WWYD daughter being bullies now I am being threatened

[almosthuman]

My DD is 12 (year 7) and from the onset of starting secondary school she has been constantly bullied by another girl same age. The bullying so far has included the usual name calling, threats to hit my dd, shoving my dd, threatening to get someone else to hit my dd the list goes on and on.

My dd is not the only pupil to have suffered this abuse the bully is very well known. My dd doesn't have any classes with the bully and for some reason (possibly because my dd is in the top sets and the bully is in the lower sets?) seeks her out.

My dd has reported the bully and I also when I saw some bruises from being shoved against a wall. The bully has had several isolations and detentions however these appear to be totally ineffective as she just carries on.

I have just finished a double shift to be told that the bully is now threatening to hurt my mother and I as well as to smash my windows. I am certainly not afraid of a 12 year old bully however this is upsetting for my dd.

Would it be unreasonable to go directly to her parents, I don't know them but it wouldn't be too difficult to find them and have it out with them or do I again report this to the school? what would you do?

I would speak to the parents, school, safeguarding, and then the police if I got no joy. It's an issue for the adults to intervene here - kids should not have to endure this kind of intimidation or be expected to sort it out themselves. They should be protected by the adults.

I also disagree that it's victim blaming. I was bullied horrendously and would've given anything to have been moved to a different school - I wouldn't have seen it as being blamed. If OP's daughter wants to be moved, I doubt she'd see it as victim blaming either.

My mum says she massively regrets not moving me to a different school when the bullying started in reception, because it escalated and escalated until year 7, when I finally went to a different secondary school to the rest of them.

I would contact the police and also tell the school, sounds like she'll have a criminal future ahead of her!. So sad for your DD and well done to her for being in the top-hope she stays there .

Police now... Hope you and dd ok x

Have a look onTHIS website & get to know your legal rights & what to REALLY expect from the school - not just what they make you think you should expect.

Sadly not all schools are equal when dealing with bullying & knowing your rights can help

That said, having been the parent who felt it was a far better life lesson for my own DD to fight & win when it came to bullying - & we did win - only for another bully to take over & another - because at the end of the day, the bullying went on in that particular school - because they were totally rubbish at tackling it - support the victim, but do sod all to stamp out the problem.

I eventually gave up & my DD is now in another school, & the atmosphere of respect for teachers & each other there is SO vey different, because they DO tackle bullying strongly - sadly I regret not doing it sooner as its had a massive impact on DDs physical & mental health & she's now under a psychotherapist after collapsing with anxiety related stomach issues after the panic she felt when she thought she might have to go to a high school thats worse than her old primary school.

Learn your rights, go in meaning business with the school, give them one chance to sort it out properly & if they fail - move her

& at that age, I would also think about speaking to the Police

good luck

Well thanks for all of your advice and kind words.

I met with the Principle and head of year 7, they have taken my complaint seriously and have spoken the girls parents. I am glad that I didn't confront the parents as they have taken the view that their daughter is being victimized and that they are going to complain to the governors and they have threatened that they will remove their daughter from the school.

The bully has been excluded from school for the rest of the week. I am not the only parent to complain about this child today as she was reported for spitting into another pupils face.

DD is happy and doing very well at this school so will for the time being will stay. Also we live in a fairly rural location and the only other school within 20 miles in under special measures.

I spoke to the police however it is my daughter's word against the bully regarding the threats so little they can do.

Well here's hoping the other parents will remove their horrible daughter from the school. Spitting in another child's face yuck ! Sounds like the school are taking it seriously, hopefully they stay like that.
Good luck, hope your DD continues to be happy and do well despite everything. Keep us posted with everything.

Well here's hoping and now you know what the parents are like too. Hoping they can get it sorted for your dd.