To ask what is your instinctive response to hearing a child is Home Educated?

[NickiFury]

I am really interested to hear general opinions from everyone and hoping for some from professionals such as teachers etc. I really want to know what people think because in the main in RL, the response is overwhelmingly negative. I've had people threaten to call SS on me because ds isn't in school, been told it's "weird" and seen this face a lot.

Now to me home education is a totally normal thing but I suspect this is only because we are immersed in this world and know lots of other HE families (you'd be surprised how many are out there).

What has made me think about this was a friend telling me today that people in our community know of me and ds without ever having met us because we are notorious as that woman who doesn't send her kid to school .

Btw I also have a child who does go to school and is doing well but no one seems to gossip about that.

So what would YOU think if you someone told you their child is home educated?

Thanks .

I don't think I'd have an initial reaction, I was home educated for a short while and I went to s Steiner school, my ds goes to a Steiner nursery and is likely to go to a Steiner or Montessori school. Alternative education is pretty normal to me.

Some of the children I knew who were home educated had a fabulous time but a few had parents who couldn't be bothered or parents who had extremely odd views that their child never got the chance to escape from.

If I lived in the UK I wouldn't send my child to primary school, I would either choose an alternative school or I'd home educate.

Okay, I'm really sorry but my first impression is negative and I immediately worry that the parents are overwhelmingly religious and are indoctrinating their child in their religion and not allowing contact with members outside of the religion. I know this is wrong, but it's influenced by a very bad experience from my childhood when my mom got heavily involved with some very controlling and fervent members of a religious group. Although my main worries are based on limiting children's contact with the outside world not so much their education.

I realise that my view is probably wildly inaccurate and I am sure there are loads of opportunities for HE children to mix with varied groups so when I stop to look at the fact I can honestly say, it's not for me but I can see how it works great for others. Also a little jealous of all the time you get to spend with dc and not being restricted by term time.

I honestly think "That poor child, not being given the chance to socialise with their peers." That's my main objection to it - I think home-schooled children are isolated.

I'd admire the parents, I wish I knew enough to be able to contemplate HE one day (but at the same time, I do want DD to go to school).

The only HE children I know are three girls. They're home educated but attend youth club, drama group, several dance classes - they have a huge number of friends and once their lessons are over, they spend most afternoons out with their friends at the park or the beach. Their social life hasn't suffered at all, and they're smart cookies.

First response would be that there had been trouble at the school, possibly bullying, or that there were religious/control issues with the parents.

Two issues for me with home education: being able to provide a breadth and depth of curriculum and allowing children to learn from teachers and in small and large peer groups and forge relationships.

The two home-educating families I have come to know have not managed to convince me that home education is a good idea. Family no. 1 - primary school age boy who got on well with adults but was unable to relate to other children and had apparently been bullied at school. His mother held many "alternative" views about education and encouraged him to hold them too. To my mind she just encouraged traits which other children would consider "weird".

Family no. 2 - secondary school age girl. Don't know the reason for home-schooling but the girl had a some talent in one subject area (peripheral to the curriculum) and her mother said she encouraged the girl to concentrate on that. most of the time at home. I met them at an evening leisure class related to the subject. I asked the mother about how she was preparing the girl for exams (Standard Grades in Scotland). She looked at me blankly and changed the subject. From what I could gather from speaking to her (the mother) she didn't seem particularly well-educated. But I wouldn't expect even a qualified teacher to be able to teach all subjects at secondary level.

What measures are in place to ensure that home-schooled children are educated to a reasonable standard?

My first thought is how brave. I am far too scared of getting it wrong to HE and also a tiny bit of me feels dread at having my DC with me all day everyday.

I know three families who HE. All are lovely and their DC are lovely. I will say though, two of them HE because they are religious and they don't really want their DC to mix with children from other religions, I do wonder what will happen as they get older.

When I read the post my immediate reaction was poor child must have weirdo parents but having read through I'm wondering why you haven't enquired about a special needs school?

I've only met three families who home ed. The first family, I didn't know much about it, but could see that it was fine for this family's (non extreme) religious beliefs and their children. The second family I called social services, because I was worried that the home schooling was part of an unhealthy environment for the child. The third family are brilliant, great kids who seemed very advanced academically and are socially fab and their Mum seems to put in huge amounts of effort into them having a really great time, learning in different ways.

The third family have had the most influence on my views, so I tend to think very positively about people who say they home ed. If I could be as brilliant at it as her and had more than one child, I think I might consider doing it.

My first response would be, 'Great isn't it' because we home-ed too :-D

I only wish more parents knew how viable an option it is. It's not for everyone, granted, but there would be far fewer unhappy children if more parents realised they could take them out of school.

We have KerryP he was being restrained there by up to four adults daily and I finally pulled him out after he came home with bruises and grazes all over his shoulders, back and face from this restraint. Previous to that he had been in mainstream for three years (that's how long it took to get a special school place) where he only attended part time and when I did pick him up he was more often than not sat on a computer in the corner with headphones on. Well he could do that at home!

For some dc with additional needs there is simply no suitable provision, special schools are not always the solution.

The kind of "weird that kids can smell a mile off" tends to get kids bullied at school. Socially awkward home eded children are often being home eded because their social awkwardness has made it impossible for them to get an education in school. If only going to school would magically cure their social difficulties and help them to rub along with others and make friends! - but it doesn't. Proximity to others does not teach social skills.

Families that I know who home ed tend to be highly educated and are choosing to home ed for the same reason that another family might send their children to private school.

I haven't met any rubbish home eding parents, but I am prepared to believe that they exist. Many schools are great and they are probably the best option for the vast majority of families. However, it has been shown time and time again that the biggest predictor of a child's success is not the school but the support they receive at home. In general I think Home Eders are just taking out the middle man.

I'd wonder which camp you fell in to, the ones who are doing it as it's the best for their child (normally with some SEN that the school can't cope with) or if they are the camp who are doing what's best for the parent.

I've met a lot of adults who were HEed as DCs. Some are doing amazingly, all found the world of work and office politics hard to get their heads round, and often failed miserably at that side of things for a few years.

All are a little 'odd' and aren't great at conforming, which in some careers that's a bonus, but in a lot it's very limiting.

I'm with Craicdealer on this.

My thoughts are: weird parents who will prob end up raising weird kid because of their weird ways

Firstly, I'd assume the DC had some sort of SEN - autism/adhd for example. If the DC was NT, I'd assume possibly bullying to an extent that they'd had to leave mainstream and if that wasn't the reason, I'd assume parents with "alternative" views who felt able, even if not trained teachers, to educate their DC to an equal level. Hand on heart, I would probably feel sympathy for the DC if this last one was the case.

My first reaction: unless mum/dad is actually a teacher then that child will probably be years behind/never get qualifications. I tend to think of them as 'soft' parents who have in to a child's excuses about not going to school OR crazy hippies that don't follow rules. I don't see how it can be a positive environment for socialisation or developing individuality (as they only have your influence).

In reality, I know full well that is not the case, but that's what comes to mind.

It was the wrong time for me to name change. Only did it yesterday and probably not helping the odd/weird HE parent image with this name!

I'm as normal as the next MNetter. Though that statement may not help my case.

Before we did it I assumed HE parents had superhuman energy and unlimited finances but that the flexibility sounded nice

Then we were forced into it for one DC due to huge problems with schooling. That DC is now happily in a great school but another of my DC is now HE through choice. It only works because I freelance anyway. Best possible choice for that particular DC who is taking IGCSEs and also gets to spend far more time on advanced creative activity than would otherwise be possible.

I only ever had all DC HE at once for 18 months. It was rather wonderful mayhem

That sounds horrible couldn't blame you for he him. Btw I have to say to those people going on about ADHD...I'm sorry but it's not that bad I had it and I managed at school no problem. Op it's a shame you don't get the chance to share your story with more people before they make the snap judgement x

@ Odd

I'd never do it, I love my days at work and giving that up would be very hard for me. I'd assume the family was well enough off to afford a SAHP to begin with (which is where the narrow range of society thought come from) and that the parents maybe didn't enjoy their schooling and are a bit 'alternative' which is why they've chosen to do this. I'd wonder how well educated the children were in science in particular once they were teenagers, I think that would be hard for most people to teach unless they were working scientists.

But DH and I did very well in formal education and so far our DC seem to be thriving so it's not an issue for us. I can see why with SEN and a school that has failed you home ed might be better. But of the people I know who have done it haven't tried school education and in that situation it seems a bit precious.

You do know it's perfectly possible to go to school and have hippy 'weird' parents don't you? (No specific You, just the ones cheerfully rolling out the cliches) I speak from experience here, my upbringing was weird by many standards! I can still pass myself off as a respectable middle class mum when I really must though.
It seems odd and slightly dull to insist that every child must end up the same. The HE children I know have sat igcse's using the Cambridge syllabus and are doing well enough for us to have considered the same option when we looked at it.

I have to say even though I am a home educator myself my reaction isn't always positive.

The extremes that people worry about - the lentil hippy weavers whose kids run riot and the tightly controlling fundamentally religious are out there. BUT the vast majority of us are 'normal' people who fall in the middle.

There are a whole host of reasons why people home ed

• Tried it and it didn't work
• SEN support in many areas is no sufficient
• Square peg round hole
• No access to a 'good' school
• Just don't feel that child is ready at 4. Intend to put them in later (but don't always).
• Ex teachers (and this is quite a BIG proportion of those of us who HE NT kids from the start)

In my case I trained as Primary School teacher but dropped out of university in disgust about 2 years in, at the Government controls on how and what schools teach, imo the NC needs tearing up and dedicated teachers left to get on with it. I saw too many children being failed by the one size fits all education we have.

As to those who were saying about lacking subject knowledge... I needed 2 D's at A'level to get accepted on to one of the best teacher training courses in the country. I got a lot more than that and got a lot of stick for 'wasting' my skills but I desperately wanted to teach. There were some really dedicated people on my course that I have no doubt are out there being excellent teachers but there were also many who were doing it as frankly they wouldn't have got the grades to do anything else. Teachers aren't experts they digest what is on the curriculum and trot it out, curriculum changes often involve a lot of study. At university most of my education on 'education' was about classroom management, skills that don't really apply when you are engaging one on one. We get by with general knowledge, me learning and researching alongside, use of quality curricula where I just need to read a few pages ahead so I can answer any questions ahead, the fact that dh has very different interests to mine so we are a good balance and use of tutors (foreign languages/sports coach/music).

I now have one in school, we started off that we would do it to junior school as believe school starts too early in this country and then regularly reassess with the kids. Oldest started school at 10. Academically he has slipped, socially it suits him, he's a team sports run with the pack child. We did those things but not to the extent he wanted.

Youngest is more a close friends/small group type and struggles with the noise/behaviour at Cubs at times. He has a good social life home ed wise and we generally spend about 4 hours a week learning alongside others in groups (I think it is important), at least 1/2 day on a field trip often with at least one other family and frequently a taught classroom style workshop with 20+ other kids. Not the same 20 kids every time so they are used to missing with all sorts. Plus the just social stuff. We see people probably 4/5 days most weeks. Often I don't attend activities with them I drop and go as think time away from each other is vital.

Home ed is certainly not a utopia. Socialisation is an issue for us at least. We live in an area with a thriving home ed scene and could be out with others constantly, but finding people that you gel with is not always easy. DS2 has quite a few good friends (and a very varied bunch they are), DS1 wanted a large enough group of similar aged kids to kick a football about with which we struggled with. Plus socialisation is more about learning how to rub along with people that are not your best friends and taking turns, sharing ideas etc, opportunities for this require bit of organisation (although is doable but is hard work). Finding that vital time apart (we do need it) was harder when they were young and not able to go to clubs/out to play alone. For us though we have so little faith in the system and even having DS1 happy in school has far from convinced us (more hardened resolve!) that as imperfect as HE is it is better than the alternative.

Sorry that was a very long response and not supposed to be read as a justification of HE/criticism of teachers (really not that!), just a personal perspective from one of those weirdos home home ed NT children from the start .

Instinctive response? 'Poor kid'.