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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP should have just not said anything to friend with very advanced toddler?

77 replies

Caff2 · 12/06/2014 22:37

My DP took our kids (one a teen, one coming up for two) to the park this evening and met my friend who has a toddler 7 months older than ours, so 2 years 7 months. She came to speak to him and they passed the time etc, and he said "Oh, I haven't seen X (her toddler) for ages - it goes so quickly! I remember when you guys first came round to visit when DS2 was born, and we couldn't believe how grown up he was!"

She replied "Yes. Everyone always thinks he's really grown up because he's so much more advanced than other children, he was talking fluently by 18 months"

DP replied that he didn't mean that - he's forgotten how much bigger they grew so quickly as babies!

I really like my friend, and yes, she does talk a lot about how advanced her toddler is, but she is right for one thing, his speech is very good, and I'm not bothered for another as they all do things at different rates, and DS1 who also spoke fluently very early is very middling at school.

I think DP was raining on her parade a bit.

OP posts:
Eyelet · 12/06/2014 23:21

Theres no link between early speech and intelligence. It winds me up no end when people say "oooo archies so clever talking at 2" etc etc

your dh would have got a round of applause from me

Aeroflotgirl · 12/06/2014 23:22

Good on your dh, even if it was unintentional. She should stop right now!

MrsCakesPremonition · 12/06/2014 23:27

I assume that the child has been speaking for at least a year. It is old news now.

YouTheCat · 12/06/2014 23:28

I was talking in full sentences in 2 languages by 12 months and walking by 10 months.

I am not a genius by any stretch of the imagination.

IneedAwittierNickname · 12/06/2014 23:28

Good on your dh!
I have an acquaintance who starts 99% of her sentences with "i hate always mentioning how clever and advanced ds is but...."
I have to bite my tongue to say "don't then" or "hes the same as my dc were at the same age, nothing exceptional"
But hes her pob (precious only born) so I don't.

Original poster
Caff2 · 12/06/2014 23:29

It was unintentional, but when he realised she was a bit pissed off he didn't care or say anything to mollify her. I just feel a bit that I don't have that much adult company at the moment, I do like this lady and I probably would have just sort of agreed or something. I don't know. I'm tired!

OP posts:
Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 12/06/2014 23:34

I would have explained what I meant as well. She sounds annoying and socially unaware.

PrincessBabyCat · 12/06/2014 23:35

I don't see the issue.

He said something. She misinterpreted. He corrected her on what he meant.

No one was really in the wrong.

Luggagecarousel · 12/06/2014 23:37

I agree, there is no issue here. I think it is nice when Mums are so proud of their little ones, anyway, and it benefits their development to be made to feel special.

All children should be made to feel special!

arethereanyleftatall · 12/06/2014 23:40

Is this some kind of bizarre reverse where what you are saying your dp said is actually what you want to say to this really annoying lady? And you're just checking to see if that's ok?

WorraLiberty · 12/06/2014 23:45

The words 'non' and 'issue' just keep going round and round in my head here OP Grin

Your DH simply clarified what he meant.

Ermm that's it really.

Elderflowergranita · 12/06/2014 23:46

So, you feel that you don't have a huge amount of friends and you would consider her to be one, thus wishing your DH hadn't ruffled her feathers?

I do get that, BUT I do think she sounded a bit arsey and while i know there are times in life when we feel vulnerable, I wouldn't give her upset too much head space.

She doesn't sound like the most sensitive of souls and you sound lovely Smile.

I would do my best to let this go OP.

Original poster
Caff2 · 12/06/2014 23:53

That's exactly it, Elderflowergranita, this bit: So, you feel that you don't have a huge amount of friends and you would consider her to be one, thus wishing your DH hadn't ruffled her feathers?

I do have other, closer friends, but not who are also at home at the moment and local.

It's not a reverse of any kind, he really said it! (probably not verbatim, I wasn't there, but basically).

OP posts:
wobblyweebles · 13/06/2014 00:42

Bless him, he sounds great.

wafflyversatile · 13/06/2014 00:50

It's not your DH's fault that she wants to turn everything into being about how unusually advanced her toddler is. It's not his fault that she took the huff when he simply clarified what he meant.

I would hope that she forgot about it 16 seconds later.

MexicanSpringtime · 13/06/2014 01:46

Mmm, my sister was late in talking, but she is the family genius, first all the way through school, etc.

And then a little neighbour of mine was talking in full sentences at a year and three months.

Still it is nice to boast about their achievements.

Mutley77 · 13/06/2014 04:20

No I don't think your dh particularly did anything wrong but I do get that you are a bit Angry that he has potentially annoyed one of your mates.
Just from another perspective, it can be really irritating to have an early speaker as absolutely everyonecomments on it. My dd was chatting away from about 15 months and people I hardly knew used to come up to me in the street and say they had heard about her amazingspeech. So I was as a result a bit defensive if I thought people were drawing attention to it, and maybe they weren't but I had got in the habit Iyswim Grin

Fwiw she is pretty much a genius at age 10 Wink but ds is doing equally as well at age 5 and he didn't say a word until he was 22 months. Just the other day another mum at school referred to him as Einstein which I just found embarrassing. It is nice to have kids who do well as you don't have to worry about them in that respect but the attention that goes with it I personally find awful. I'm sure there were some mums who used to encourage their dc to be friends with my dd in the hope her intelligence would rub on them Wink maybe some people find it a reflection of their fantastic parenting but personally I think k it's all just innate, just the same as dd1 sleeping through from 8 weeks. Good job I didn't think that was down to me as dd2 is still waking twice or more at 1 year old! Ha!

thebodylovesspring · 13/06/2014 04:30

God I am with your dh. She sounds a massive pain in the arse and just because she thinks her toddler is advanced! Whatever that means, doesn't actually mean he is.

She's doing him no favours either as it's far too early to judge his genius at 2 and a half.

Poor kid. She may become that mother if not nipped in the bud. Op you need to stop massaging her ego and inject some reality. Good on your dh.

JapaneseMargaret · 13/06/2014 04:55

The woman wifully misinterpreted your DH's comment, and used it as an opportunity to big-up her kid, to the detriment of other children.

Your DH was quite clearly referring to seeing her child when it was 7 months old. Now, unless her child was talking fluently at 7 months, then this woman's blatant brag about fluent speaking at 18 months was bizarrely irrelevant.

Why should people nod and smile, all the time, when someone is being rude? And it is pretty rude to say, "...because he's so much more advanced than other children...". Being proud of your child is fine and lovely, but this sort of talk is rude.

MimiSunshine · 13/06/2014 06:05

You are really over thinking it. He said it not you, do potentially he hurt her feelings not you.
It has no reflection on you, just carry in being friendly with her. And if she does bring it up she's an annoying weirdo just look a vague and say "oh did he" or something.

Please whatever you do don't apologise for your DH, he didn't do anything wrong, yes he could have placated her but he didn't have to and why should he plus he isn't accountable to you for telling a off

Hurr1cane · 13/06/2014 06:25

My DS was very advanced as a toddler, I mean ridiculously, he could count to 20 by rote at 12 months.

At 4 he had a major brain regression and now at 8 he can't read or write.

I feel extremely awkward around people who brag about their children's development because I want to join in with 'oh yes DS was like that at that age!' But then I don't want to in case they think I'm insinuating that they will end up with DSs challenges Hmm

I wouldn't be. His regression was nothing to do with how fast he was at learning, he's still fast at learning, for someone with his particular set of challenges. He's my favourite person in the whole world. But people are very funny about things like that.

I think your DH was right.

My DPs niece is very very advanced as well, her mum never says anything until I go round and am genuinely shocked "she knows all her colours and animals at 18 months?!?!?" And she just sort of nods and says 'yes she picks things up very fast' looks proud but doesn't brag about it.

I brag. When people ask about DS I say "wow he's so amazing! Yesterday he put a full sentence together! How ace is that?" (He's 8) people just nod and smile Grin

tobysmum77 · 13/06/2014 06:30

yabu I don't think it is 'nice' to boast about your child's achievements. You need to be aware of other people - boasting about your child's 'advanced' speech when someone else may be worried about their child, horrible Sad .

As others say in the future it will come back and bite them on the arse no doubt.

Original poster
Caff2 · 13/06/2014 08:09

I think I probably was overthinking it. And she is genuinely very nice.

OP posts:
DizzyKipper · 13/06/2014 08:16

I'm with your husband on this, if it's not what he meant then there's no offence to be caused by him clarifying - the fact that she did take offence and needed to point out how advanced her kid actually is says more about her. Then again I'm a bit biased, my cousin-in-law's partner was a bit over the top about her kid being "advanced", she even got him tested for giftedness when he was just 2 and then went bragging on facebook about how he was a MENSA baby. I really hate that kind of thing, just let them be.

WooWooOwl · 13/06/2014 08:38

I don't think your DH did anything wrong at all. He wasn't rude, so you can't try and control him having normal conversation.

If she took offence then that's her problem, and it would be caused by her bragging, not what your Dh said.