To not want to get too involved with school life?

[Pinkrosesarebest]

Just that really. My twin sons are in Reception. So we are only at the beginning of our school journey really. I will help out in the future I am sure but haven't so far. I always send in money when asked. However 2 mums talked very loudly near to me and quite pointedly today and said it's always the same ones helping out, signing up or organising PTA events. Surely it is a choice rather than an obligation?

"PTAs can have an important function too. Our Victorian primary school is falling down - we have danger signs erected by the council everywhere. One of the dads on the PTA attends a working group for PTAs and has highlighted this so that a facilities manager from the council has been to survey the building. We also had a long gap without a lollipop person and thanks to a campaign to lobby the council run by the PTA we managed to get a temporary road traffic officer for our dangerous, inner city school crossing."

I actually think that its pretty bloody shocking that kid safety is being left up to the PTA.

If that were the case in my school I would be going to my MP, etc, and kicking up a fuss.

I'd be going to the head, and the council, and anyone with a pulse.

I wouldn't be waiting for the PTA, I'm afraid.

redskyatnight I actually prefer your version of my name - sounds more comfortable.

Your parents don't go to a pub night? We must all be alcoholics in my neck of the woods

It is. Sadly the reality in a cash strapped inner city area though...

These things might have been resolved over time, but the passive emails we were getting from the council were taking far too long. Absolutely not the HT's fault. Parent power was more effective in this instance.

Pub night, another brilliant invention of the PTA in my kids' last school, where a majority of the kids were from muslim families.....

And actually sygn, that is exactly what happens. The parents, coordinated by the PTA went to local counsellors and the council and mobilised action. So the PTA were just coordinating - I don't really get your point?

I have never helped with anything , I either have commitments with my parents or my son with sn. I don't feel bad . To be honest I would be happy to join in if it were possible but refuse to be bossed around by the joiners . Some people love it some don't . Don't feel
Obliged ..

"I have to confess that i'm not, however, a huge fan of parent helpers going into their own child's classroom to help out on a weekly basis - sadly at our school, this always involves the same mums (stay at homes, they seem to have the most spare time to do this) and they do adopt a semi-official persona, saying hi to teachers on first name terms, telling me stuff about my kids in class that I would rather hear from a teacher, coming into the playground with their parent-helper badges swinging round their necks, and then feigning forgetfulness about dropping it back at reception. "

sugarhoops that is bad. I've volunteered at my kids schools as a reading helper, but they had a strict policy of not letting parents in their kids classrooms, which was tricky for me at one point with 3 kids. I think if it got back to the head that there was gossip they would be out of there fast too. I would never speak to a teacher on first name terms in front of my kids (except in one case where the kids called them by their first names). That is very unprofessional. FWIW I did it when I was also transitioning back up to full time when my youngest hit school age, and it really was just a way to give a bit back. In my kids' school there was a big divide, loads of kids who came from families where parents might not have been able to help with reading at home, either because they worked crazy hours or because they were not fluent English speakers (then this weird PTA-hive) so it felt like a way to help where it was needed.

Sorry re name Sarf

I don't think it's the alcohol that's the problem, more the having to socialise with other parents (any social events that are organised are very poorly attended). Plus lots of families have one parent who works in the evenings, so the one that doesn't work has to stay at home and look after the DC. I wouldn't get a babysitter to go to a PTA event either.

My point is partridge that I'm not clear that the PTA is needed for action to occur in that situation.

If I were a parent in that school, the lack of a PTA would not stop me rallying around other parents to do something. I don't think it shows a need for a PTA.

I think generally if parents can see that there is a need for involvement, they do get involved. I think that's a very different situation to "organise an overpriced squash stall so we can raise money for a slide.".

redskyatnight that's tricky then - all my 'creativity' exhausted. Hopefully someone will come along with some ideas.

People who work long hours in stressful jobs simply don't have the time. I'm on Mat Leave in a few months and if I have time I'd love to help out but when I am back at work, working all hours with huge stress, forget it.

Good on the ones who have time to help, I'd love to do it. But if people are pointedly saying 'it's always the same ones' to make others feel bad then YANBU. They have no idea what is going on in other people's lives.

I get the same pressure from church and it winds me up. A church mum said to me the other day 'yes, I think Father X knows who are the committed parents and who are just turning up every Sunday.' Yes love, you work part time in a shop, of course you have time to help out. Maybe you can do a week in my office (60 hours sometimes, plus weekend evening work after the kids are in bed) and then tell me you are really up for doing the flowers and joining committees!

Well for a start I (as the chair and with the consent of the parents in line with the data protection act) have everyone's emails and so was able to coordinate this in a way that nobody else could (the HT doesn't have the same remit and even if she did, why not take some of the load off her?). It couldn't have been achieved by talking to people in the playground.

It seems to be cutting your nose to spite your face to suggest that this shouldn't be a PTA coordinated activity. There was no coercion or queen-bee-ness involved. It was simply imparting information which people could chose to be part of or not .

redsky

"queenmab the noticeboard is immediately in front of you as you walk into the school. You will have to walk past it if you go to the school office, school hall, attend a parents evening, any school event or pick your DC up from after school activities or the after school club. You would have to try extremely hard to never walk past it. "

I don't do the school run.
I go there once a term if that.
This is the bit that people like you just don't grasp! No matter how many times you are told you just don't get that "mums" (always mothers) don't all have schedules that allow them to pop in and out of school in school hours!

And you say bits of the stuff are on the website - I promise you, judging by your skill at reading my posts, important bits are missing to those who don't get a chance to check in person. I promise you.

And the swimming lessons thing - really? What time were the swimming lessons? School hours? Is it surprising that most people have other commitments then - work or smaller children or just other commitments? Do you think that the majority of people with school age children go to the school every morning, wave them off, go and dutifully read the notice board, and then go home to put their feet up?

Or do they? wtf am I doing wrong?

'Must admit as a teacher it was the culture to dislike parent governors/PTA types.'
That's a bit rough, isn't it, Joffrey? I'll hold my hands up to falling victim to the PTA guilt-trip all by myself, but I was nagged by staff for weeks to put myself forward as a parent governor. Possibly to try to prevent the election of someone even less congenial than me, who knows?

I have a friend who is too scared to do PTA as the Queen Bees at her son's school are so rude and intimidating. The QB's love posting on FB about all of their hard work and making every fete etc into a huge drain for them to get kudos posts, but it really puts off people who may have considered helping out as they make it a spiky subject. It should be about the school, not a competition for the parents!
If they are already being pushy OP I'd steer clear. Maybe bake at home instead so you have something to bring in so that you can 'do your bit'?

Allhail - we could have an argument about who is busier than who but I'm a bit busy right now. Think I've made it clear that I was not expecting the majority of parents to step up to help as I do realise that they are fully committed elsewhere. I am targeting those who clearly do have a bit of spare time but can't be arsed!!

Its always the same mothers at our school but that's generally because

• They are SAHM's and have the time to contribute
• Through being at the school at drop offs and pick ups they meet the parents and get friendly whereas working mums just don't have that familiarity

Has anyone read Gill Hornbys The Hive - I think its very typical

PS - I just bought a (v. nice) cake for tomorrows cake sale. Its too nice to bash a bit and make out its my own, just hoping that's ok

The Hive is based at a ridiculously middle class school.
Not at all like my children's school or what I cans see of PTA!
Silly book though quite readable...

Sapphire Funny I thought the personalities resonated, then again my DC's are at a typically middle class school

It's amazing how easily people seem to take offence.
There are those who are offended that few people help out and there are those who are offended that others are getting on and organising something.

Can't we just agree that the work of the PTA raises useful money and our children get a benefit from the stuff the money raises.
I cannot believe the level of dislike that comes across on this thread for those volunteering on PTAs. Haven't you people got other more serious things to dislike and be offended by? And clearly, some PTA people get over involved and see the lack of support as a personal attack, which Im sure it's not in the main.

People are in different positions and have different feelings about helping out. We all need to recognise that. If we don't want to due to lack of time or inclination, that is fine. Isn't it still worth recognsing the useful achievements of the PTA. Isnt it totally mean spirited not to??

"It seems to be cutting your nose to spite your face to suggest that this shouldn't be a PTA coordinated activity."

Ah you misunderstand me partridge

I simply disagree that the PTA was necessary in that situation. I think in that situation the parents would have rallied round, regardless of any previous PTA involvement.

I think if you have a genuinely inclusive PTA then yeah, fine, let them co ordinate it. IF you have a genuinely inclusive PTA.

Wombat I think it depends how many times all of the parents and teachers are expected to grovel in thanks for each event... I think it's the martyrdom that makes it so unappealing to some.
Thankfully I'm not there yet as DD is still in nursery.

There should be no need to grovel in thanks.
However, with a lot of these things, it is surprising how few people express any thanks. It is this which surprises me. It is not the reason most people are involved, and it is unfortunate if a few require great shows of thanks.

I guess I think that saying 'thank you' is just manners really. I'm always surprised at how few people thank the bus driver, the cashier, the teacher who has waited with a child for a late parent, the Brownie leader, the Dad who runs the football team etc etc.
Even if we don't like the style of the people running these events, is it such a strain to thank them for their efforts?

I think if you like volunteering for the PTA then do it. No one's having a go because someone wants to volunteer. I can see how it would be a pretty good cv builder if you were a home with the kids long term, or might just be enjoyable. Totally, totally fine. And yeah, nice stuff comes from it. That's all fine with me.

What people are offended by is the implication that anyone who doesn't volunteer is in some way lazy.

Its not, or shouldn't be, essential to the school running. PTA fundraising is mainly for luxury items like play equipment, the extras, and that's how it should be.

Yet my experience is that those who don't volunteer publically are basically seen as freeloaders. Clearly, from this thread, judgments are being made about people not volunteering, about them having time and that if they have time, they really ought to donate it to the PTA because its for the good of the kids etc etc. It just feels very judgemental really, backing up everything I've seen in real life. That's where I have a problem.

To be honest, I think I do a lot more good with the volunteering I do do, and by spending time with my kids, than raising money to buy a slide. That's not me being a selfish lazy arse. Its me disagreeing with the PTA about how important it is that the kids have a slide compared to how important it is that other things I volunteer with get done.

In another person's case though, it might look remarkably as though she (because I agree its interesting how its the mums being attacked has a lot of time. But we don't know that. She might be struggling a lot more than we realise. For some people, especially if you've been out of the workplace, a committee meeting can be a bloody intimidating thing.

That's whats getting my back up, the judgementalness from some-not all-PTA types.

And it is being directed at women, and again I take issue with that. We're meant to hold down jobs AND volunteer AND do all the rest of the shit. No one ever looks closely at men's time and says "wow-he plays golf twice a week, why isn't he volunteering for the PTA?"

Why would you assume that anyone doesn't say thank you to the PTA organisers, just because, say, they think a donation system would be better?

I'd prefer a better rail network in my city rather than a load of crappy always late buses. I still thank the bus driver of whatever bus I'm on, even if they have been a surly git, and I make sure my kids do too.