to not want my boyfriend to stare at other girls

[hettiebaby]

Hi,
I'm looking for some advice I'm perfectly able to accept I'm being U if that is the case but I just think my boyfriend staring at other women when we are in the car on the way to our date night is awful. I'm next to him all dressed up, have made an effort to look nice and he's admiring other women without so much as a glance to me. I know I need to lose a few pounds but I think I scrub up okay. Its his birthday today and I don't want to ruin it so I thought I'd vent on here. Hrs so lovely usually so I hope it's a slip up, and hopefully I'm just being a bit precious. Is it okay to be annoyed or AIBU???

I suppose for me it depends on how discreet he is.

I occasionally look at other guys although when I am in the company of DH I do try to refrain but every so often there will be someone that catches my eye. In this instance I will glance and look away. DH usually catches me and passes some jokey comment as he is not affected by this and is confident in who he is as am I (If I catch him looking it doesn't bother me).

However if he is full on tongue lolling staring longer than 5 seconds passing comment kind of looking then that is not on.

Tell him how it makes you feel OP otherwise he will just continue.

Whilst I live in the real world and accept it's normal to look at other people, I think it's utterly disrespectful to do it whilst with your oh.

Surely people can control themselves

If you're on a date and he's doing it then he's not worth it. My DH will do it sometimes, I do call him on it sometimes. It's damn disrespectful to be so blatant.

It's very disrespectful. Some men do it almost as a reflex and I have told my DH that I don't care who he looks at when he's alone but if he does it when I'm present, I'll just walk off. He stopped because he knows I will.

I had one of those, OP. Used to make comments as well. I divorced him when he spent hours oggling our next door neighbour while I was feeding our baby!! When our son was 6 he asked me why his Dad made comments about women all the time - so he hadn't changed or learned to respect anyone, including his son.

Yanbu, in ten years I've never seen my DH do this. He probably does it when I'm not there, but he's respectful enough to not when I'm with me. Nothing more creepy when men ogle other women while even holding their partners hands. I would be very upset if I were you.

My XH did this for the 20 years we were together, despite me asking him to stop on numerous occasions.

He would do the full on stares with comments about boob size, clothes, shoes etc. Whilst he may not have been comparing me to them, it did nothing for self esteem. He knew I felt conscious about myself and in the end I know he did it to annoy me (one of the reasons he's now XH!).

You need to tell him how it makes you feel and that he needs to stop being so blatant.

If he doesn't, well maybe you need to ask yourself whether you can put up with it long term.

I used to have a boyfriend who would do this- truly disrespectful behaviour in my opinion and it really affected my confidence.

I have never seen my husband look at another woman in the years we've been together, or even mention finding someone attractive in front of me. Good job really as I have zero tolerance now after wanker ex.

I think it's a tricky one. I've been with someone who did it and made me feel like you describe OP. Alternatively I'm with someone now who I know notices others but I feel loved and respected and I know I look at people too. To me the difference is about safety, knowing I hold an honoured and respected place.

I also wonder if this is also an age thing. How old is your boyfriend? How old are you? How secure are you both in yourselves and in your relationship?

The shitarsewipe I was married to for 20 years (yes, the one who shagged my 'best friend') not only ogled other women, but would beep his car horn at them and leer out of the window, when the kids and I were in the car with him!

I have never seen my husband check out another woman either.

I wouldn't check out other men while in his company. It's just a respect thing for us.

Maybe you could get him these?

How often does he do it?

Dh has always done it, I eye up good looking guys.

I'm not pretty, DH isn't good looking, so it doesn't matter.

It only matters if you think of the people your partner is looking at as compertition. Neither of us do.

I once caught my dh having a good ole stare at a beauty in a cafe, he didn't know I was there though. If her ever did it when I was I would kill him.

YANBU. My now husband used to do this when we started dating, I think it was a habit as he still considered himself on the market (charming!). We discussed it, and he stopped doing it unless it's someone who really does stand out from the crowd and get people's attention.

Obviously we both look at other people, but there's a difference between glancing around and "people watching" and fixing your eyes on a particular person for more than a second or so.

I guess it's something I'm just have to put up with....he's perfect every other way just minor slip ups like today....yet if I look at anyone it's ww3

I teach my son that staring is rude. To look is normal, to stare is rude. Most grown ups know the difference.

Its so so rude. My nobhead ex did this too but it was a persistent eye flick. Like a perv twitch.
Ive never seen dp do this, he tends to look a bit uncomfortable around very good looking women, as if hes worried ill be upset.

Prev twitch

Perv

YANBU.Even when in a committed, monogamous relationship, people are attracted to other people. We can love our significant other half to death, but we are still going to find some other people attractive. Your boyfriend is not being unreasonable to find other people attractive, that's normal and to be expected to a certain extent. But, you do him the courtesy of pretending that isn't true, and he should do you the courtesy of being as discrete as he can. This obviously works both ways! He is being very selfish and unpleasant to gawp in front of you. If I were you I'd talk to him, explain that I didn't have a problem with him finding other people attractive, but with how, and the fact that he does, express that to you. If he doesn't alter his behaviour, I'd be considering why I was still dating a fourteen year old in a man's body.

Erm, you do realise you don't have to put up with that? You don't need to be with someone who doesn't respect you enough to not gawp at other women whilst with you.

Perv twitch. Nice.

I don't think DH does this? I know we both admire a guy running shirtless with a good set of abs and harshly judge pale or flabby ones. But I don't think he's ever checked out another woman while he's with me. If he does notice another woman it's something like "Ooh, she has pretty hair" or something like that. Most times I'm inclined to agree, as said woman did indeed have very pretty hair. But it's never a look up and down, follow her with his eyes sort of thing. At the end of the day, he's with me and there's a good reason for that. Another woman isn't a threat.

It does seem double standard to look and then flip when he sees you doing it. That's what would upset me more than just looking.

Personally I would either
A) dump him
B) check out other men while in his company. Ignore the WW3, if it's ok for him then surely it's ok for you?

Might get your point across.