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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is wrong for an 8yr old to be asked to say in assembly?

202 replies

gingerbiscuitandacuppatea · 09/06/2014 21:16

DD (age 8 in yr 3) is doing a UNICEF assembly soon about child labour. They are reading out some examples of children's experiences, like carrying rocks up a hill, looking after cows etc.

my DD's lines include

"She used to slap me and shout at me. One day she poured petrol over me and set it alight. I rushed to the sink and splashed water over myself so luckily I wasn't too badly burned. They gave me cream for my burns and locked me in my room."

Would you be happy about your 8 year old being given those lines? I'm not happy that she now knows about people doing something so horrible, surely children this age do not need exposing to this at school?

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 09/06/2014 21:37

No I wouldn't find this ok, it's very upsetting for an adult to read but a child has no way of making sense of this or understanding the context. It might be just about ok for them to have heard about it, but even then to be honest, I wouldn't draw their attention to honour killings or gruesome abuses of women around the world that are in the papers every week, even though I know they exist and agree as adults we must act on them. Children are relatively vulnerable and powerless, I can't see how acting out being a child who is poured petrol on and set alight is really a positive informational thing at all because they don't have as many choices as we do about what to do with the information (close the webpage, donate to charity, file it into our file of unpleasant thing not to dwell on and so on).

I don't get this- you need to be informed thing at all. How does it help small children in the UK grow up with better self-esteem, more positive outlook, more self-worth to see movies about the Holocaust or murdering child brides and so on? It is possible to talk through child labour or the Holocaust (I mention this as this always comes up in a similar context) without being presented with graphic images or indeed asked to act them out.

SylvaniansKeepGettingHoovered · 09/06/2014 21:38

Exactly, it's the starkness of it

And I'm assuming that as it's 'lines' for assembly then the OP's child will have to memorise the wording, or read it a lot of times beforehand, to actually read it out during assembly. Which is completely different to chatting with your child and making them aware of the ways of the world.

bonzo77 · 09/06/2014 21:38

Not sure. By this age I'd already had pretty in depth and graphic education on the holocaust. Done sensitively I think this is a good time to introduce these themes. How does your daughter feel? Does she understand the content?

wheretoyougonow · 09/06/2014 21:39

YANBU
lots of awful things happen in the world but my young child being told details about it won't change this. My child is sensitive and this would upset him.
They have all the time in the world to learn how shit the world can be. At primary school let them be children without the weight of the world on their conscious.

MarshaBrady · 09/06/2014 21:39

I wouldn't be ok with it.

Waswondering · 09/06/2014 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anonynony · 09/06/2014 21:41

I'd be ok with it, as said above, it's important.

TheFairyCaravan · 09/06/2014 21:42

I would not have had a problem with it. My two were reading newspapers by the time they were 8. I think it is very important that children are aware of what is happening to others who are less fortunate than them.

cornflakegirl · 09/06/2014 21:43

I think 8 is young for that level of detail. My just 9yo listens to the news, and reads stuff from various charities we support, so isn't sheltered from reality. But that feels a bit much.

But, if she's already learnt the line, and isn't distressed, I probably wouldn't say anything.

HerRoyalNotness · 09/06/2014 21:44

I have a 7yo who cries when he remembers his DB falling off a bench and cutting his head and bleeding. So no, I wouldn't want him to do this. There is awareness and there is age appropriate awareness, this level of detail, is too much for an 8yo.

capercaillie · 09/06/2014 21:48

I would be fine with it. DS is 7. We have discussed things like this and it's important for then to be learning about the world around them. Maybe find some other info and talk about it at home to make sure she's aware of context.

wheresthebeach · 09/06/2014 21:49

That would result in weeks of nightmares in our house (still growling over the fire drill of 'don't return or you'll burn' - accurate but she was five and it terrified her).

All sorts of horrible things happen in the world; finding out all the grim details can wait til they are older, its not for little ones.

Original poster
gingerbiscuitandacuppatea · 09/06/2014 21:49

They have been practising the play last week, but I'm not sure how much it has been spoken about. It isn't a class assembly, she volunteered to join the UNICEF group as a golden time activity back in September and has wanted to leave ever since, but says she isn't allowed to.

It is an assembly written by unicef. you can see the full thing here www.unicef.org.uk/Documents/Education-Documents/Resources-Documents/primary_assemblies_unicef.pdf on page 48

I know the world is horrible, and I was proud that DD wanted to join the Unicef group. She is a very caring child and learning about children's lives world wide is important.

But it is the imagery of this poor child being set on fire, that my daughter has to learn the words for, it is just too much for me.

Learning how lucky we are in this country to live as we do is good, helping children in other countries who are in need is important. But giving children this young such horrific images isn't needed to do this.

DD doesn't like the part she has to say and says it is really yucky and horrid.

She is in a junior school so yr3 is the youngest that will watch the assembly

OP posts:
wonderingifi · 09/06/2014 21:50

I probably wouldn't..I think they do need to know the realities of the world but not sure of the detail.

I have sheltered my 7 year old from the news as I find it too graphic but I am now encouraging him to watch newsround of CBBC as I think he does need to learn we don't live in Disney Land.

Passmethecrisps · 09/06/2014 21:53

If she doesn't want to say it then speak to the school and ask that someone else does it. All children are different and your dd is upset by it so shouldn't be made to continue.

PrincessBabyCat · 09/06/2014 21:55

Is this assembly something the parents will be at or is it just for kids? If it's for parents it seems like it's just laying it on thick for donations in the whole "it could be your child" sort of way. Either way it seems unnecessary to involve kids in something like that.

I'm on the fence. It's terrible that horrible things happen to children, but I don't think small children need to learn about it at an age when they can't do anything about it. They're not mature enough to fully understand the gravity and implications.

Original poster
gingerbiscuitandacuppatea · 09/06/2014 21:57

the assembly is just for the kids, no donations asked for, no parents invited.

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 09/06/2014 21:58

I would not be happy about this. I would also not be happy about younger children hearing it in the assembly.

Of course we, as adults and teenagers and older children need to learn that there is great injustice in the world. But I do not think that very small children, even eight year old children, need to be aware to that extent.

One of my children would have been deeply distressed for WEEKS if made to say a line like that, or even hearing a line like that. Distressing them is not going to end the suffering of the other children.

FinDeSemaine · 09/06/2014 22:00

I think my DD would genuinely be really upset. She has been worrying for weeks about WW1 day on Friday as she knows they will talk about the war and people being killed. She is also a caring child and gets very upset about eg homeless people, people in poverty, wars and death. Tonight in her bath she was asking me how people could spend money on getting their house painted when people are homeless and 'can't afford a carrot'. I think this is a horrible image to put in a young child's mind and I know that if DD were to have to say this, I would be spending months reassuring her that it couldn't happen to her and it's very rare and nobody she knows will ever have this happen to them etc etc etc.

However, is your DD actually upset? Yucky is a mildish word and perhaps she is able to distance herself from the realities of it a bit? If so she is doing well - it is a useful life skill and one I would really like my DD to be able to learn. I wouldn't be happy about her not being allowed to opt out of the group if it's not enjoyable for her, though.

Icelollycraving · 09/06/2014 22:03

I would not allow it. I think it is too graphic for an 8 year old.

harriet247 · 09/06/2014 22:05

I dont think this is appropriate in primary school at all. What age range of children will be there?

ubiquitousslug · 09/06/2014 22:06

I'd be happy with her reading it, understanding and knowing about it, but not about her reading it aloud for some reason.

In some sense she is play-acting being a child who is exploited and abused. Which I would not want.

ElBombero · 09/06/2014 22:08

Nope I wills not allow it, too young

LastTango · 09/06/2014 22:10

Because it's not right for an 8 year old to have in their mind an image of petrol being poured over a child and set alight. No need for such detail.

So, at 8 years old she has never seen the news?

Viviennemary · 09/06/2014 22:12

I think this is totally inappropriate for an eight year old. I'd complain to the school. A sensitive child could have nightmares about this. Very irresponsible of the teacherl IMHO.