To wonder, as a bloke, why sexist lads still seem to attract women

[fishdishwish]

I'd really hate this to sound like a 'Nice Guy' whinge, but I still baffles me as to why some girls & women are drawn to this type.

The nice guy (TM) is the other side of the Twat coin - ostensibly inputting to gain a sexual/romantic output. It's not respectful and is as bad for viewing women as two dimensional accessory devices.

Most nice men realise the same as nice women - some people are different, some people are twats and some people have reasons they are conditioned to type. Ime.

Shock horror — misogyny still rife.

Because we like to think we can change them

Plus, in the right circumstances, they can be very sexy!!!

But, on the brighter side, we may be drawn to them we never actually stick with them.

Most of us marry the nice guys in the end

No idea. Sorry.

I don't know. I assume there will be some theory to explain it, maybe about how women are conditioned in many ways to think that a Man should be this that and the other that are actually quite negative characteristics. Or that what is arseish can come across initially as confidence or strength of character which is always sexy and it's not until later that they truly reveal themselves as wankers.

However, I would say that although some women appear drawn to arseholes the reality is that people do actually want to be with a nice person. Nobody wants to choose a twat over a great person! It's how the twat presents themselves that gets you.

I suppose also it depends what is meant by 'nice guy'. Is 'nice guy' truly just a nice, decent bloke, or is he unassertive or clingy or with daft ideas of romance (which is not the same as actual romance ) , or overly Gentlemanly (which is patronising and offputting).

to me, a nice bloke is one who understands you are his equal and shows that day in day out in every aspect of his relationship with you, who is intelligent and articulate, who is attentive but not overbearing, who doesn't do the little woman crap, etc etc.

Just put yourself out there. Be laid back, friendly and let people get to know you. Don't get hung up on nice guy v twat or the negativity of thinking that women want bastards (not true) Just focus on yourself.

Men have the same problem of weeding out the dross before you hit gold.

This is a class/education thing in large part isn't it.

I have never been drawn to sexist, time-wasting dull-arse arseholes.

Funny is good, I have to say. Funny is very good. If I can have some craic with someone, it goes way, waaaaaay further than the contrived 'bad boy' trope.

HTH.

oh yes, funny is essential. I could go without so much, but funny is non negotiable.

I mean intelligent humour, not knock knock jokes and pulling faces, of course

I don't know either fishdish!

Women can be sexist too. Perhaps like and like attract, and you're dodging a bullet there.

Or pulling fingers. That is not funny.

I don't think it's necessarily a class/education issues, AgaPanthers. I've seen plenty of intelligent, middle-class girls go for Liam Gallagher types (showing my age a bit there though, I guess...!)

(Actually, I have to confess, if a woman did the finger-pulling thing on me, I'd find it really funny!)

Pull my finger is not funny. Don't make me do my Mum Stare on you.

Because women can be bellends too, best you can hope for is that they attract each other and it saves two other people.

Well sexism comes from the idea that the other is lesser, meaning you (male or female) are better. This gives you a confidence, an air of superiority, arrogance. And we all know confidence, and even arrogance is sexy. We are drawn to confident people who are sure of themselves. I mean if they are confident enough to say they are so great then they must be, so lets find out. Right?

because some women are twats?

I don't think most of us marry the nice guy in the end. There are many women out there who are conditioned through life to just accept men who are twats. They probably don't even know they are being treated badly or without respect. It is what they are used to.

I am sure the same goes for some men.

Sometimes these twats find each other.

Also - there are some people who act like a twat in public but are generally nice and lovely in private, aren't there?

You see what I mean though, right?

Funny is good, and it can overcome a lot of other, ahem ... obstacles. :)

also, any port in a storm. DP is lovely and thank the stars that I didn't settle for any of the others that came before (he really is the greatest human being that was ever popped onto the planet), but I have been out with some astonishing dickheads on the basis of 'oh well, shag's a shag, he's better than nothing for now'

What SingleSuzie said.

(quakes at the prospect of Hecate's Mum Stare)

Because people aren't as one-dimensional as 'nice guy' or 'sexist pig'...

I think a hell of a lot of people are generally ok but occasionally twattish.
And others are totally twattish but do a good job of hiding it.

There's really no such thing as a 'nice guy'.

Personally, I find self-confessed 'nice guys' want to 'look after you' and 'treat you properly'....which is an equally sexist attitude and gets old fast. I wouldn't want to date a doormat.

Because even the most arseholeish bloke on the planet can have something that appeals to the right woman?
Having dated the sexist pig and married the nice bloke I look back now and most of the time wonder what the hell I saw in a 'man' who thought that women were there to worship the ground he walked on and frankly treated me like shit. He had women throwing themselves at him throughout what was laughingly called a relationship, usually in front of me!
Other times I can see why I went for him. He's an intelligent articulate man with a cracking sense of humour, all of which appeals to me personally.
Fortunately DH has those qualities but treats me like an equal.

I should add, my DH doesn't really fit into either category. He is a 'nice' person, whatever the hell that means, he is considerate, but our relationship is an equal partnership.

He also occasionally comes out with some right sexist shite, but doesn't live by it and it promotes interesting discussions rows. (Like being appalled when DSis wanted to give the baby her second name).