Asian money saving habits driving me insane!!!

[BlueAndBlue]

I don't know if it's my DP's culture (he's from the Southeast Asia) or his family education, but the way he likes to save money all the time is driving me crazy. What I now call his 'mad saving schemes' have become our number one source of argument.

This morning I explained that in order to get DD to go back to sleep I had to use a hairdryer. He asked me whether I realised how much this habit was costing us (apparently a lot). He also said that it was useless trying to replace normal light bulbs with LEDs if on the other hand we were using the hairdryer to put DD to sleep.

I was annoyed and short fused (DD didn't sleep very long this morning, I didn't get to do half the things I would have wanted, had visits coming for lunch etc), and things escalated very quickly into a full-blown argument.

He wanted me to find solutions such as putting a rubber band on the cold button of the hairdryer. I explained that I'd tried a white noise app but DD much preferred the hairdryer.

I should say that DP has otherwise spent a bomb on refurbishing our house (with mostly his money) and that generally for big projects he never questions the need for spend. It's the little things he minds (eg paying for delivery costs, buying milk at the local convenience store instead of the big Tesco's, using a hairdryer to put a baby to sleep, etc).

I think he was being unreasonable to ask about the hairdryer cost this morning, knowing how difficult everything already is with an 8-week old baby and a boisterous 2 year old toddler. I said that my sanity was worth far more than the cost of running a hairdryer, but that didn't seem to do anything.

I'm still angry at him. Am I the one being unreasonable?

So just because your dh is Asian and he objects to you using a hair dryer to put your baby to sleep, you've reached the conclusion that ALL Asians have mad money saving schemes?

Really, op?

I am Asian and so is my dh, and he wouldn't give two shits about when/how often/for what purpose I use the hair dryer. In fact, when dd2 was born by c-section, I used the hair dryer every day after the shower to dry my wound and the rest of my body as it was easier than bending to towel dry myself Etc. Dh thought I was pure genius

I would love to be able to dry my hair in 2 minutes even the hairdresser moaned how long it took to dry my hair

I did a quick google, and it costs about £3 to run a hairdryer for an hour. That would mount up, over a week or a month - £21 a week, £84 a month - so quite a substantial amount.

An electric fan (a desk fan, with a 50W motor) would use about 1/20 of a kilowatt hour to run, probably costing about 0.5 of a penny per hour. Would your baby fall asleep to the sound of an electric fan instead?

Sorry, that should be 2 minutes on highest hear setting. running it longer can solder the connections and render it useless, or worse, it can start smoking and catch fire (have had this). Don't think tinning it on cold would do that though. Then by 'at a time' I mean you leave it for a minute to cool down then start it up again.

Ooops - posted too soon. A fan also has the big benefit that it can be left running for longer periods of time, whereas a hairdryer can overheat and burn out if you try to run it for too long. I've had an electric fan running all night, throughout hot spells, with no problems at all. Though I would recommend supervising if you leave a fan running in the baby's room.

Another thought - a lot of fans have timers on them - if you know she'll fall asleep in, say, half an hour, you can set it to run for an hour, and it will switch off automatically.

Yes I don't know how this is transformed from husband is a bit tight (the hairdryer thing does sound ridiculously wasteful by the way and a million miles from a 'mad money making scheme') into this being an 'Asian' trait.

I would say it's a fire hazard to run the hairdryer rather than a cost issue. Do you stand there holding it?

Mimi surely it takes longer than 2 minutes to blow dry hair so that is nuts!

Money saving issue sounds annoying, but more of a personality thing. You have to accept his little foibles/habits/priorities and he has to accept yours sometimes!

I am spending about £6 a week drying my hair and that is before.the cost of straighteners being used

I would tell him to fuck off, unless you are struggling badly to make ends meet just now.

If you can afford to run appliances etc then run them. You have a tiny baby, you get by any way you can.

He sounds tight and annoying.

I don't think it is just an Asian thing. My dad is so tight he wouldn't throw blue bacon away, he just cut off the mouldy bits.

Not to mention he always makes us walk two miles into town to avoid paying for the car park.

You're going to start a fire using a hairdryer like that! What are you pointing it towards when you use it? I'm not surprised he's asked you to stop that!!

The other things - meh - it's annoying but at least he's not spunking the money away constantly, which would obviously be much worse. I can think of much worse traits to have in a partner.

DH is Asian and I have to remind him to save. My brother is a ginger and he is very frugal.

Anyway, unless you're struggling to pay the bills ignore him.

It's only an Asian thing if he's expecting your DD to study to be a doctor instead of going back to sleep.

LOL princess .... Now we're on to something ...

I agree with MorrisZapp.

Is he controlling, do you think?
Does he see money as his and you are blowing through it?

I am Irish and very frugal, to the point where I do not use a hairdryer and regularly end up with frozen hair on winter mornings. But there's a difference between being frugal and being controlling and using penny-pinching as a way to do it.

And I have pushed encouraged DS into going for Medicine...

My Southeast Asian outlaws definitely don't like saving money. In fact they piss it up the fucking wall.

Does he send money home?

I'm not Asian, but have lived in SEAsia for many years.

This is not an Asian trait - my mum and dad in Wales can be like this- generous with big stuff but stress about running a bath.

I do know people here who will drive an extra 10KM to avoid a 50p toll road. (I have pointed out many times it will cost them more than that in fuel- but they don't see it), and will queue for hours and hours to get an extra 5% off in a sale.

The hairdryer thing is madness wherever you live.

Sounds like you're both knackered, you poor thing.

We've all been there, but it sounds like what you really need is to have some rest and give each other a break. The hairdryer thing sounds like it works now but you want to knock that on the head anyway, sounds like a pain in the long run.

If he wants to get milk only from tesco then that's up to him, right? And can he also take charge of finding an app to replace the hairdryer.

But please don't put all this down to race, it doesn't come out well.

Leaving the hairdryer aside (I'm most impressed you can get it on YouTube! Will it dry my hair?) I am a tiny bit suspicious that all these penny-pinching whines are about things that will use up YOUR time to correct.

If he darns his own 15-year-old socks, walks to work (in old shoes) and eats rotting fruit for lunch, I take that back. If not, I might suggest a hard think and a stern reprimand, tbh.

How did the hairdryer thing even start ?!

Everyone, thank you so much for the fresh pair of eyes on this situation.

(@TroyMcClure: I noticed once that she'd fallen asleep as I was drying my hair next to her! Second baby... didn't mind using all sorts of sleep prop).

Many of you are pointing to the fact that you don't have to be from Southeast Asia to be frugal. Point taken. Nor is there a consensus on whether saving is an Asian trait or not.

Regardless, your comments have helped me and DP get out of this Mexican stand off we were in! Thank you!

Can't believe anyone would have frozen hair in winter rather than spend some money. Unless you are truly on the bare bones of your arse then that is crazy. Life is for living not counting pennies saved by not drying hair. That is one sad post, frugal it is not.

Good news, Blue. Thanks for the update!

Have you looked for a 'slumber bear' on ebay?
All kinds of white noise.

Extractor fan on cooker hood also useful.

My husband is not from Southeast Asia, but is from outside of the English speaking world. He is FRUGAL. It drives me mad, in the same way that me spending an extra penny here and there drives him mad. It's all about compromise, but with an 8 week old and a toddler, your husband should be a bit more compassionate!

YANBU. Next time, hand the baby to your husband and see what he does after 3 hours of the baby screaming.

PS I do think saving money is an Asian trait, but so is gambling. So figure.