Man outside Mcdonalds asking for money!!!

[salsmum]

I went for a scan yesterday and it was confirmed I have very painful gall stones having had no cuppa for 6 hours and little food we stopped at Mcd for a drink n snack....a man was stood outside and approached my DP for money for some food..my DP said he only had a card and later when I asked my DP how much money he showed him in his hand my DP said he said he was 89p short for a meal EVEN THOUGH he clearly had 2 £1 coins in his hand...I myself know what it's like to struggle and at times we still do BUT Aldis was a spit away and even if he wanted a Mcds I'm sure he could have got a drink and small burger for just over £2/£2.50 do you think IABU to say that he should 'cut his cloth accordingly and settled for an alternative to his 'make it large meal?' I thought it was quite cheeky.

Horrified by the OP on this thread and the number of people who have been homeless.

ilovesooty Tue 10-Jun-14 23:44:51
All this spiel about your difficulties and your good deeds doesn't result in your posts being any less unpleasant...Thank you for that comment! I put that comment up there so that people do not think that life isn't/hasn't been hard for me either because I did not want my critics (of which there seems to be plenty) to think that I was a person who has always had a life free from hardship either not to score brownie points nor for sympathy!...can I please now have the address of all you lovely people on here so that when I'm wanting a meal,heating money for my daughter or any other handout I can come and knock on your doors personally and ask each and every one of you for a £1..please do not be suspicious, take me on face value....so can I just get this right...I make a judgement on a person asking me for money who I do not know????that is wrong BUT
if you are on MN you can come on here and make nasty comments judging me a person you don't know???? As I said already NOT everyone who asks for money in a town not known for homelessness (but has lots of 1 bed accommodation) is genuine and can make a good living outta asking folks for money.

I'm reading this thread and changing my opinion with almost every post.

I don't give to beggars because the council here tells us not to as it undermines strategies for getting people off the street (i've paraphrased - I'm sure they put it better than that). Maybe I'm naive but I believe the council are saying this because they think it's the right thing to do (I'd probably be a bit more suspicious if we had a Tory council). However, it does go against my natural instinct to help those less fortunate than me, but I take the advice to donate centrally to a charity.

I work in an area of the city where a lot of alcoholics/drug users congregate and in the 10 minute walk from my office to my car I will be asked for cash at least twice. If I go out at lunchtime it's much worse. If I gave 1 every time I was asked it'd be 100 per month easily.

I don't know where I stand to be honest.

I'm well aware that beggars will odd on be spending any money they get on drugs/alcohol but I also think who am I to judge - they're obviously in an awful place and if I'd made 1 or 2 wrong decsions, maybe that could have been me. But, the council's stance that giving to beggars actually traps them makes me think the best thing I can do is say sorry and move on.

I actually think there's no right answer on whether to give or not give so in some ways the OP has had a bit of a bashing, but I do think the OP was unnecessarily harsh and unfeeling which probably explains the bashing.

I hate this. It's like people who buy a wholesome snack for beggars in case they spent the money on alcohol. If someone asked me for the money for a can of Special Brew I would give it just as much as for a lentil sandwich or a Big Mac. Giving money with conditions is patronising.

What whynowblowwind said

I don't really understand. Someone asked and you said no. It's up to you. I would've said no too. I would've got all hand wringy about drugs and scam artists and wondered if I was just making excuses for my meanness but I don't really understand the problem with asking or why you can't see that (if he was telling the truth) he wanted a big McDonalds rather rather than a small one or some cold food from Aldi where he couldn't sit down. It's a no brainer.

If I have a McDonalds I won't eat for the rest of the day. I don't agree that they aren't filling and you get a lot of calories for your £.

Your op is a bit confusing... Am I right in thinking the guy wasn't homeless at all; just fancied a burger and didn't have enough cash so decided to ask someone to sub him?
It's an unusual thing to do, certainly, unless you're desperate.

I think that the op is getting a bit of an unnecessarily hard time.

She is coming at the whole thing from a different perspective to most of the rest of us, thank God.

She knows what he could do to help his situation, more than most.

But op. Even though he may be much the same situation as you, at the end of the day, he is not you and never will be. He may not have the same mental capacity fro example.

And even though Aldis was almost next door, he may have wanted something hot? And a sit down or whatever?

But yes you are right in that he may not even be genuine.

We shall never know probably.

All this helps show why we should not judge people. Rarely does anyone know all the facts about someone else.

I rarely give money to people on the street anymore. In the town center where i live there vare around 10 regular 'homeless' people begging outside of shops.

after spending most of my teenage years being homeless i sympathised and would give what i could. I remember giving one guy and his dog ( they all seem to have dogs, some have 2 or 3 of them) £5 a bottle of water and a banana left over from lunch. I felt good for the rest of the day knowing he would at least have something to eat that day.

Driving home a few hours later i spot a familiar dog and slow down to take a look. this 'homeless' guy i had pitied just hours earlier was suddenly sporting perfectly white new nike trainers. a decent clean thick coat and jeans. the dirt had vanished from his face and he was smoking a cigerette and texting on his iphone. i knew it was the same man because he had his bag on his back that is usually sat beside him on the streets.

Now i only give bottles of water and fruit if i can. It doesn't matter how much change i might have in my pocket i refuse to give money anymore.

I was just thinking - if I wanted some cash for whatever, standing outside McDonalds might be a good move. People might assume that I literally needed a burger and feel sorry for me.

tell a lie i gave a pound to some the other week but thats the first time in years.

I don't generally give cash. If i'm getting food or a drink and thats what they ask for I will, sometimes, offer to buy them some along with mine - when i have the money. On couple of occasions I've been told no,
I'll just have the money.

I understand that some may see this as controlling but I don't want to fund other activities.

I have been the victim of drug related crime and its had a significant effect on my life and that of my family. I struggle with people funding drug and alcohol abuse. I feel it funds the addiction. I don't think ignoring is the answer either.

I lived in Bath quite a few years ago and because the issue had become quite significant there were signs up asking people not to give money. In almost every shop there were donation pots with explanatory leaflets about the issues and the money went to local homeless charities. It felt much better putting money in those pots.

All that being said I do sometimes just give a bit of change because its easier than trying to be social judge and jury

I think for me, the thing is it's reminding me of all the 'you shouldn't buy wine/chocolates/ice cream on benefits! You don't need wine/chocolates/ice cream!' attitude.

The man had a couple of quid. That may have been all he had in the world, it may not, but that money, at that moment, was his. He says he wanted the 'luxury' of a slightly bigger meal. I don't think it's unreasonable not to give the money at all, but judging him for wanting a slightly bigger meal - that doesn't sit well with me.

floggingmollysorry to confuse but will probably get flamed again for saying no he did not 'look' homeless, his clothes ( a white shirt) was clean and he certainly didn't have rucksacks/sleeping bag.. etc etc with him/around him/under him...maybe if he did I would have actually believed that he was indeed homeless and I would have helped (as I have done before when I've seen them in the big cities) perhaps that's why I was suspicious in the first place...now I will probably get a flaming saying that I am 'generalising' and not everyone who is homeless looks homeless...damned if you do!! but I did not say he was homeless others maybe have assumed he was?????

'Its always for heroin or alcohol'

I think if I lhad to sleep on the streets i would need heroin and alcohol!!!

I always give a quid to anyone begging

I just don't get the judging of the OP. She hasn't said anything out of order that I can see. She didn't want to give the man money to 'upgrade' his MacDonalds and said she thought he was 'cheeky'. The fact she mentioned an Aldi close by IS relevant. I probably wouldn't have given him any money either. So what!

I can't see why she is getting such a roasting.

.

I'm with you Salsmum - you'd think he'd just buy what he could afford - a drink and small burger.

But why start a thread?

Actually. Ignore that.

Start more.

I'm bored.

THANK YOU HesGotStyle and Animation that's exactly what I meant..we would all desire to shop in the 'best stores' but as stated already I myself had just been in Aldi's rather than Morrisons that day because I didn't have the money for Morrisons prices..there is the relevance, when times are really hard you buy what you can afford (thus the reason why I can no longer afford to shop in Tesco's,order online and don't have extra treats like nights/days out and holidays....NOT SOB STORY,NOT 'SPIEL, FACT!...

I used to volunteer for a local Welfare rights organisation.

We used to have homeless people come in for advice. I have known terrible cars of people with LD's, many who have come through the residential system who the Council deny they have a duty of care towards.

We luckily have local charities that have washing facilities etc. I had one man come in who was reagulary being attacked (beating up a person who was down on his luck was a fashionable pass time, as was pissing on them), we were sorting out his benefits and directed him to this service.

He came in a couple of weeks later, the difference was amazing. Many people "in the know", SW's, Nurses, Doctors etc donate top named barely worn clothes, so those who are homeless can be wearing deceptive clothing, as well.

This keeps them safe. We used to have them come into our office, we let them sit for a while, we would be happy to give them water (of course) there were three regulars that we let phone family occasionally.

There are gaps in the services, likewise some are street dwellers because of addiction, but again there are gaps across every service.

OP, decide what you want to give, that is your right, but don't assume that the person is genuine, in which case, it's a mater of knowing how to use money effectively, if he was a piss taker, then no thought needed.

There isn't any need the think so deeply about this one incident.

i volunteered on a homeless shelter and never give money to people begging (food sometimes)

because most of it will go on drink and drugs.

I liked the people who I met on the shelter but giving cash is not good for them.

I see people gift cash on the underground to someone with obvious drug/alcohol problems and its the giver who is benefiting from the transaction. they look like they feel good about themselves and I think ignorant, self-satisfied twat.

many of these people begging grew up in children's homes/have learning disabilities and did not experience a normal childhood, properly cared for.

but giving them cash wont help their lives.

On another note, if that is the only food that you are guaranteed that day, it would make more sense to wait and get together enough for a bigger meal.

The op has never said that he was homeless. It is most of the rest of us that assumed he was.

So, in which case, he could literally just have been trying it on. hmm.