AIBU to make 12 year old DS (year 7) go to bed at 9 in the week? Quick straw poll....

[Kbear]

AIBU/YANBU please

should it be later? am I truly and evil witch? (my words not his lol, well not out loud anyway).

yabu 9pm seems very early for that age .

Dnbu x

The Y7 in this house has to have screens turned off by 8 (his wi-fi access stops at 8 which helps). He is always in bed reading by 9, but the actual lights-out time is variable. He needs much less sleep than most children his age (possibly related to his ASD/ADHD) and always has done.

I did some training on adolescent mental health recently and there was a bit about sleep in it. Apparently high school age kids should optimally sleep 9-10 hours going to bed late (around 11:30) and get up later. Obviously that's not practical as they'd be late for school everyday.
But 9 does seem a bit early for a 12 year old - what time does he get up??

Well, since it's you, absolutely bloody not! Tell him his 'godsister' was in bed an hour ago! (And she was always up the stairs by 9 at the latest)

My dcs go to bed early on school night
Dd Yr 11 - 9.30pm bed
Ds Yr 10 - 9.15 pm bed
Ds Yr 6 - 8.15pm bed

DD year 10 usually goes to bed at 10 on a school night and is up at 7.45. She stays awake on her phone/laptop until about 11 and doesn't get to sleep until about 11.30. But she doesn't need much sleep and has been known to go to school on 3 hours sleep :/

On weekends and school holidays she goes to bed and wakes up whatever time she likes although it's normally always in bed by 12.

I think 9 is too early for a 12 year old all the good tv shows start then

Thanks for your opinions - always good to hear other people's views

No Y.N.B.U. My D.D was put to bed at 9 when she was 12 and was allowed to read till 10. xx

Ds has a paediatrician and he said 11year olds should be in bed by 9pm.ds gets up at 630am.
nhs website tells you roughly how much sleep they should have.

After much faffing and showering and looking for stuff and getting uniform ready it's now gone ten and he's been in bed ten minutes! so much for my rules!!

Mine are in bed by 8 lights out at 8.30 on a school night - to be fair I do wake them before 7 though and they need sleep - they're 11 and 13.

At weekends they stay up until 8.45 and get up at 8. They clearly need a lot of sleep so we go with that and they do not complain.

I think you have the balance right and YANBU. Most teenagers do not get enough sleep and operate a chronic sleep deficit which will affect how well they do at school, so stand firm.

My three school age DC go at 8-8.30 on school nights. They are 7 and 9 in primary school, and 11 almost 12 in senior school.
That said, they stay up until they want to go to bed or get too boisterous/yappy on our nerves too much on non school nights. It usually ends up being around 9-9.30 for the youngest, and anytime up to 11ish for the older two, then they conk out
They understand that it's a trade off so to speak; sensible bedtime on school nights so they are rested and we aren't dragging them out of bed and running round like mad things to get them all ready in time, then at weekends they get the fun of staying up late, maybe watching something on tv/playing a game/having late supper etc.
Works for us

Yanbu

YANBU, if he has to be up at 7 that's about right (allowing for a bit of reading/faffing).

My DD is in yr10 now and obv is somewhat later than that now - DH has configured our router so that she can't access the internet after 10pm. she says some of her friends are online way later - but she has to be up at 6:30 and has enough sense (now!) to know she needs to sleep.

YANBU

Dd goes to bed at 9pm but as she doesn't get in the house until 7.30-7.45 sometimes it's 9.15 bybthectime she's got her stuff ready.

The Year 7 boarders at her school have a 9.15pm bedtime.

My dd goes to bed when she wants

Some nights she's in bed at half 10, sometimes not long after 8

She's up and in the shower every morning at 6.30 so I leave her to it

If she goes to bed too far in advance of being tired she will toss and turn half the night

I found that when she had a fixed bedtime she was staying up until that time even if shattered so this works better for us

Ds1, 14-Goes to bed at 10-10.30 (he's up before me in the morning

Ds2, 11- Goes to bed at 9.30 and nods straight off

Weekends and holidays they self regulate bedtimes.

9pm is the absolute latest I let my 12yo (13 any minute now) stay up. She's up in the morning around 6.45am for a 7.35am start at school.

9pm bed here for 12 year old.
Some very early risers here though..do your Dcs all start school early?. Ds gets up around 8.

DD has to be out door for school at 7:55am. 9pm nominally shut in her room but reality is she keeps yo-yoing in and out of her room for some reason or another. which can go on for an hour or more Drives me crazy & sometimes her light is still on at midnight. I don't like it but as long as she stops bothering me at 9pm & gets up to go to school without trouble I accept the situation.

Also, some nights DD doesn't even get home until after 9 because of clubs.

My two 13 year olds go up by 9 most nights, usually asleep by 9.30ish. They have to be up at 6.30, out the house by 7.30.

Although one of them has started preferring an evening shower to a morning one, but doesn't make that decision until almost 9pm