To be sad that Ds, 8, has been told about sex by his school mates

[balenciaga]

Or possibly being massively naive tbh. As I was only 9 or 10 when I heard about it in the playground and that was the late 80's!!

Anyway he asked me where babies come from on the way to school this morning and I started to explain to him in basic terms (whilst CRINGING) and I just got the feeling he already knew so I asked him and he said yes he knew

Just feel sad I suppose that another part of his innocence has gone. He already doesn't play with toys anymore, it's all about his Xbox, wwe wrestling, mine craft and his phone. (Btw the phone only has games on it, he can't call / text / go online)

Also I am shit at explaining things and I don't know if I've explained it very well to him and the last thing I want is to confuse him or make him feel like there's something embarrassing / wrong about sex...as my dm was awful at telling us about sex and somehow made me think it was embarrassing, wrong and shameful. and tbh it had the opposite effect as I went out and did it at 13 and slept with absolutely loads of boys (and men) before I was even 18. And tbh I still now have issues around love / relationships etc

I just want my dc to feel "normal" about it, and understand it properly, so any advice would be very handy right now. And any suggestions of an age appropriate book we could get him maybe?

Why didn't you tell him first to normalise it? Now it's taboo playground gossip.

balenciagia....I want to be gentle here, it sounds like you want all the right things, but honestly, my kids have known the basics of this since they were tiny.

Its to protect them, so they know what's ok and what isn't.

If you are struggling there are great books out there, but I strongly believe our kids need this info, certainly by age 8.

There's a massive difference between knowing roughly what happens and any loss of innocence. Actually, good knowledge here correlates to late age of loss of virginity.

I never understand why learning about sex is seen as 'losing innocence' - seriously, I don't.
He is just the same boy he was before he found out.

Fwiw, my DSs1 and 2 were much younger because DS3 and 4 came along and Questions Were Asked - and answered.
They were totally unfussed about being told how it all worked and quite bored tbh.

I think, yes, this is your issue and not his.
There are plenty of book out there explaining puberty and sex and relationships to quite young kids and I think they are helpful. I'd much rather my boys heard all this stuff from us than from the school yard were 80% of the information is wrong.

Also, they do grow up quickly: DS1 has just turned 11 and has a very obviously changing body with pubic hair and everything , so I am glad he know about things before they started happening.

YANBU but it's normal....as for the playing...does he go to Cubs or anything? He would benefit hugely from that as it's very play orientated and fun.

If you are really after ways to talk to him about this, and book recs, this possibly isn't the right part of the forum, tbh. If that's what you want rather than a debate, I'd consider asking for it to be moved.

What's happening to me? - we liked this book

He might be too old for this?

Oh and knowledge of sex has nothing at all to do with not wanting to play with toys, IMO.

If you tell little kids about it gradually it just becomes a bit of information about what adults do.

As I say, my kids have known this stuff for about as long as they've been asking questions, and I promise you they still played with toys til a normal age! My 11 year old will still spend a day playing lego.

Talking about sex to kids does not make them want to experiment with it. Its just information to them.

I found the Usborne book Facts Of Life to be very good at explaining things to my 8 year old DD. It covers girls and boys.
My DS found out a lot when he was a bit younger than yours from older brothers of his friends. I didn't find it sad, just bloody irritating tbh as most of what he got told was inaccurate! Had to do some damage limitation and made me resolve to get in there first next time.

You need this, deep breath and a sense of humour. It's bril!

www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=mummy+laid+and+egg&tag=googhydr-21&index=stripbooks&hvadid=25763265896&hvpos=1t2&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7493280400569912993&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_7nkdtu2kla_b

YABU no feel all silly and precious about it in a away, but YANBU in another- your feelings are your feelings and they are valid.

Have one of these {grip}

This is only this first of many events that will make you cringe but learn to either cope or pretend you are coping for the sake of your DS>

This is why parents do well to get in first with their explanations and question answering - telling the 'facts of life' should not be a great big sit-down-and-explain session with blushes and euphemisms (which it was for me, age 11, with my parents, and jolly awkward it was too!). With my own kids, they just gradually knew as they grew older....leading to DS's expressions of surprise at the finer detail aged about 5, when his older sister, said, 'yes, it really is true - and guess what, mummy and daddy have done it three times !!!'

('Cos with three kids, you only do it three times, of course....and I used that occasion to say that it's such a nice thing to do, sometimes people do it without actually creating a baby!)

Yeah it's silly I shouldn't feel like this. Can't help it though although now I feel like a shit mum

I should add he already knew the basics from 4 or 5, ie how a baby grows inside a mum, how it develops and how it comes out. it's the mechanics of how a baby initially gets IN that I hadn't told him about ie where everything goes etc which is what he wanted to know today. And, it turns out, what he has been told at school.

Theas I thought that book was more for infants? Sort of 5-6 year olds?

OP it's a good thing that he knows...it's nature and it's fact. Children who have no knowledge are more vulnerable for all kinds of reasons. He will be 9 next year I assume and then some of the girls in his class will start developing....it's shocking how fast it happens today. Much faster than it used to...so he needs to know the basics really so it's not all overwhelming when talk turns.

Ah, don't feel like a shit mum - the fact that you care about it suggests you are not

My older 2 are being shown the school's 'sexual health film' this week and they are disgusted and will Never Have Sex Evah!!
So no worries there then.

You are not a shit mum, don't do that. Kids don't come with manuals and despite the cool assured posts you get on here we are all muddling through the best we can.

I've always gone on asking them how they think something happens when they ask one of those questions so I can tailor my answer on that. I don't think those arse sweating talks are necessary. Well not until they're teens and they do the arse sweating

The fact he can ask you is a good thing.. I couldn't ask my mother anything from a young age.

Yes, just responding to questions is a good way to go without it becoming to excruciating - answer the question, no more, no less.

I have 4 boys, they know I had some early pregnancy losses, so are utterly disgusted that we must have had sex 8 times

They'll learn…

I am eternally grateful to my parents that they did a good job about telling us about sex (I cannot remember having having been 'told', it seems like I always just knew) but simply giving us information as questions cropped up.
It sounds like you do had a rougher time of it and you are addressing that with your own DS, so are breaking that particular circle. That is the exact opposite of a shit mum IMO

You are not a shit mum.

The thing I found helped was not making it into a big deal. It's just, well it's just life, isn't it. Just one of the many many things they learn as children.

I think if you are feeling embarrassed talking about it, you kind of have to fake it til you make it IYSWIM.

Don't make it into a big deal, you don't have to sit down with a book or whatever and say right, now I'm going to tell you about sex.

I've found that it's really important for them to think it's ok to ask you stuff about their bodies and sex and emotions without thinking you are going to be embarrassed.

Mine are 16,15 and 10 and some of the stuff the older ones talk about or ask for advice about shocks me a bit sometimes but I have perfected the calm, non judgemental persona which means they know it's ok to ask me stuff that I would never have asked my dm.

You should make sex a more normal part of your conversation I think. I would use any excuse to discuss different aspects of reproduction / sex / bodies changing with my three, just a tiny bit at a time, so it becomes a normal part of life, and not too embarrassing.

The idea that knowing about sex=loss of innocence is left over from Adam and Eve being thrown out of the Garden of Eden. There are a lot of worse things than sex for kids to find out about; for instance: cruelty, bullying, and narrow mindedness, and then there's war, global warming, slavery, factory farming, bigotry and racism.

I think kids lose their innocence when they realise that not everyone loves and is kind to them.

Sorry, I know I might sound a bit silly, but I really feel that by 8 you should talk to your kids about sex, including homosexuality (not necessarily the mechanics of gay sex, but the idea that some people are in love with same sex partners) and quite a lot of the biology and also some talk of the emotional side of sex.

Try not to beat yourself up, you can't go back and change things. Do as others have advised, get a book, sit down and go through it a bit at a time. Bring things into every day conversation, periods, changes to the body etc.

My DD and DS are 8 and 10 and have never shown the slightest bit of interest in any of it, never asked a single question about why their bodies are different or how babies get into tummies, so I have had to take the initiative on this, the first few attempts I couldn't get them to show any interest at all, so I had to persist and will have to persist as we go onwards into more detail. It's not loss of innocence, it's just part of growing up like so many other things.

That's a good point, gamerchick.....OP's ds feels able to ask.

I was never told 'you can't ask us questions about 'x, y, z' but I certainly 'knew' I couldn't!

I was burning with curiosity about all sorts to do with body matters and sex itself, but the idea of asking my parents was anathema. I guess at some stage I must have asked a question and got the brush-off, or been told something I knew was rubbish.

I think Mummy laid an egg is great for anyone! Yes it's simple and easy to read, but for an 8yr old who might not know much then its clear and not a all heavy. The sequel " hair in funny places" is also great.

Don't feel like a shit mum! like you said, you'd already told him most of it, it was just the actual mechanics of getting the sperm in there that was left. Let's face it, although potentially embarrassing it's fairly easy to explain.

I found it harder to explain the emotional side of sex. I didn't want to say that only married people do it, as that was plainly ridiculous as he was best man at our wedding . I ended up saying that sex could be a lot of fun but that you have to be very careful about who you have sex with as it tends to lead to feelings of love for the other person etc etc.

Yep me as well tictok your kids being able to ask anything they want is a really good thing. Everything else is just gravy.

I bought the Osborne What's happening to me book for girls for my 8 year old dd1 a while back. Both her & her younger sister knew about sex before that but I found it helpful with regards to body changes, periods etc. The one focusing on boys is supposed to be very good.