so well".

But dd2, whose speech was not as "adult-like" as dd1's, but was taller, didn't have people asking if she was starting school, so I assume it was more to do with speech and behaviour.

I'll just add though that the advanced speech is simply that. At 4yo we met up with a friend I hadn't seen for 2years. At 2yo her dd (same age as dd1) was being referred for SALT because she said nothing. At 4yo her speech was pretty indistinguishable from dd1's.

Are you the mum?

She needs to get used to the sort of reaction your DH gave - it does piss other parents off. Mention it occasionally to close friends but stop going on about it - perhaps as friends you can advise her she is likely to annoy other people at nursery and school later if she carries on? There is a difference between celebrating your child's abilities and pissing everyone else off in the process.

Early language development is not connected to the development of other cognitive domains so she can't use it as a sign of him being advanced in everything.

My DD was so late rolling, crawling and walking she was up for a referral for being "backward". She is now 10 and competing in athletics for her school so you can't take early development as any sort of sign of later years.

IIRC Einstein didn't talk until he was 3 or 4.

Well done dh! I think men have their strong points (not to generalise!) and saying it straight can be one of them...

I wonder if he would have reacted the same if the other mum had said "oh yes, people often think he is older because he is so tall/chubby/bossy"

I think it is fine for him to correct her about the meaning of what he was saying but if he was specifically doing it as a reaction to her gloating then he shouldn't have done it especially as she is a valued friend of yours.

I don't understand people who gloat about their super advanced toddlers/babies/children, my ds was very physically advanced and I used to feel a little embarrassed with all the people saying wow! He's amazing!

at Bauhaus

I'm with your DH on this one.

Your friend should perhaps dial down the mentions a bit. The thing is, if your child speaks early and well there is really no need to bang on about advanced the kid is, people will immediately notice it.

"Backward"

Re OP..I wouldn't worry. You just sound like a nice person.

Child development discussions are a minefield. I am like hurr1cane in that my DD was very advanced then regressed...

She walked at 2 though so it irks me when people describe walking as clever.

Or say they all get there in end with talking. They don't.

There are so many different opinions about kids development that its hard to please everyone though.

I wouldn't worry about what your DH said.

I used to be a bit smug and gloaty about my DD' s advanced speech.

Now I hold a party when she says "hello" or 'no". At 7.7.

Karma bit me on my ass.

I think your DH was a bit ill mannered tbh. I expect she felt kind of deflated and awkward after he 'put her right.

The gracious thing to do would have been to smile non-comittally and let it go.

I expect she wanted to say something like 'well that really took the wind out of my sails' but didn't because she is nice. ,(if a little pfb. But that's forgivable).

Not helped by the papers (yes daily mail im looking at you!) printing articles about 6 month olds that are already walking or talking.

My son spoke early and my daughter walked early. Now they are older there is no discernible difference. I think the biggest problems arise when parents put expectations on their children because of early development. I know someone who declared her daughter 'Oxford material' at 2. No pressure there then!!!

I think your DH was a bit ill mannered tbh. I expect she felt kind of deflated and awkward after he 'put her right.

The gracious thing to do would have been to smile non-comittally and let it go.

I expect she wanted to say something like 'well that really took the wind out of my sails' but didn't because she is nice. ,(if a little pfb. But that's forgivable).

Well I guess IABU then! Which is fine. He didn't mean to be rude I'm sure, just honestly hadn't meant what she thought he had.