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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD daughter being bullies now I am being threatened

33 replies

almosthuman · 10/06/2014 22:17

My DD is 12 (year 7) and from the onset of starting secondary school she has been constantly bullied by another girl same age. The bullying so far has included the usual name calling, threats to hit my dd, shoving my dd, threatening to get someone else to hit my dd the list goes on and on.

My dd is not the only pupil to have suffered this abuse the bully is very well known. My dd doesn't have any classes with the bully and for some reason (possibly because my dd is in the top sets and the bully is in the lower sets?) seeks her out.

My dd has reported the bully and I also when I saw some bruises from being shoved against a wall. The bully has had several isolations and detentions however these appear to be totally ineffective as she just carries on.

I have just finished a double shift to be told that the bully is now threatening to hurt my mother and I as well as to smash my windows. I am certainly not afraid of a 12 year old bully however this is upsetting for my dd.

Would it be unreasonable to go directly to her parents, I don't know them but it wouldn't be too difficult to find them and have it out with them or do I again report this to the school? what would you do?

OP posts:
HappySunflower · 10/06/2014 22:19

I wouldn't contact the parents, but I would call the police.

nostress · 10/06/2014 22:20

Look at the schools policy on bullying, then complain the the governors

MammaTJ · 10/06/2014 22:24

I was aksed when my DD was being bullied why I didn't go to the mum. I replied that the bullying comes from somewhere. Years later, I was proved right. The mum would have beaten the living daylights out of the child and she would have continued to 'pay it forward', so to speak.

I think the school, then police if they do nothing is the way forward.

123rd · 10/06/2014 22:25

Don't go straight to parents. You have no idea why they will be likeHmm I would tell the school and also advise them that you will be reporting to the police.

guitarosauras · 10/06/2014 22:25

What mama said.

Inertia · 10/06/2014 22:28

Report to Police.

Write to school headteacher and chair of governors, factually listing all of he bullying incidents and threats, tell them that they are failing to safeguard your child and that you have reported the threats to police.

Don't go to the other parents.

Hissy · 10/06/2014 22:32

Dear god no, not the parents.
You'd be potentially placing yourself at risk of harm, or prosecution yourself.

Take the school to task on this and insist that this matter is escalated to the police if need be.

IAmNotAMindReader · 10/06/2014 22:32

Police, it has escalated beyond a school matter. Leave parents out of it that will only muddy things. Call 101.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/06/2014 22:41

Police straight away!

Original poster
almosthuman · 10/06/2014 22:45

Thanks everyone for your reply's. I will hold off approaching the bullies parents as I may cause more problems. I am going to contact the police in the morning and ask for advice as I won't take this lying down.

I have emailed the school referencing their own bullying policy being inadequate and ineffective with this child and that I am reporting this to the police. Considering all this child has done to both my dd and others why the hell hasn't she been excluded?

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 10/06/2014 22:47

Police. ,you need to stop this now.

He other girl is over the age of criminal responsibility and is assaulting your dd. if a stranger did this in the street you'd call the police. If a colleague of yours did it to you you'd call the police. Don't let the police fob you off.

As a minimum they need to have a serious word with this girl and put the fear of God in her. Let her know that one more thing and you'll press charges.

MeMyselfAnd1 · 10/06/2014 22:47

If the police is as responsive as it is in my area, they will ignore your complaints until the bully send you to hospital or put something flammable through your door.

Go back to the school, and start recording every single incident so you can show police/school/governors that these are not isolated incidents or that you are the over worrying parent of an overly sensitive Kidman but there is a pattern in this girl's aggressive behaviour that requires their intervention.

MeMyselfAnd1 · 10/06/2014 22:49

God, hate the autocorrect! That meant to say that you are NOT the over worrying parent of a very sensitive kid but someone who needs help to keep this awful bully at bay.

Sigyn · 10/06/2014 22:51

Agree. Police.

Possibly inform school. I'd take police guidance.

Where is the school on this though? Why has this been allowed to happen/ Are they aware of what's going on?

Agree its assault and it needs dealing with. They are not 3 year olds.

So sorry your dd is going through this, it sounds horrible.

CatteLady · 10/06/2014 22:57

So sorry this is happening, your poor DD. Definitely Police. What awful people.

LavenderCakes · 10/06/2014 23:04

Please do make sure that you do kick up a big fuss with the school even if you decide to inform the police - this is the environment that the bully is acting out in and the school anti-bullying policy should be much much better. It may not be at exclusion levels yet (depending on school policy) so this bully may be at school with your child for a while, whatever the police do.

The normal heirarchy in the school for this sort of thing is Head of Year - Pastoral Deputy - Headteacher - Governors. Start with whoever you spoke to last on this chain of command and ask if you should speak to the next level up. Document all the incidents so far with dates and locations and send them a long list going up the heirarchy until you get action you are happy with.

Good luck. I'm so sorry your daughter is dealing with this.

Original poster
almosthuman · 10/06/2014 23:05

Thanks again for your kind words.

The school is aware and this bully gets at my dd when walking to different lessons and at lunch time, she also gets her friends to have a go at my dd whilst the bully was in isolation only last week for calling my dd a c**t.

I would love to confront her myself however I know that it would cause huge problems.

OP posts:
Original poster
almosthuman · 10/06/2014 23:11

I am in the process of putting together all the emails and other correspondence regarding the bullying, so far 13 emails.

I am going to phone the school tomorrow when on a break as have to be back at work at 6.30am and I will speak to the head of year. if I get no joy then I will speak to the Principle then onto the Governors. I just want the bully to leave my dd alone.

I know the bullying is having a toll as my dd is wanting to stay at home.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 11/06/2014 15:36

How did the phone call to the school go?

Chocotrekkie · 11/06/2014 15:38

Photograph the bruises as well.

CarmineRose1978 · 11/06/2014 15:40

If your DD gets any more bruises, take photos of them. you need to document every threat and every attack. The school isn't doing enough, so I'd definitely tell them you';re going to the police.

numptieseverywhere · 11/06/2014 15:42

can you move your daughter to another school?
I know you shouldn't have to, but it might be the most beneficial thing for your daughter after a full school year of dealing with that bully.

SquinkiesRule · 11/06/2014 16:16

Moving the child being bullied to another school amounts to victim blaming. She has done nothing wrong it's the bully who should go elsewhere.
I hope you got some results from the police.
The girl who tried this with Dd has a parent on the board of governors, and is well known for getting physical, I'd never approach her as she's the one most likely to beat the shit out of another parent, even the school is wary of her.
Dd is bigger and it's known I've told her to hit back, also they know I will involve the Police in an instant. Someone must have said something to the girl and her family as suddenly it's all stopped and she gives Dd a wide berth.

Veins · 11/06/2014 16:34

Your poor DD.

numptieseverywhere · 11/06/2014 17:32

victim blaming?
No, I disagree.
I moved my very miserable eldest child to a new school when she was being bullied and there was clearly little the school could do. Exclusion doesn't happen unless they consider something very serious has happened.
I was bullied at school and nothing was done about it.
I have lasting scars from it.
My daughter is now very happy and settled in a new school (moved her 3 years ago)
It might be more 'morally correct' to wait and let the school discipline the bully, but sometimes the best solution (for the bullied child) is to move them.